MONDAY JULY 19, 2010
5pm
Getting it done
This morning we took Pixie to get her teeth cleaned and get her exit papers to go home. All went well except we forgot to grab her entrance papers. I realized this when we got off the water taxi. The vet had said he needed them, so Kevin ran back to get them. While Pixie was getting her teeth done I waited for Gypsy, went to the bank, paid all the bills and went to Super Mas to pick up groceries. Kevin returned with the papers just as the vet was coming out to get us. After picking up a groggy, passed out Poo, we went to pay Pixies tax, had lunch, and picked up 3 bootleg dvd's.
We walked home up the beach and made it home just before 5pm. WHEW! One hurdle down. Everything else should be a breeze. Kevin still has his worries and I worry a little because I still have to make arrangements for our stay in Quepos and our rides to and from the airports. I already emailed Costa Rica Shuttle for our ride to San Jose airport. Tomorrow I will call and reserve a room at the Best Western and get online to reserve a van from Orlando to Jacksonville. This way we can stop in St Augustine Beach and drop a surf board, if Kevin wants. Besides, the ride from St. Augustine to Orlando was $165. We figured it would be a lot more to his Mom's in North Jacksonville, and a car would be cheaper.
So, the plans are set in motion and the count down is on. Gypsy pledged to help, gotta love her.
For me, though, I wish I could find someone to take over the lease. I could always use the money and just leaving the casa makes me feel guilty. Gypsy seems to have no qualms either way, and being so close to Ben and Lori, Im guessing they would feel the same way. I just dont know. I hope we can find someone but, I have to take care of me and my own...thats whats most important.
By the way, all day long Gypsy had to keep reminding me to breathe...I guess I still haven't learned and we laughed at how hard it is sometimes to do just that...breathe.
TUESDAY JULY 20, 2010
2pm
Holy Shit!
Wow, I just looked at the calender and there are only 9 days left in the casa. Today I made our Costa Rica end plans. Reserved the shuttle and the hotel room. Our last day in Costa Rica will be spent in downtown Quepos, it should be fun.
The only thing I didn't arrange was the rental in Florida. Budget had the biggest vehicle, being a Ford Explorer. Not quite big enough for the surf boards. So Kevin said he would call Rich tonight to see if he could arrange a ride...at least to St Augustine Beach. If not, I will call and reserve the Explorer.
Oh yeah - today my computer screen completely died...an all black screen. So, for real, NO COMPUTER LEFT! It pisses me off because I could have looked around online for a rental and try to get our Boost phone turned on for when we got home. Fucker!
Today we did some yard work. We raked and burned leaves for Jimmy. The leaves form the trees we took down for him. We thought we should do it because, after all, Jimmy always says, 'dont bother your neighbor'. Im assuming he means with your bullshit. So, the trees were our bullshit they made more work for us all, We figured we would finish the job for him before we left.
5pm
Just By Chance
Just for the hell of it, I texted a kid form North Carolina, who had said he wanted to take over the lease, to see if he was still interested. He told me his flight into San Jose wasn't until the 28th. I was suprised, and after multiple texts, I was able to convince him to send me a deposit of $100-$200, an to call me tomorrow. Kevin was irritated by all the texting but, I was glad I did it. So, tomorrow Brian Garlock is suppose to call and set up his sending a small deposit via Western Union. Hell Yeah! Kevinwas skeptical, as always, but, it made me feel a bit better.
Ricky is in need of money. So, we are collecting things we won't be taking with us for him to sell. We told him he could keep some of the money for selling the things for us. He came back a little while ago. Nothing sold but, he was hopeful. I know we both need the money, so, I hope Ricky can do his thing. He needs money to rent a chainsaw to sell wood and get wood to finish his house. Like I said, I hope Ricky can do his thing.
WEDNESDAY JULY 21, 2010
10am at La Playa
Croc Alert!
This morning i called Cyndi for some help... mostly support and someone to talk to that turned into help. She called around for a shuttle service to pick us up at the Orlando airport. She called back with her recommendation, which I took. I called and made arrangements for a ride to St Augustine Beach because Chris and Cyndi offered us to stay a the night. So, I called and got it taken care of. YAY!
Earlier, while Cyndi was calling shuttle services, Kevin went surfing. I had gone to the beach to watch, to pass time till Cyndi called back. Kevin had only caught a few waves, then he was coming in. This surprised me. I noticed a hurriedness in his demeanor and knew he saw something scary. Sure enough he saw an 8' saltwater croc not far from him. Needless to say, he will not be returning to the ocean for the rest of our stay. He even took the wax off his board. I guess if I saw that thing floating next to me I'd feel the same way.
3pm
Whatever-Nada en Absoluto
While talking out some of Kevin's anxiety, after the electricity went off for 5 minutes...just as he went to watch the end of Wolfman, we saw Alexander, our neighbor. He has a friend who paints and sells his art on the street in downtown Quepos. He chatted plants with Kevin, then Ricky came by. Kevin walked to Alexanders to get coconuts Alexander wanted me to have while Ricky and I sat on the porch trying to say 'whatever' in Spanish. It turns out it translates to 'nada en absoluto'. Ricky and Alexander don't get along. Something about a seniorita who would watch Rikcys kids. After Kevin returned with the coconuts, so did Alexander. I told Ricky I was going inside because I felt that Alexander might have a crush on me. While inside, Kevin came in and grabbed a bag and disappeared. Ricky was waiting but, I think he went next door. All I can say is Nada en Absoluto!
OH - and I have yet to hear from Brian the one from North Carolina who wanted to rent the casa. He said he would call today but, who knows. He told me he quit his job and was selling his car tomorrow. He sounds serious enough but, it would be nice to get a deposit to put my mind at ease. I at least hope to hear from him by the weekend. ::fingers crossed:: Anyway, Im thinking Kevin went back to Alexanders to get some fruit because I had given him my drawing board to give to his artist friend.
While we were talking earlier, Kevin expressed how he was not thrilled with going back to Jacksonville. (neither was I) But, it seemed we had no choice. With the computer fried there was no way for me to check on apartments or use Skype. He even talked of camping in Chris and Cyndi's yard till we found a place. What he really wants is a car. If we just had a place to stay in St Augustine Beach till we found a place, everything would be easier. I did see a hotel in the island by the Bridge of Lions that had rates of $200-something a week but, we needed a computer to help facilitate finding a place. If I knew coming home would be so complicated, I probably would have passed on this Costa Rican adventure - not to mention all the bullshit we have dealt with while here...OH YEAH, nada in absoluto! LOL, and I was right, Kevin just came back with bags full of noni and lime from Alexander.
6:15pm
Thinking Back...
This morning Kevin had called Chris and Chris had told him that Ben and Lori were just in St. Augustine Beach. He said that they had pissed everyone off and they had just wrote off the property here. They aren't returning, just as we suspected. People just inherently suck!
I read over our 'lease' and we got a laugh at some of the 'rules'. What did they really care if they weren't coming back? Plus, no wonder we were so paranoid when they left. It was their 'scare tactics' in order to try to control us, as Kevin said. FUCKERS!
THURSDAY JULY 22, 2010
9am
Wondering
Kevin had bad feelings all night about leaving the animals. I guess because the Brian person never called like he said. I told him we would probably hear from him by the weekend, I hope I'm right...
After thinking about it, it has cost me a lot more than one would suspect in being here. Maybe if I could get the $900 back I'd be closer to even, less my computer. If that hadn't died, we might have been able to make it here for another 3 months. Especially, since the locals here have now befriended us. Yesterday, Kevin was out talking with Domingo and Ricky. Domingo said that Ben was bad and Kevin was good. Then, proceeded to mock Ben by pretending to leave his property and wave, say hi, then run off. If Ben and Lori would have befriended these people they could have learned a lot. Including. how to farm and feed their family. Then they would still be here and not lost all they put into this place. Dumbasses. Fuckers. Mother fuckers. If they would have just did the right things my computer would still be OK and maybe we would have stayed another 3 months...who knows.
11am
Bored and Lil Lonely
This morning I did laundry and Kevin took off to get over his negative feelings.(thank god) After laundry I sort of repacked some of my things trying to figure out how best to get it all home. I am already leaving things behind and don't want to lose more. Plus, I'm trying to figure out how to keep the bags under 50 lbs. each. I put that on hold to look at it again in a few days. This time next Friday we will be leaving the casa. One week left. Im sitting here wondering where Kevin is and fighting off feelings of boredom and loneliness. Its better he took off, its good for his spirits and avoids fights. I just wish my damn computer screen wasn't black, it would give me something to do. I have been piddling around enough to kill another half hour or so...it's now 11:35. Time to go swing in the hammock and try to read.
4pm
Moving Right Along
Ok, so, Mike the baker sent out a couple to look at the casa. A British/German girl and a Tico guy. Jinny and Coco. Total animal lovers and lovers of the casa. It was a little confusing at first because Mike told them he owned the property, it was rent free and you just had to run the camp. I clarified that it was $100 per month and no surf camp. They both loved it here and wanted it but, I told them about the North Carolina guy. With all that we had been through, giving up everything for nothing, I felt I needed to at least call him, and I would be in touch as soon as I talked to him. So, I called him and he blew me off, saying he had family problems. Well, this didn't sit well with Kevin. So, I told him fuck the kid and to call Jinny and Coco because he talks better with people than I do. He said he would and that probably as soon as he hung up the kid from North Carolina would call. So, he talked with Ginny and they can pay 6 months up front. They would be by at 10 am tomorrow. They were suppose to move into a place on Saturday in town for a week. So, Kevin told them they were more than welcome, and we actually wanted them to stay the last week with us.
Well, Kevin laid the phone down and no sooner than it hit the table, it started to ring. LOL, it was the kid form North Carolina. AS it turns out, he lied and doesn't even have a plane ticket, yet. Kevin bullshitted around with him and then finally hung up. After that he called his Mom and is now talking with her. It seems like everything is working out the way it should, just like life does. We will introduce Jinny and Coco to Gypsy so they have a 'go to' person. Hopefully they will come stay sooner than later so we can introduce them to everyone we have come to know. This, plus Coco being Tico, will help them immensely. Boy would Ben and Lori shit if they knew a Tico was living in their house. Who knows when they will be asked about Ben, hopefully they won't. Kevin loves the fact that Coco is Tico because they can live here forever, if they want and they seem like good people. Good things do happen to good people...Im hoping that good comes back to me when I need it...like when we get home.
7pm
Phone Calls
Kevin had his music on and I was reading. Kevin heard the phone, not me. I heard him talking then he came into the bedroom. I asked who called and he said Chris and Cyndi. She said Rich is now driving trucks and will be home next Saturday and can pick us up at the airport. He looked at the phone and there was another call with a message from St. Augustine. He tried to access the message but of course Ben and Lori never told us how to check them. So, he took a chance and called it back. It was Rich! Yeah!
He is going to pick us up next weekend. I'm going to be glad to see him and Chrissy when we land. What an awesome day full of great surprises.
FRIDAY JULY 23, 2010
11:15
I Just Wanna Go Home
This morning started with a huge fight between Kevin and I. I tried to remain calm but, knew I couldn't take much more of this with him. I called Cyndi to thank her for the call and the hook up with Rich.
The couple form yesterday was suppose to be by at 10am. At 10:10 we received a text saying that Mike the baker insists he owns the property and that they would pass because they didn't know who to believe. Kevin called Jinny back immediately and told them we have a lease to prove that Mike didn't own the property. He told them to come to the house and we would show them as proof. Then he called Mike and asked him what the fuck he was doing and that he was on his way to the bakery. He hung up the phone and I was crying. He told me he was my friend and that everything between us was going to be ok. Then, took off for the bakery. It's been and hour and the couple hasn't showed. Kevin took the phone so don't know whats going on. After a bout with pure hysteria, I was finally able to sit and write this. All I could tell Kevin was that I just wanted to go home...and I do. What happens between us after that, I cannot be sure. Everyone here has been a lair!
Kevin has just walked up with Jinny and Coco...
5:15
19th Nervous Breakdown
Jinny and Coco left at about 3:30. We talked everything out. To prove Mike was a liar, we showed them our lease and rent receipt. We explained that we were going to tell them of the whole sublet situation today. Needless to say, the conversation went deeper. Into explanations about Ben and Loris situation, what kind of people they were and that they probably weren't coming back. We did tell them about them leaving stuff here and there being an outside chance they may send someone to get some things but, we knew they couldn't afford it. Basically they didn't have anything to worry about at all. We also told them that Gypsy was like their representative here and she was fine with our plans.
Kevin even explained to them about squatters rights and how Coco being Tico, he can, in time, claim the property. We explained that there was no real paperwork on the property nor were Ben and Lori goign to show up every 3 months, as required by law.
After hours of talking, they told us before they left, they definitely wanted the place. Since they had to be out of their apartment tomorrow, they were coming to stay with us till we left.
Iam glad, but if I have another day like today, I swear Im going to have a nervous breakdown. Between Kevin flipping out and Mikes lies, I can't take anymore. Maybe Kevin sensed the bullshit coming and that was part of his anger. I seriously hope he doesn't take me on another emotional ride anytime soon. I know there will be stresses at home till we have a place and a car. Im just praying I don't have to deal with anymore of his outbursts of anger and throwing things around the house. I just don't need it. I need peace. Time will tell, as I keep saying, and if it happens again, it will surely tear us apart for good.
The anxiety and stress of the day has left me tired, anxious and drained. Last night I didn't sleep long, maybe 4 hours total. Hopefully, tonight will be different. I need the rest. My neck and back hurt and I ma feeling dazed. Tonight I also pray for sleep, to take this day away. I also realized, I should have started this journal sooner...
SATURDAY JULY 24, 2010
7am
I woke from a drug induced sleep. Bad dreams, nothing, just pure sleep. I am feeling better today. There is still a bit of lingering anxiety, probably because yesterday was such a nightmare.
What yesterday did teach me is that my friends in St Augustine really mean a lot to me. So much over the last months has taught me to appreciate things, so many things. Especially, my truest friends. 5 days left in the casa and 7 till we see those beloved friends. Honeslty, there is no place like home.
Last night Ricky came by. Today he is going to the mountains to hunt pig. Today is little Rickys 6th birthday. We told Ricky we would buy a cake and come by tonight. Soon we will be going to town for one of our last trips...
Yesterday Tavo followed Jinny and Coco to town when they left. He didn't come home as he normally would.Im hoping he is ok and stayed with them for the night.
2pm
Distractions are Bueno
This morning we went to town on Kevin's emotional roller coaster. Finally, on our way home he admitted he wasn't mad at me, or anything, actually. He was just sick of this place and ready to be home. We both agreed how thankful we will be when we see Rich and Chrissy's faces at the airport.
When we arrived home we got a text from Jinny that Tavo spent the night with them and just left. She said they were packing and would call when they were on their way. We were talking on the porch when Rickys kids showed up with peepas in hand, asking if I would open them. They each indulged in 2 peepas and played in the hammocks. Then, Kevin started playing dominoes with Maria while Ricky, Justin and their friend Carlita played in a huge wash bucket full of rainwater. Maria was worried about her Papi, he's been gone since 4am hunting pigs in the mountains. We both know that Ricky won't be home till he catches something. Kevin wound up taking the kids to the beach to play on the boogie boards and they had a blast.
Distractions are good for people of every age. We sure are glad that Jinny and Coco will be here with us for our last 5 days, What a great distraction for us both. Oh, and they just showed up!
SUNDAY JULY 25, 2010
9AM
Counting Down
Last night Kevin, Jinny and I went to Rikcy's to help celebrate little Ricky's birthday. Coco had to work so he couldn't go. Afterwords, Ricky came down to smoke some Cocal homegrown and talk. Yesterday he woke at 4am to go hun for a pig but, came back with chickens instead. We all chatted and had a great time.
Kevin and I went to bed at 10pm Kevin fell immediately to sleep. I heard Coco come home and waited for them to turn off the lights and the rain to slow. Then, I got up and went out to be sure Coco flipped the water switches and he did, that was cool.
I spent the rest of the night tossing and turning with little sleep. I heard Kevin wake, then at 5:45am, our casa building neighbor started his chainsaw. It didn't last but a few minutes but, I was miserable. Kevin heard me get up and asked what was wrong. I just started to cry. I curled up next to him and he fell asleep with his arms around me. It was so comforting and what I've needed so much more of over the past 6 years but, rarely, if ever, got. I in turn wrapped my arms around Pixie. This is the way it should be each time I go to sleep and wake, but never is. I rested but, didn't sleep. After about an hour we all got up. I made breakfast and we talked.
It's now 10am and Jinny and Coco are still asleep. I don't know what it is, maybe the lack of sleep but, I keep having overwhelming feelings of anxiety and sadness. I just can't fucking wait to be home...away from this draining place and all of it's neediness. From the kids and animals, you give them a little and they keep coming back for more. Always on the make, always on the take, just like Ben and Lori. I guess the day with the kids yesterday drained me, yet again, after the day of drama from Mike. Kevin said it best today. Going home is going to be like the vacation we thought we were on during the past 6 months.
4 days left in the casa....
5 days left in the country...
Not counting today, thank you very much.
7pm
A Good Day of Distractions
Well, I'm laying down trying to unwind. It was a good day of distractions. Ricky came by to fish with Kevin but the seas were too rough, even though Kevin took the line out with a surf board. They cooked the bait fish and faked me out. I thought they caught them but, later Kevin let me know that Ricky built a fire and cooked the bait. SUCKER!
I talked with Jinny most of the day and Coco has the might off. The day didn't c-r-a-w-l by but, then it didn't fly by either. We talked about having Rich and Chrissy stop by our favorite pizza place on the way home. We are soo bad! but, have every intention on staying away from junk food when we get home. We are also realizing how little we own. It's like a fresh start...a new beginning when we get home...
The countdown continues and tonight it's a full moon but, its too cloudy to see it. Damn rainy season!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
More ...
SUNDAY JULY 11, 2010
No Sleep 4U
6:45am
in bed...
A chainsaw started blaring at 6:45 this morning. I couldn't take it anymore. I got out of bed and Kevin was in the kitchen. He woke not long before me, when the hammering started...before the chainsaw. We were officially over it.
Kevin got to talk to his friend Chris, someone hes known since high school. Seems not much has changed since we left St. Augustine, except that Chris told us that the great oil spill is ruining tourism on the west coast, which was drawing people to St. Augustine. More people, more money. Im hoping this will make it easier for Kevin to find an income when we return...even thought he says he wont work when we get back.
It's now around 10:30. I did the laundry and started cutting Pixies hair. Im about half way done and gave her a bath. Now Im just waiting for her to dry so I can finish. Today is dragging by. It's days like this that make it unbearable here. After all there is only so much to cook and clean or leaves to rake and burn. Both of us are now anxious to get home...only 20 days left.
6:30pm
Electricity Issues
The lights keep dimming and we thought it was from the rain. Then, I reminded Kevin about the 2nd broken post that was holding up our electricity line. So, with machete in hand he went out to check on it. He came back and said that the line was lying on the wet ground. Good thing he went and checked it out. He went back with some rope to fix what he could. You see, this is the stuff that is wearing on us. We had just showered, wanted to smoke a little and watch a movie but.....no...
We talked about it over dinner, and came to the conclusion that it was just plain boring here, in our situation. Especially without someone here we can trust. It feels like we have become slaves to the casa and her grounds. No exploring Costa Rica or any of the other things we expected to do while here.
Now it looks like one of the thieves of Charlies stuff is moving onto the property next door. I can say this, that if the decision to leave hadn't been made yet, this would have been the deal breaker and we would want to leave for sure. He even said that he wished we could fly home this week. Just over 2 weeks left and we are going to try to make the best of it. Tomorrow I will ask Gypsy to come out for a night so we can go off and enjoy what little time we have left. Im keeping my fingers crossed.
MONDAY JULY 12, 2010
9:20am at the casa
Waiting...
Today I meet Gypsy at 1:30 to go to her doctor so I can try to conquer this anxiety I cannot shake. Kevin is, yet again, freaking out because of the new thief neighbor moving in. He is ranting that he wants to leave this week. Ben and Lori called at 6am but, I was asleep and Kevin was outside. So, the call was missed and even though we were able to get the voice mail password, we still couldn't retrieve any messages because we cant understand the Spanish speaking instructions...aarrrggghh!!!! Our calls to them are getting expensive and with no computer the cell phone is our only way to contact the outside world. We would need it to set up our plans of coming home. So, fuck it and fuck the Whitefields, we were going to run up their cell bill and wont be here to pay it. But we sure as hell weren't going to be making any calls to Ben and Lori. Oh, and Mike called, too this morning but, said he would have to call back. It seems as thought he got his ass beat up again last night but, he wants to take over our lease. Im hoping for the best on this one.
So, I sit here with wave after wave of anxiety rushing over me. Kevin wont walk me to town because he is afraid of the thief kid moving in next door. He gave in and said he would walk me to the water taxi and I was instructed to call him on my way home. Whatever...Walking the streets alone, on the other side of the harbor, where all the drug dealers and prostitutes live is more nerve wracking for me than walking Cocal. Again, his needless worries take priority over my needs. Like I said, whatever...
4:30
The Runaround
back at the casa
Ok, so, I met Gypsy. No problem. The walk to the doctors office want far and she was sweet and helpful. Now we had to walk back to town because the doctor was the opposite way from the harbor in Boca Vieja, I needed to get my prescriptions filled. When we got the the farmacia they filled the sleep and pain medication but not the anxiety pills, they didnt have them. Plus, the pharmacist let me know that I didn't need a prescription for the medicine I bought. The doctors office charged $20.00 each for the prescriptions she wrote. So, we headed to another farmacia to hunt down the anxiety medicine and nothing.
After a break for lunch and walking, we headed back to the doctors office to get a script for a different anxiety medicine and ask for my money back on the prescriptions she wrote that didnt need one. The doctor obliged me a refund and also gave me another prescription for the pain medicine she wrote earlier. She said the original prescription had so little codeine in it and thats why there was no Rx needed. Instead she gave me percoset, a stronger pain medication.
Back to town we went and I filled the lexotan script for anxiety but not the percoset...it alone was $120.00 and I just didn't have the money to spend. I planned on returning the pain medicine I bought earlier because I knew it wouldn't help and I needed the extra money. I have to wait a day because they couldn't process a credit to my debit card until then. So it looks like I will be walking back to town tomorrow.
I called Kevin to let him know I was on my way back but, got no answer. Gypsy and I said our good byes, I thanked her for her help and headed home. I found Kevin walking to find me, about 1/4 of the way up Cocal. He told me Mike has a Swiss couple who are interested in renting the casa for 6 months and giving us the $900.00 for the months we pre-paid for. They may be coming out tomorrow, I hope so.
Kevin really wants to leave and the extra money helps but, so does time to prepare...meaning getting something set up at home. This fucking computer thing is really stifling our ability to communicate with home. Thats all I need is CraigsList and Skype. So, I guess its back to the scamming, email hacking internet cafe for me! After already having an email hacked though one of the internet cafes, this makes me nervous. Plus, Kevin in his never ending frustration says he doesn't want to go to town. Im hoping he means mid-day and the heat it brings, like Gypsy and I did today. He doesn't like going to town late in the day. Early is good by me because we are 2 hours behind Florida and I can still make phone calls.
I finally got the lady from Stone Cove on the phone. She said she would email me an application but, there were no studios available and $700.00 per month for a small 1 bedroom seemed a little steep. So, I called Cyndi to see if I could enlist her help on finding anything...a weekly rental, sublet or just a good deal. I might ask Christine if she could help too. But, I still got to go to that damn internet cafe. Hopefully, tomorrow Kevin will make a morning run with me to do that. Plus, I wanted return that prescription.
TUESDAY JULY 13, 2010
8:30 am
WTF ?!?!
This morning we decided to go to town. On the walk there the rain stated and so did Kevin. He relentlessly pummeled me with cruel remarks, yet again. I did nothing to prompt this verbal assault. Then, after we got off the water taxi, he admitted that he was mad because of his hat! He didn't want it ruined because of the rain. This is the flat out bullshit I cannot handle...constantly being berated because of the stupidest of things, that I have nothing to do with.
While in town we met took care of my Rx and hit the internet cafe. After talking with some friends via email and Skype, I decided to place an ad on CraigsList to try to find someone to also met sublet the casa. We also met up with the Swiss couple Mike told us about and walked them back to the casa with us. We knew immediately that it was a no go, you could just see it in her face. Cocal isn't for the faint of heart.
Before falling asleep, I thought of all the barbs Kevin threw at me throughout the day. I just don't think we should stay together when we get home. But, I must keep it to myself. If I say anything about it I know it will start another huge fight. So, I keep my mouth shut and wait to see what happens.
WEDNESDAY JULY 14, 2010
6:30 am
Horrible Nightmares
This morning I woke up in a complete panic. I rarely dream or at least remember them. I was distraught because in my dream I thought my Mom died in a car accident but, as it turned out she was fine. Still, the minute I woke I wanted to do nothing but cry and just be home. I want a new life when I get home. 2 weeks left... Probably 2 weeks of hell, I have to look forward to, that will completely tear us apart. Kevin closes himself off and displaces his feelings of anger and frustration on me. All these things I have dealt with for 6 years... along with no affection. These are things I cannot deal with for much longer.
For now, I sit alone on the porch drinking coffee and hoping for a peaceful day. Only 2 weeks till Im home. If I think about it, Kevin has been the root of all my anxiety here. His mood swings, boredom, lack of wanting to work...all reasons why I believe I could have made it here with a different partner and why I don't want one, in him, when I return.
8:45am
Ricky Stops By...
We had given Ricky all the material from Andy's structure so that he could better his home. He came by to borrow tools and for Kevin's help...which I am glad for. Since he woke he has barley said 2 words to me. So, him having something to distract him was good. I can see the next 2 weeks are going to be hell.
After they left I got the computer working long enough to call my Mom on Skype. I had to because of the dream I had. I told her about life here and that we were coming home. As always, the good phone Mom she is, told me she understood and that she loves me.
10am
Rickys Kids
at the casa
I was out on the porch talking on the phone with someone who saw my ad to sublet the casa. It sounded promising but, you know how people are...
Then, there were Ricky's kids, on the other side if the fence, asking to come to the house. I figured since Kevin and Ricky were working on Rickys house, they sent them down and I let them play on the porch and use the bathroom. This is a big thing for them because they use an outhouse. The girls then decided they wanted their hair done and to wear my old sunglasses. Typical kid things, they just wanted to play.
When Ricky and Kevin came back, Ricky sent his kids home. Well, Kevin threw a fit because the kids were in the house. Yelling that I have no common sense while throwing things around the kitchen. LOVELY! I don't see what was so wrong, as the kids hurt nothing. I went to read and he came in to ask if I wanted to smoke something. So, I did. I went back to my reading and Kevin tried calling some of his friends in Jacksonville. Then, Maria and her friend came back because they had already broke one of the sunglasses I had given them. I think they expected me to give them another pair but, I told them there was nothing I could do. I gave them a glass of water and sent them on their way.
I knew this set Kevin off again. I sat down to hear that I have no common sense, we had nothing in common and that I was boring to him. I am trying so hard to keep the peace with him only to hear how he wants to kill me...
THURSDAY JULY 15, 2010
10am
Off To The National Park
After being told how boring I am, I called Gypsy to come stay with the poodle while we went off for the day. Today we are finally going to Manuel Antonio National Park. I know doing these things keeps the beast at bay and helps keep the peace between us.
We grabbed a taxi from downtown Quepos and rode to Manuel Antonio. We walked the trails and climbed the mountains. Yes, I climbed a mountain! to see the beautiful views. These were more of what you would expect of the views in Costa Rica. We found monkeys, iguanas and a sloth. We had a great time together and had to rely on each other to get up and down the mountain. When we were done at the park we stopped for lunch. We walked the park entrance road down to the beach and main road. While we ate we watched beginner surfers on their rented boards trying to figure out how to surf. This area was more of what we expected our place in Costa Rica to be like. Unfortunately, Cocal, and our expectations were the exact opposite. On the taxi ride back to Quepos, we had the driver stop at a roadside market so we could check it out. Then, got dropped off in downtown Quepos where we bought a dvd to watch tonight.
When we got back to the casa, all was well. Then, Gypsy mentioned something about exit papers for Pixie. Shit! We didn't even think about that but, she said she thought the vet in Quepos could do it for us, saving is the 3 hour bus ride to San Jose to get them. Let's hope so.
FRIDAY JULY 16, 2010
10am at the casa
Another Day
I am beginning to realize, for good or bad, Kevin and I need each other right now. Trying to rely on friends back home living with just as much stress was not the way to go. I understand his stress but, not his reactions. Like Laura said, maybe once we get home, hopefully, everything will settle down. Without a place to go when we get home, it looks like I am going to have to rely on Kevin and his friends to get through the transition...and thats OK. Let him, for once let him take control, maybe thats what we both need. But, believe me, there is still a big part of me that questions these sensibilities. As I keep telling myself...time will tell all.
2:27pm
Bored!
It has been raining off and on for the past 3 days. Today with nothing to do but listen to the new 'house' being built next door, the reality of, not only the isolation of this place but, much more the boredom set in. 2 weeks until we fly home and start yet another adventure...I hope we stay sane in the meantime.
I've said this place is like an alternate reality - everything you think it is, is actually a 180 from that. I feel out of balance...and when Kevin crack under the pressure of this place, its just not a healthy thing. Cyndi always says,'live with it and love it. live with it and hate it, or just leave it'. So, we are going to leave this place, together. Gypsy told me not to let this place tear us apart and it is probably too late for that but, for the next few weeks Im still going to try.
Oh, and its raining...again. I have come to realize I need more stimulation in my life. More importantly, I have come to realize the ultra-high level of stimulation Kevin needs to survive...like an adrenaline junkie. Im not like that. This place wouldn't be so boring if it could stimulate us. It has drained us instead of giving us life. Even the peaceful feelings have vanished. With all the new neighbors and construction the quiet has been shattered. Now it just feels like we are waiting...and thats worse. I've already begun 'mock packing' so I can figure out what I will be leaving behind. We lost one bag on the trip over so luggage is short. I might be checking a small duffel bag of clothes but, that's such a waste of money. This place is even taking from me on the way out the door. I think that's another thing I see here and don't like. The constant observation of of everyone on the take...even the kids. You give and they want more. It must be a global thing, I swore I was leaving that mentality behind in the states. See, there it is again...the 180 factor.
I have one book left to read. If I wanted to I could shut out the world for one day and read the whole thing. I have a few to take to the book store for credit so, I will do that this week. Hopefully, we go to town tomorrow. It will kill a few hours and give us a break from listening to the construction.
Did I ever mention how everything we brought here is being eaten up by mold? This makes the load home a little lighter, I guess.
SATURDAY JULY 17, 2010
Blah, Blah, Blah...
We went to town early today. I couldn't sleep and Kevin couldn't stay asleep. So, I got up early, did laundry and had my coffee. Then, off to town we went. It was a dreary walk, another day of clouds and rain. We did what we had to do after a stop for breakfast.
When we got home, Kevin went surfing and I made a quick call to Cyndi. She gave me a new perspective on my time here. Im just a fish out of water but, believe me, Im just glad Im dont feel like drowning under the American life stresses. After our talk, I headed to the beach to watch him surf, for lack of anything better to do.
We tried to plan our last days here in order to keep some of the relocating stresses at bay. There was a little hope in his eyes when hes said he has none when he asked me to help him get his GED so he could enlist in the Army...and he wants to marry me if he does so I get all the benefits. Ive heard this all before. Its just his way of saying what he thinks I want to hear. So, I just went along with it to try to keep the calm around for as long as I could before we leave.
SUNDAY JULY 18, 2010
12:30
Time Creeps By...
I woke at 7 this morning, earlier actually. I tried to sleep as long as I could so the day wouldn't seem so long. No such luck. The guy next door probably started hammering by 6am. I got up, did laundry, raked and burned leaves, made breakfast, made lunch, took a shower and bathed poodle all before noon. Really? Yes really.
At around 12:15 we hear people calling us. Its the Swiss couple from the bakery with a guy. They brought a friend out who was interested in renting the place. I showed him around...and that killed anther 10 minutes!
Time is crawling by. We are trying to watch 'Clash of the Titans', just to pass the time. At least tomorrow we take Pixie to the townnatn12:30 to see the vet. She is also getting her teeth cleaned, along with giving me her exit papers back to the U.S. That will kill time. As things done mid-day usually do. If I was one of those people who could easliy sleep or nap, I would be trying to sleep the days away.
No Sleep 4U
6:45am
in bed...
A chainsaw started blaring at 6:45 this morning. I couldn't take it anymore. I got out of bed and Kevin was in the kitchen. He woke not long before me, when the hammering started...before the chainsaw. We were officially over it.
Kevin got to talk to his friend Chris, someone hes known since high school. Seems not much has changed since we left St. Augustine, except that Chris told us that the great oil spill is ruining tourism on the west coast, which was drawing people to St. Augustine. More people, more money. Im hoping this will make it easier for Kevin to find an income when we return...even thought he says he wont work when we get back.
It's now around 10:30. I did the laundry and started cutting Pixies hair. Im about half way done and gave her a bath. Now Im just waiting for her to dry so I can finish. Today is dragging by. It's days like this that make it unbearable here. After all there is only so much to cook and clean or leaves to rake and burn. Both of us are now anxious to get home...only 20 days left.
6:30pm
Electricity Issues
The lights keep dimming and we thought it was from the rain. Then, I reminded Kevin about the 2nd broken post that was holding up our electricity line. So, with machete in hand he went out to check on it. He came back and said that the line was lying on the wet ground. Good thing he went and checked it out. He went back with some rope to fix what he could. You see, this is the stuff that is wearing on us. We had just showered, wanted to smoke a little and watch a movie but.....no...
We talked about it over dinner, and came to the conclusion that it was just plain boring here, in our situation. Especially without someone here we can trust. It feels like we have become slaves to the casa and her grounds. No exploring Costa Rica or any of the other things we expected to do while here.
Now it looks like one of the thieves of Charlies stuff is moving onto the property next door. I can say this, that if the decision to leave hadn't been made yet, this would have been the deal breaker and we would want to leave for sure. He even said that he wished we could fly home this week. Just over 2 weeks left and we are going to try to make the best of it. Tomorrow I will ask Gypsy to come out for a night so we can go off and enjoy what little time we have left. Im keeping my fingers crossed.
MONDAY JULY 12, 2010
9:20am at the casa
Waiting...
Today I meet Gypsy at 1:30 to go to her doctor so I can try to conquer this anxiety I cannot shake. Kevin is, yet again, freaking out because of the new thief neighbor moving in. He is ranting that he wants to leave this week. Ben and Lori called at 6am but, I was asleep and Kevin was outside. So, the call was missed and even though we were able to get the voice mail password, we still couldn't retrieve any messages because we cant understand the Spanish speaking instructions...aarrrggghh!!!! Our calls to them are getting expensive and with no computer the cell phone is our only way to contact the outside world. We would need it to set up our plans of coming home. So, fuck it and fuck the Whitefields, we were going to run up their cell bill and wont be here to pay it. But we sure as hell weren't going to be making any calls to Ben and Lori. Oh, and Mike called, too this morning but, said he would have to call back. It seems as thought he got his ass beat up again last night but, he wants to take over our lease. Im hoping for the best on this one.
So, I sit here with wave after wave of anxiety rushing over me. Kevin wont walk me to town because he is afraid of the thief kid moving in next door. He gave in and said he would walk me to the water taxi and I was instructed to call him on my way home. Whatever...Walking the streets alone, on the other side of the harbor, where all the drug dealers and prostitutes live is more nerve wracking for me than walking Cocal. Again, his needless worries take priority over my needs. Like I said, whatever...
4:30
The Runaround
back at the casa
Ok, so, I met Gypsy. No problem. The walk to the doctors office want far and she was sweet and helpful. Now we had to walk back to town because the doctor was the opposite way from the harbor in Boca Vieja, I needed to get my prescriptions filled. When we got the the farmacia they filled the sleep and pain medication but not the anxiety pills, they didnt have them. Plus, the pharmacist let me know that I didn't need a prescription for the medicine I bought. The doctors office charged $20.00 each for the prescriptions she wrote. So, we headed to another farmacia to hunt down the anxiety medicine and nothing.
After a break for lunch and walking, we headed back to the doctors office to get a script for a different anxiety medicine and ask for my money back on the prescriptions she wrote that didnt need one. The doctor obliged me a refund and also gave me another prescription for the pain medicine she wrote earlier. She said the original prescription had so little codeine in it and thats why there was no Rx needed. Instead she gave me percoset, a stronger pain medication.
Back to town we went and I filled the lexotan script for anxiety but not the percoset...it alone was $120.00 and I just didn't have the money to spend. I planned on returning the pain medicine I bought earlier because I knew it wouldn't help and I needed the extra money. I have to wait a day because they couldn't process a credit to my debit card until then. So it looks like I will be walking back to town tomorrow.
I called Kevin to let him know I was on my way back but, got no answer. Gypsy and I said our good byes, I thanked her for her help and headed home. I found Kevin walking to find me, about 1/4 of the way up Cocal. He told me Mike has a Swiss couple who are interested in renting the casa for 6 months and giving us the $900.00 for the months we pre-paid for. They may be coming out tomorrow, I hope so.
Kevin really wants to leave and the extra money helps but, so does time to prepare...meaning getting something set up at home. This fucking computer thing is really stifling our ability to communicate with home. Thats all I need is CraigsList and Skype. So, I guess its back to the scamming, email hacking internet cafe for me! After already having an email hacked though one of the internet cafes, this makes me nervous. Plus, Kevin in his never ending frustration says he doesn't want to go to town. Im hoping he means mid-day and the heat it brings, like Gypsy and I did today. He doesn't like going to town late in the day. Early is good by me because we are 2 hours behind Florida and I can still make phone calls.
I finally got the lady from Stone Cove on the phone. She said she would email me an application but, there were no studios available and $700.00 per month for a small 1 bedroom seemed a little steep. So, I called Cyndi to see if I could enlist her help on finding anything...a weekly rental, sublet or just a good deal. I might ask Christine if she could help too. But, I still got to go to that damn internet cafe. Hopefully, tomorrow Kevin will make a morning run with me to do that. Plus, I wanted return that prescription.
TUESDAY JULY 13, 2010
8:30 am
WTF ?!?!
This morning we decided to go to town. On the walk there the rain stated and so did Kevin. He relentlessly pummeled me with cruel remarks, yet again. I did nothing to prompt this verbal assault. Then, after we got off the water taxi, he admitted that he was mad because of his hat! He didn't want it ruined because of the rain. This is the flat out bullshit I cannot handle...constantly being berated because of the stupidest of things, that I have nothing to do with.
While in town we met took care of my Rx and hit the internet cafe. After talking with some friends via email and Skype, I decided to place an ad on CraigsList to try to find someone to also met sublet the casa. We also met up with the Swiss couple Mike told us about and walked them back to the casa with us. We knew immediately that it was a no go, you could just see it in her face. Cocal isn't for the faint of heart.
Before falling asleep, I thought of all the barbs Kevin threw at me throughout the day. I just don't think we should stay together when we get home. But, I must keep it to myself. If I say anything about it I know it will start another huge fight. So, I keep my mouth shut and wait to see what happens.
WEDNESDAY JULY 14, 2010
6:30 am
Horrible Nightmares
This morning I woke up in a complete panic. I rarely dream or at least remember them. I was distraught because in my dream I thought my Mom died in a car accident but, as it turned out she was fine. Still, the minute I woke I wanted to do nothing but cry and just be home. I want a new life when I get home. 2 weeks left... Probably 2 weeks of hell, I have to look forward to, that will completely tear us apart. Kevin closes himself off and displaces his feelings of anger and frustration on me. All these things I have dealt with for 6 years... along with no affection. These are things I cannot deal with for much longer.
For now, I sit alone on the porch drinking coffee and hoping for a peaceful day. Only 2 weeks till Im home. If I think about it, Kevin has been the root of all my anxiety here. His mood swings, boredom, lack of wanting to work...all reasons why I believe I could have made it here with a different partner and why I don't want one, in him, when I return.
8:45am
Ricky Stops By...
We had given Ricky all the material from Andy's structure so that he could better his home. He came by to borrow tools and for Kevin's help...which I am glad for. Since he woke he has barley said 2 words to me. So, him having something to distract him was good. I can see the next 2 weeks are going to be hell.
After they left I got the computer working long enough to call my Mom on Skype. I had to because of the dream I had. I told her about life here and that we were coming home. As always, the good phone Mom she is, told me she understood and that she loves me.
10am
Rickys Kids
at the casa
I was out on the porch talking on the phone with someone who saw my ad to sublet the casa. It sounded promising but, you know how people are...
Then, there were Ricky's kids, on the other side if the fence, asking to come to the house. I figured since Kevin and Ricky were working on Rickys house, they sent them down and I let them play on the porch and use the bathroom. This is a big thing for them because they use an outhouse. The girls then decided they wanted their hair done and to wear my old sunglasses. Typical kid things, they just wanted to play.
When Ricky and Kevin came back, Ricky sent his kids home. Well, Kevin threw a fit because the kids were in the house. Yelling that I have no common sense while throwing things around the kitchen. LOVELY! I don't see what was so wrong, as the kids hurt nothing. I went to read and he came in to ask if I wanted to smoke something. So, I did. I went back to my reading and Kevin tried calling some of his friends in Jacksonville. Then, Maria and her friend came back because they had already broke one of the sunglasses I had given them. I think they expected me to give them another pair but, I told them there was nothing I could do. I gave them a glass of water and sent them on their way.
I knew this set Kevin off again. I sat down to hear that I have no common sense, we had nothing in common and that I was boring to him. I am trying so hard to keep the peace with him only to hear how he wants to kill me...
THURSDAY JULY 15, 2010
10am
Off To The National Park
After being told how boring I am, I called Gypsy to come stay with the poodle while we went off for the day. Today we are finally going to Manuel Antonio National Park. I know doing these things keeps the beast at bay and helps keep the peace between us.
We grabbed a taxi from downtown Quepos and rode to Manuel Antonio. We walked the trails and climbed the mountains. Yes, I climbed a mountain! to see the beautiful views. These were more of what you would expect of the views in Costa Rica. We found monkeys, iguanas and a sloth. We had a great time together and had to rely on each other to get up and down the mountain. When we were done at the park we stopped for lunch. We walked the park entrance road down to the beach and main road. While we ate we watched beginner surfers on their rented boards trying to figure out how to surf. This area was more of what we expected our place in Costa Rica to be like. Unfortunately, Cocal, and our expectations were the exact opposite. On the taxi ride back to Quepos, we had the driver stop at a roadside market so we could check it out. Then, got dropped off in downtown Quepos where we bought a dvd to watch tonight.
When we got back to the casa, all was well. Then, Gypsy mentioned something about exit papers for Pixie. Shit! We didn't even think about that but, she said she thought the vet in Quepos could do it for us, saving is the 3 hour bus ride to San Jose to get them. Let's hope so.
FRIDAY JULY 16, 2010
10am at the casa
Another Day
I am beginning to realize, for good or bad, Kevin and I need each other right now. Trying to rely on friends back home living with just as much stress was not the way to go. I understand his stress but, not his reactions. Like Laura said, maybe once we get home, hopefully, everything will settle down. Without a place to go when we get home, it looks like I am going to have to rely on Kevin and his friends to get through the transition...and thats OK. Let him, for once let him take control, maybe thats what we both need. But, believe me, there is still a big part of me that questions these sensibilities. As I keep telling myself...time will tell all.
2:27pm
Bored!
It has been raining off and on for the past 3 days. Today with nothing to do but listen to the new 'house' being built next door, the reality of, not only the isolation of this place but, much more the boredom set in. 2 weeks until we fly home and start yet another adventure...I hope we stay sane in the meantime.
I've said this place is like an alternate reality - everything you think it is, is actually a 180 from that. I feel out of balance...and when Kevin crack under the pressure of this place, its just not a healthy thing. Cyndi always says,'live with it and love it. live with it and hate it, or just leave it'. So, we are going to leave this place, together. Gypsy told me not to let this place tear us apart and it is probably too late for that but, for the next few weeks Im still going to try.
Oh, and its raining...again. I have come to realize I need more stimulation in my life. More importantly, I have come to realize the ultra-high level of stimulation Kevin needs to survive...like an adrenaline junkie. Im not like that. This place wouldn't be so boring if it could stimulate us. It has drained us instead of giving us life. Even the peaceful feelings have vanished. With all the new neighbors and construction the quiet has been shattered. Now it just feels like we are waiting...and thats worse. I've already begun 'mock packing' so I can figure out what I will be leaving behind. We lost one bag on the trip over so luggage is short. I might be checking a small duffel bag of clothes but, that's such a waste of money. This place is even taking from me on the way out the door. I think that's another thing I see here and don't like. The constant observation of of everyone on the take...even the kids. You give and they want more. It must be a global thing, I swore I was leaving that mentality behind in the states. See, there it is again...the 180 factor.
I have one book left to read. If I wanted to I could shut out the world for one day and read the whole thing. I have a few to take to the book store for credit so, I will do that this week. Hopefully, we go to town tomorrow. It will kill a few hours and give us a break from listening to the construction.
Did I ever mention how everything we brought here is being eaten up by mold? This makes the load home a little lighter, I guess.
SATURDAY JULY 17, 2010
Blah, Blah, Blah...
We went to town early today. I couldn't sleep and Kevin couldn't stay asleep. So, I got up early, did laundry and had my coffee. Then, off to town we went. It was a dreary walk, another day of clouds and rain. We did what we had to do after a stop for breakfast.
When we got home, Kevin went surfing and I made a quick call to Cyndi. She gave me a new perspective on my time here. Im just a fish out of water but, believe me, Im just glad Im dont feel like drowning under the American life stresses. After our talk, I headed to the beach to watch him surf, for lack of anything better to do.
We tried to plan our last days here in order to keep some of the relocating stresses at bay. There was a little hope in his eyes when hes said he has none when he asked me to help him get his GED so he could enlist in the Army...and he wants to marry me if he does so I get all the benefits. Ive heard this all before. Its just his way of saying what he thinks I want to hear. So, I just went along with it to try to keep the calm around for as long as I could before we leave.
SUNDAY JULY 18, 2010
12:30
Time Creeps By...
I woke at 7 this morning, earlier actually. I tried to sleep as long as I could so the day wouldn't seem so long. No such luck. The guy next door probably started hammering by 6am. I got up, did laundry, raked and burned leaves, made breakfast, made lunch, took a shower and bathed poodle all before noon. Really? Yes really.
At around 12:15 we hear people calling us. Its the Swiss couple from the bakery with a guy. They brought a friend out who was interested in renting the place. I showed him around...and that killed anther 10 minutes!
Time is crawling by. We are trying to watch 'Clash of the Titans', just to pass the time. At least tomorrow we take Pixie to the townnatn12:30 to see the vet. She is also getting her teeth cleaned, along with giving me her exit papers back to the U.S. That will kill time. As things done mid-day usually do. If I was one of those people who could easliy sleep or nap, I would be trying to sleep the days away.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Here We Go!
THURSDAY JULY 8,2010
8:30 pm
Today was yet another roller coaster ride. At this point I cannot even remember what set it off this morning. Oh yeah, I answered a question too vaguely. Vague answers, for me avoid a confrontation but, not today. Even this was a problem.Instead of saying "hey come to the beach while I surf and take some pictures"...no, I instead I gwt wrath. I just cant take it. Now trying to not cause a problem, causes a problem.
I couldn't get into my Skype account because I couldn't remember the password. I knew this would piss him off so, I tried to avoid the subject-no deal. To try and make the best of it, I grabbed my camera and went to the beach. Shortly after, he came down with his surfboard, cursing me the whole way to the water. Still trying to make the best of it, I stayed and took surf pics.
Just as he caught his last wave, the camera battery went dead...good timing. We went back to the house and Ricardo was still there removing tree limbs from the yard. This was another issue because he showed up while we were on the beach earlier - before the drama du jour began. The plan was that we would clear the rest of the limbs sometime that day but, Ricardo was looking for drink money. We also wanted to go to town but, now with someone in the yard that was put on hold. Shortly after our return, luckily, he was done. Kevin gave him 700 colones and sent him on his way.
So, with Ricardo finished we went to town and had lunch. Then, stopped by the travel agent trying to find a cheaper to our visa run. You see, this morning my computer was melting down bad. I knew it would be unuseable soon. The trip to town was a good distraction, or so I thought. We went by the video store and picked up a couple more bootleg movies and stopped and had a few cocktails before we headed home.
When we arrived home, Domingo was suppose to get wood for fire from the yard. Yesterday he helped trim the tree and we told him he could take firewood. Earlier, on our way out the door to town, he stopped by to let us know he would be by after 3. This was fine with us but, as suspected, he waited till we got home. So, he and Kevin hauled the wood across the street while I fixed the broken extension cord.
During this time a girl called and asked if she and her husband could camp for the night. I let them know the good and the bad about staying and she said she would call back.
Once everyone was gone, the realization that the computer monitor died was realized. We needed to get online ti get the voice mail password Lori had sent us last week. With a black screen this was now impossible. There was a voice mail that seemed to be from the couple that called so, I just called them back. They wanted to stay but, wouldn't be to Quepos until after 9pm. I told them we dont go to town that late and needed to talk to Kevin. Seems her husband had a work thing and they were heading down after. Well, Kevin wasn't hearing that and I was told 'to fuck those people' and not to call them back. NICE.
I went outside and found Tavo wrapped around the table with his leash, unable to move. I was talking to the dog telling him how dumb he can be. Kevin, overhearing this, flips out saying that I was complaining about something again. Hello? If memory serves, the day was full of his bitching and complaints of how inadequate I am in his eyes. WTF? I was just talking about to the dog!!!!
Once again, I am at the end of my rope here. I cannot take his mood swings and how he blames me for everything. Im sick of losing money here because now I have no computer. If we stay I would have to buy a new one. Plus, this trip for the visa run and the changing of the plane tickets was going to cost me over $1000.00. Another 3 months of this bullshit, I don't know if this is what I want.
Then, needling me with questions, I finally told him we should leave at the end of the month.Pushing even harder, he got his words shoved back in his face - that once we left here we should probably separate. After all, it was easier for one person to find a place to stay with friends than 2...and he knew it.
After a few minutes of conversation I went into the bedroom to read, with Pixie curled up on my neck. I was full of nervous energy so I got up and hand write my journal. This lasted all of 5 minutes before Kevin was up trowing things around the house telling me to leave tonight. So, I took the phone and went on the porch to call Gypsy for a place to stay tomorrow. Well, he proceeded to lock me out of the house screaming for me to get the fuck out and to leave right now. He finally let me in because he wanted to talk. (I walked in to find everything the Whitfields left in 4 tote tubs strewn all over the house, for me to clean up!!!!!!!!) About what?!? About how tomorrow I was going to be without a computer and water. I simply told him that I am fine and most mornings I have lived without both - that it was his attitude that affected me negatively day after day. All he could say is that he was here to do things with me no matter what it was - fine, I've heard it all before. Nothing ever changes. For now, Im just tired, with a beer and 2 anxiety pills in me.
Oh, by the way, I have a date with Gypsy on Monday to go to her doctor to see about something that can even me out. The panic attacks Im having are the worst I've ever had. I already know that unless the person Im around is stable, nothing will ever truly help. I probably could live here easier, if that were the case...I had told him this earlier. Nothing anyone wants to hear but, the truth all the same. This girl needs real love, attention and affection. I just plain dont get this from him.
Tomorrow I will do my best, as always, to keep the peace but, the 90 day visa issue Im really going to have to think about.
FRIDAY JULY 9, 2010
THROWING IN THE TOWEL
all day at the casa
This morning we woke to no running water and the realization that the electricity to the house has no ground wire is what fried my computer. I just cant take it anymore. Although Kevin has an aversion to going back to St. Augustine Beach, there is no where else to go with people we can rely on. At least in St. Augustine Beach we have a few friends to help us get on our feet. Plus, knowing the lay of the land helps us find a place through CraigsList.
We went to town for something to do, just have some lunch. As always, the trip to town was a good change of pace and lets the stress subside some...but not my panic attacks. I cant wait till Monday to see the doctor because my nerves are a wreck. Am I that spoiled that I cannot take living here? Probably not. Its more the company I have and the clear picture of the future and knowing it wont get any better with Kevin...or the water. LOL Once he admitted he liked it here but couldn't handle the stress it brought him, I was somewhat relieved. As the day passed more anxiety subsided. Now the challenge was to find a place to stay in the states.
Around dinner time Ricky proceeded to cut down the tree they had just topped yesterday. So, after a few hours of listening to a chainsaw we finally had enough peas to sit on the porch and indulge in a few rum drinks. We talked about our stop at the bakery while we were in town. We offered Mike the house and explained that we would like to recoup some of the 9 months rent I will lose by leaving. He understood and although he didnt want to live on Cocal any longer, he wold do his best to find someone to sublet to. If not, we would have to ask Ricky to care for Tavo and Nalu.
Kevin also called Alvin today. He was in San Jose today until Monday and said he would help in any way he could. This was a good thing because we were going to have try to sell some of the things we came with, just to lighten our load. Yeah, we will be going home with less than we came with...and to me that's real sad because I have lost so much, on so many levels already this year......
SATURDAY JULY 1O, 2010
ON THE HUNT
11 am at the casa
Today Kevin went to the mountains with Ricky and Domingo to hunt. He woke at 4am and Im not sure when or what time they will be back. I spent a lot of time trying to get a hold of the people at Stone Cove apartments in St. Augustine Beach. They are running a move in special of $399.00 to move in. They have studio apartments that run about $500.00 a month, we had looked at them when we moved back from Anna Maria Island so, we know waht they look like, it was a start. Unfortunately, no one answered the phone there but, luckily Cyndi she would help if she could.
I sit here alone and wonder...it seems Kevin would be happy here outside of the daily stresses which, the littlest thing he blows up in to a catastrophe. I know there is stress everywhere but, when your feelings of isolation compound an already unstable mind in Kevin, it makes living a simple life unbearable. Not to mention our struggle to communicate. I wish he could be happy here and not have it drain what little resources I have. If I could get an apartment in Stone Cove I would be happy. I would be content with riding a bicycle around town. After all, I do nothing but walk everywhere here and a bicycle would be a welcome change. Im sure Kevin will want more than his motorcycle for transportation so we can leave the island and do things. But, after living this life, a bicycle and all that St. Augustine Beach has will be more than enough for me for a while...just so long as Kevin stops the way he acts and treats me.
12 NOON
The guys came back with a wild boar. Ricky skinned and quartered the beast and ate lunch. After we smoked a little then another problem arose. It seems that one of the posts Ben used to run his power line has been eaten through by ants. GREAT! Now, Kevin and Ricky are fixing yet another problem left by the Whitefields.
Which brings me to my latest realization...Since the neighbors took down our huge shade tree, the house is even hotter than ever. We just wanted it trimmed, which we did, not cut all the way down. Now Im sweltering in an already warm house in the middle of the Costa Rican winter. Does the bullshit here ever end?!?!
NOW IT RAINS
4pm
Im laying on the bed watching the rain and it hit me. It's almost like if there were less people around us (living with multiple families in small shacks right on our property line) it all could be tolerated a bit better.
Kevin now looks forward to A/C and computer games, since the decision to move home has been made. Me? I know a certain part of me will miss the solitude of living this simple life. After all I've been through here, I may have a hard time dealing with my closest friends mundane problems. But, at least at home there us someone to call, here there is no one. Plus, I have learned to live with less, and not being able to do that (for people like Kevin)makes all the problems in the world. People really dont need more, they need less. Casa de Rasta has been like a mirror image of what we expected. If you think its one way, or at least should be...the reality is a 180.
So, it seems my laptop has finally gone to sleep. It won't power up and Kevin is looking at it now. Shit, some computer was better than NO computer....fuck!
8:30 pm
Today was yet another roller coaster ride. At this point I cannot even remember what set it off this morning. Oh yeah, I answered a question too vaguely. Vague answers, for me avoid a confrontation but, not today. Even this was a problem.Instead of saying "hey come to the beach while I surf and take some pictures"...no, I instead I gwt wrath. I just cant take it. Now trying to not cause a problem, causes a problem.
I couldn't get into my Skype account because I couldn't remember the password. I knew this would piss him off so, I tried to avoid the subject-no deal. To try and make the best of it, I grabbed my camera and went to the beach. Shortly after, he came down with his surfboard, cursing me the whole way to the water. Still trying to make the best of it, I stayed and took surf pics.
Just as he caught his last wave, the camera battery went dead...good timing. We went back to the house and Ricardo was still there removing tree limbs from the yard. This was another issue because he showed up while we were on the beach earlier - before the drama du jour began. The plan was that we would clear the rest of the limbs sometime that day but, Ricardo was looking for drink money. We also wanted to go to town but, now with someone in the yard that was put on hold. Shortly after our return, luckily, he was done. Kevin gave him 700 colones and sent him on his way.
So, with Ricardo finished we went to town and had lunch. Then, stopped by the travel agent trying to find a cheaper to our visa run. You see, this morning my computer was melting down bad. I knew it would be unuseable soon. The trip to town was a good distraction, or so I thought. We went by the video store and picked up a couple more bootleg movies and stopped and had a few cocktails before we headed home.
When we arrived home, Domingo was suppose to get wood for fire from the yard. Yesterday he helped trim the tree and we told him he could take firewood. Earlier, on our way out the door to town, he stopped by to let us know he would be by after 3. This was fine with us but, as suspected, he waited till we got home. So, he and Kevin hauled the wood across the street while I fixed the broken extension cord.
During this time a girl called and asked if she and her husband could camp for the night. I let them know the good and the bad about staying and she said she would call back.
Once everyone was gone, the realization that the computer monitor died was realized. We needed to get online ti get the voice mail password Lori had sent us last week. With a black screen this was now impossible. There was a voice mail that seemed to be from the couple that called so, I just called them back. They wanted to stay but, wouldn't be to Quepos until after 9pm. I told them we dont go to town that late and needed to talk to Kevin. Seems her husband had a work thing and they were heading down after. Well, Kevin wasn't hearing that and I was told 'to fuck those people' and not to call them back. NICE.
I went outside and found Tavo wrapped around the table with his leash, unable to move. I was talking to the dog telling him how dumb he can be. Kevin, overhearing this, flips out saying that I was complaining about something again. Hello? If memory serves, the day was full of his bitching and complaints of how inadequate I am in his eyes. WTF? I was just talking about to the dog!!!!
Once again, I am at the end of my rope here. I cannot take his mood swings and how he blames me for everything. Im sick of losing money here because now I have no computer. If we stay I would have to buy a new one. Plus, this trip for the visa run and the changing of the plane tickets was going to cost me over $1000.00. Another 3 months of this bullshit, I don't know if this is what I want.
Then, needling me with questions, I finally told him we should leave at the end of the month.Pushing even harder, he got his words shoved back in his face - that once we left here we should probably separate. After all, it was easier for one person to find a place to stay with friends than 2...and he knew it.
After a few minutes of conversation I went into the bedroom to read, with Pixie curled up on my neck. I was full of nervous energy so I got up and hand write my journal. This lasted all of 5 minutes before Kevin was up trowing things around the house telling me to leave tonight. So, I took the phone and went on the porch to call Gypsy for a place to stay tomorrow. Well, he proceeded to lock me out of the house screaming for me to get the fuck out and to leave right now. He finally let me in because he wanted to talk. (I walked in to find everything the Whitfields left in 4 tote tubs strewn all over the house, for me to clean up!!!!!!!!) About what?!? About how tomorrow I was going to be without a computer and water. I simply told him that I am fine and most mornings I have lived without both - that it was his attitude that affected me negatively day after day. All he could say is that he was here to do things with me no matter what it was - fine, I've heard it all before. Nothing ever changes. For now, Im just tired, with a beer and 2 anxiety pills in me.
Oh, by the way, I have a date with Gypsy on Monday to go to her doctor to see about something that can even me out. The panic attacks Im having are the worst I've ever had. I already know that unless the person Im around is stable, nothing will ever truly help. I probably could live here easier, if that were the case...I had told him this earlier. Nothing anyone wants to hear but, the truth all the same. This girl needs real love, attention and affection. I just plain dont get this from him.
Tomorrow I will do my best, as always, to keep the peace but, the 90 day visa issue Im really going to have to think about.
FRIDAY JULY 9, 2010
THROWING IN THE TOWEL
all day at the casa
This morning we woke to no running water and the realization that the electricity to the house has no ground wire is what fried my computer. I just cant take it anymore. Although Kevin has an aversion to going back to St. Augustine Beach, there is no where else to go with people we can rely on. At least in St. Augustine Beach we have a few friends to help us get on our feet. Plus, knowing the lay of the land helps us find a place through CraigsList.
We went to town for something to do, just have some lunch. As always, the trip to town was a good change of pace and lets the stress subside some...but not my panic attacks. I cant wait till Monday to see the doctor because my nerves are a wreck. Am I that spoiled that I cannot take living here? Probably not. Its more the company I have and the clear picture of the future and knowing it wont get any better with Kevin...or the water. LOL Once he admitted he liked it here but couldn't handle the stress it brought him, I was somewhat relieved. As the day passed more anxiety subsided. Now the challenge was to find a place to stay in the states.
Around dinner time Ricky proceeded to cut down the tree they had just topped yesterday. So, after a few hours of listening to a chainsaw we finally had enough peas to sit on the porch and indulge in a few rum drinks. We talked about our stop at the bakery while we were in town. We offered Mike the house and explained that we would like to recoup some of the 9 months rent I will lose by leaving. He understood and although he didnt want to live on Cocal any longer, he wold do his best to find someone to sublet to. If not, we would have to ask Ricky to care for Tavo and Nalu.
Kevin also called Alvin today. He was in San Jose today until Monday and said he would help in any way he could. This was a good thing because we were going to have try to sell some of the things we came with, just to lighten our load. Yeah, we will be going home with less than we came with...and to me that's real sad because I have lost so much, on so many levels already this year......
SATURDAY JULY 1O, 2010
ON THE HUNT
11 am at the casa
Today Kevin went to the mountains with Ricky and Domingo to hunt. He woke at 4am and Im not sure when or what time they will be back. I spent a lot of time trying to get a hold of the people at Stone Cove apartments in St. Augustine Beach. They are running a move in special of $399.00 to move in. They have studio apartments that run about $500.00 a month, we had looked at them when we moved back from Anna Maria Island so, we know waht they look like, it was a start. Unfortunately, no one answered the phone there but, luckily Cyndi she would help if she could.
I sit here alone and wonder...it seems Kevin would be happy here outside of the daily stresses which, the littlest thing he blows up in to a catastrophe. I know there is stress everywhere but, when your feelings of isolation compound an already unstable mind in Kevin, it makes living a simple life unbearable. Not to mention our struggle to communicate. I wish he could be happy here and not have it drain what little resources I have. If I could get an apartment in Stone Cove I would be happy. I would be content with riding a bicycle around town. After all, I do nothing but walk everywhere here and a bicycle would be a welcome change. Im sure Kevin will want more than his motorcycle for transportation so we can leave the island and do things. But, after living this life, a bicycle and all that St. Augustine Beach has will be more than enough for me for a while...just so long as Kevin stops the way he acts and treats me.
12 NOON
The guys came back with a wild boar. Ricky skinned and quartered the beast and ate lunch. After we smoked a little then another problem arose. It seems that one of the posts Ben used to run his power line has been eaten through by ants. GREAT! Now, Kevin and Ricky are fixing yet another problem left by the Whitefields.
Which brings me to my latest realization...Since the neighbors took down our huge shade tree, the house is even hotter than ever. We just wanted it trimmed, which we did, not cut all the way down. Now Im sweltering in an already warm house in the middle of the Costa Rican winter. Does the bullshit here ever end?!?!
NOW IT RAINS
4pm
Im laying on the bed watching the rain and it hit me. It's almost like if there were less people around us (living with multiple families in small shacks right on our property line) it all could be tolerated a bit better.
Kevin now looks forward to A/C and computer games, since the decision to move home has been made. Me? I know a certain part of me will miss the solitude of living this simple life. After all I've been through here, I may have a hard time dealing with my closest friends mundane problems. But, at least at home there us someone to call, here there is no one. Plus, I have learned to live with less, and not being able to do that (for people like Kevin)makes all the problems in the world. People really dont need more, they need less. Casa de Rasta has been like a mirror image of what we expected. If you think its one way, or at least should be...the reality is a 180.
So, it seems my laptop has finally gone to sleep. It won't power up and Kevin is looking at it now. Shit, some computer was better than NO computer....fuck!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Coming Soon.....
I dont plan on writing about the past 6 months, but I do miss the cathartic experience of writing and letting things out. So, once the Costa Rica saga is through, you may find me writing about "Mi Vida Loca", here back home. My new life here has been overwhelming at times, for the simplicity that I loved about my Costa Rican adventure has been hard to hold on to. Ive tried to re adjust to the best of my abilities and feel as though I am finally settling down into a life less familiar. Ive learned who my real friends are and found someone I love completely. Having said that, the closest to me have watched the changes in me and my life, good and bad. Needless to say, the time has passed quickly and taken me on the proverbial roller coaster ride emotionally. As I sit here and write, I am finding a level of contentment but, you all must know that my Gypsy Heart still longs to wander...I find too many hours in some days, yet feel that my life is too short. So, the wanderlust remains.
Who knows where my Gypsy Heart will find me in another 6 months. Yet, Ive learned that you never know what will happen in a day and some days can bring the happiest of surprises more than it can bring me the sadness I have felt in the past.
Who knows where my Gypsy Heart will find me in another 6 months. Yet, Ive learned that you never know what will happen in a day and some days can bring the happiest of surprises more than it can bring me the sadness I have felt in the past.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
your gonna have to wiat for the ending....
The electricity, or lack of proper wiring, has taken my computer.
For now, I am writing my journal by hand until I can get my computer fixed or Kevin gets his...see you all soon...
Saturday, July 10, 2010
this may be my last post for a while....my computer is breaking down
Thursday July 1st, 2010
Not much goin’ on…
All day at the casa
Today I just laid low. The computer had, yet another, melt down. Kevin spent most of the day trying to fix it without reformatting. I finished the book I was reading, Exit to Eden and had nothing to read. I read every article in the Rolling Stone I brought with me…really leaving nothing to read. I try to save any dvds for night time, before we go to bed. So, I found an old Cosmopolitan of Lori’s and started reading that. Luckily, Kevin got the computer running after devoting hours to fixing it. YAY!
We didn’t go to town today because Kevin has massive blisters from walking to the river. No big deal, tomorrow is another day. My ankle had still been bothering me so I could give it another day, myself.
Now that I have found Nip/Tuck, I continued watching the series…disc 3 season 2 done….Kevin played video games on the computer while I in my new tv show. He had watched most of this season on tv so he wasn’t as into the videos as I was. All good, just the same.
Friday July 2nd, 2010
2 months down
9:30 am downtown Quepos
Off to town we went…its been a week since we went. Charlie stuck around the property for us while we were gone. The cabina is a mosquito magnet and even after sleeping under a bug net, Charlie was still complaining of how the mosquitoes kept him up. With all the rain yesterday, the mosquitoes must be multiplying quick!
My first online purchase arrived and we found it in the post office box today. Yay…so we can get stuff here! This was some Rid-X for the outhouse. Nothing fun but something useful.
We stopped and had some breakfast at Kevins favorite spot. Black beans and rice, scrambled eggs, butterd bread and Tamarindo juice…not bad for about 3 dollars. Then off to the ever loved Pali to get our staples and other groceries. I was surprised that everything fit into the bags we brought.
It was after 10 so we headed to the bookstore. I picked up 2 Nora Roberts books to read, for now. Next time I go I return the books and 2 that I brought with me, for store credit. Gotta love a book exchange program. Next we headed to the American Video store. We wanted to pick up some more dvds…they sell bootleg dvds for 1 or 2 dollars. They also rent, but last time we went in, the girl didn’t speak English, so we just bought instead. Kevin says what the fuck its only a dollar or 2 just to have them…But when we got there they weren’t open yet. They didn’t open till noon. Bummer. Last time we were in there they had a copy of ‘Alice in Wonderland’ with Johnny Depp. The movie that was on in the plane on the flight over. Since Kevin didn’t watch it and I fell asleep we wanted to pick that one up…oh well. There’s still the rest of Nip/Tuck season 2 to watch…lol.
Talking
1pm in the casa kitchen
Kevin was frustrated again this morning. So, after an enjoyable walk to town, talked it out. I mostly listened. Which is a good thing sometimes. We did converse about our 90 day visa stamp and our trip to Panama. I think at the beginning of the week we are going to go to the travel agent in Quepos to set up our trip. I have no idea where to go, how to get there or where to stay. So, some professional help is in order. I called Gypsy and left her a message. We need her schedule so we can plan our trip. Gypsy will be the one staying in the house and watching Pixie so we can plan on anything till we know her availability. The conversation went well. Its always good when Kevin can get stuff off his chest. I just asked him to try and imagine what it is like for me, having to deal with his frustrations. He understood completely and we always try to make an effort to make a change for the better after these conversations. Some days its hard, some days its not….but we are only human after all.
After our talk, I made this cake thing I made for Kevin yesterday. Its base was pancake mix and oatmeal with bananas. It came out really good, especially warm with some syrup. While on our way home we saw Maria, Ricky’s oldest. She ran up and hugged me, as did her friend. Lori would bring the kids sweets and treats sometimes from in town but this is a habit I am trying not to get into. Kevin asked if I could make the kids one of those cakes so I promised Maria I would make one and bring it down and told her they needed to eat it while it was hot. I added some sweet coconut to theirs, along with some syrup on the top…right out of the oven…so it would soak in. It looked yummy and Kevin just headed over to bring it to them. I also sent over a Tupperware of mixed veggies. I made them with yucca and Kevin wasn’t thrilled with the favor of the yucca that way. I guess with the other piece of yucca, from Francisco, I will try the boil then fry method. You fry them like you do the plantains. Hopefully the fried version will taste better.
Since we didn’t get any movies, Im thinking Nip/Tuck video 4 season2 is in order.
Saturday July 3rd, 2010
To town
10:30 am downtown Quepos
Off to town we went as Charlie packed to leave. The trip in town was fun. We stopped and had lunch and beers, then went to the Pali. After, we stopped at the bookstore and I bought 2 Nora Roberts books. Then off to the Americana Video. There we bought bootlegs of ‘Sherlock Holmes’, ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and ‘Its Complicated’. Satisfied, we set off for home.
The lights go off
Dunno what time at the casa
Arrgh! I went to turn on the fan in the bedroom and there was no electricity. At first, I thought the fan was out of commission, but it was the power. I tried calling ICE, but no one speaks English. All I got from the conversations was ‘No, Quepos…No, Quepos.’ ‘Graicias’ was all I could say. After a while, Charlie called with the news that he was coming back for the night and that all of Queops was without electric and water.
So, we decided to cook dinner over a wood fire in our make-shift grill. As we were preparing, the lights came back on but we said ‘Fuck it’, we would build a fire and cook the chicken, anyway. The smoke from the fire keeps the mosquitoes away and we knew Charlie was coming back to have a couple beers. So, this way we could sit on the porch without getting eaten alive.
Ben had a table made from a big wood cable spool with a top on one end. This was the table I made the grill on. When I built the grill I constructed it so there was a catch pan for ashes and a rack to build the fire on. When Ricky
came over last week to cook lunch he re arranged it and built the fire right in the pan. I had a piece of tin over the wooden top thinking this would keep the wood from catching fire. I guess not when the fire is right on the tin and not elevated because Kevin noticed that there was smoke coming from under the tin. Well, the heat burned right through the center hole of the spool. I told Kevin that the fire had to have started when Ricky was cooking. He had that fire raging for a few hours, we only cooked one piece of chicken. I remembered the old configuration of the grill and knew it was Ricky’s re-build that caused the fire. We laughed because it was just pain funny and off we went to watch ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and Charlie went to crash in the cabina for one last night.
Sunday July 4th. 2010
Charlie leaves today
4:30 pm at the casa
After a long morning of ‘discussions’, Charlie left. The discussions started with my frustrations over not getting a call back from Gypsy about our visa run. I Knew I shouldn’t have said a word, but I did. The conversation escalated into Kevin declaring that we would just go home at the end of the month. Neither of us was ready to leave, and the while we discussed I chatted with Dee on MSN. Luckily, she was there to ‘talk’ to and a breakdown was avoided on my part.
After a few hours of discussions, Ricky came by with Francisco and smoked a Tico fatty with Kevin and I continued my chat with Nana.
Finally, he said that we promised each other we wouldn’t talk this bullshit anymore and that we promised each other we would stay a minimum of 6 months here, then re-evaluate then. So, that is what we are going to do. It just gets real hard when I or we feel like we cannot depend on anyone. It stirs the feelings of isolation and these are things we are trying to make a conscious effort to avoid. In the end we laughed and said that Gypsy would probably call tonite or in the morning. She did just that.. At 7:48pm the phone rang and it was her. She checked her schedule and as a professional house/pet sitter, luckily had nothing booked. So this week we are free to make our plans for our visa run. Something to look forward to and another hurdle cleared.
Charlie left this evening saying he would return with Kristin in about a month. For the first time, I actually believe these words. Charlie is going to backpack and camp around Costa with his girlfriend for a few weeks. Charlie made some good fiends here and had good times despite all he lost here. This is what makes me believe we will see him again. I just couldn’t help but think that this might actually be the first time Charlie left here without forgetting something…good for him.
Monday July 5th. 2010
Alone again…just the 2 of us
9:30 pm at the casa
When I saw Charlie bike onto the property, I laughed. I knew he couldn’t not forget something! The night the lights went out, he was waiting to get his bus ticket and had to wait for the electric to come on. Well, good ole Charlie lost his bus ticket. All I could say was that it is a good thing he was going to have Kristin to travel with him because he is always losing or forgetting something. With the ticket not here, now he would have to hope he could purchase another one. OY-VEY! The money its cost him just because he cant keep his head on straight….bus tickets, debit cards…yes, it’s a good thing Kristin is coming to travel with him for a while.
We headed out to the yard to take down the tearing tarps over one of the camping structures. It fills up with water when it rains and was tearing at the edges from the weight. Then, we took down the tore up electrical cord that was
running to the campsite. With the way we lose and gain power here we didn’t want a loose cord hanging. Plus, no one was coming to stay so, Kevin said fuck it. The public water doesn’t come on till after 9 most nights and stops before 5 most mornings. This is a real deal breaker for having a camp ground. How can you possibly tell someone they have to wait till between 9pm and 5am to shower…or that they are only allowed to take a 2 minute shower while we are on the tank?
Anyway, Ricky came by to take Kevin with him to get diesel. Ricky says that you spray it on the ground around the house and cabina. This will kill all the ants and mosquitoes but not harm the plants. Even though this is day 3 of Kevin having swollen glands and a poopie belly, he went along. He told me he just wanted to lay low today, but he felt up to it so off he went.
Tomorrow we will go to town to go to the travel agent and the farmacia. Here, at the pharmacy, they will dispense any drug over the counter, just not narcotics. Its my understanding that you explain to the pharmacist what ails you and they hook you up. Im thinking some antibiotics are in order for Mr. Kevin.
It took all day but Kevin downloaded ‘Eclipse’ for us to watch tonight. Cool. He fell asleep half way through…I watched the whole thing and loved it…
Tuesday July 6th. 2010
Despair
8:30 am at the casa
I woke at 6:45am, made coffee, did laundry and washed dishes. I started to make Kevin an egg sandwich and realized we were out of water. It was about 8:30...this isn’t good. The stress of it and Kevin’s reaction made a knot in my throat and tightness in my chest. I just don’t know how long I can take this. The stress of the stupid shit that goes on here will kill me, I swear. I didn’t sell all of my belongings to go home now, but I also didn’t sell it all to deal with bullshit every other day. I really want nothing ore than to go home. I cannot see living like this for 4 more months because nothing has gotten any better here.
Breathe…
10am at the casa
Ok, so I guess Kevin talked me down. I can breathe again. I think we are going to head to town to ‘get away’ for a few hours. Maybe we will even plan our rip to Panama.
Ricardo, from across the street, just came over and is talking to Kevin. I wonder what’s up…they are in the front yard walking around.
Kevin is talking with someone from St Augustine who is interested in coming to stay with us and commune. Heidi eluded that she and Doug are interested in an adventure like ours. So, I let her know that we are looking for someone to come stay with us on the property. Who knows, maybe it will be them….or the surfer from St Augustine. Either way, I know, that nothing will happen before it suppose to and the right person/people will come in time.
I guess Ricardo is broke and in need of money. He gave Kevin 2 pieces of art form a local and asked if he needed any help with anything. Kevin gave him a Mil and told him he can help tomorrow while he and Ricky trim some trees in the yard. Yet again, I need to focus on what I have and not what I don’t…
Later that day…
We walked to town. I needed to get out of this house. Kevin told me that the neighbors want us to cut down all the almond trees that line the property because limbs are falling on their house and impeding their farming. They knew the trees where there when they set up their little compound. Fuck, more to worry about trying to ‘keep the peace’
around here. As of we didn’t have enough to worry about. Breathe…
We had lunch at a little soda downtown. Then, went to the travel agent. She hooked us up with a deal on going to San Andres Island. All inclusive, airfare too, for 220/pp plus tax. San Andres is in the Caribbean off Columbia by Costa Rica. Its post card beautiful. We told her to get a confirmation without even asking to see anything about the hotel we were to stay in or anything…Later, around 6 she called with the reservation and asked us to come in with Kevins passport.
At around 7pm I heard what I thought was something hitting the side of the house. I wnet out a looked, and the complaining neighbor was piling bamboo and wood along the property line near a new frame of a structure. Great, more people moving in next door…and the construction…and loss of water that goes with it. I knew when I saw the frame- like structure go up the other day that there were more people moving in. We just tried not to believe it.
So, we ended the day better than it had started. Kevin fell asleep by 9 and I was up till 11. The public water didn’t start on till 10:30. I knew there was going to be a problem in the morning. I tossed and turned all night. I heard Kevin wake a few times and check the water. All I wanted to do was sleep.
Wednesday July 7th. 2010
No water day 2...
6am at the casa
I woke and went to the out house. Came back and laid back down. I just wanted to sleep. I could feel the anxiety stirring inside me. Kevin came in and laid down with me. He told me he wrote a letter to ICE complaining about the fact that non-residents cant get cell phones. Then he told me, what I already knew, about the water.
We both wanted nothing more than to just go home. But with no where to stay when we get there and just enough money to get us going…it was going to be real hard. If we knew we had a place to stay when we got home, no doubt the white flag would have been raised.
Today Kevin and Ricky planned on trimming…even before the neighbor complained. So, as our ‘go to guy’ we asked Ricky about the water problem. He talked to Domingo, across the street and Doming was having the same problem…a lot of people were. He explained it was because of the terrain and how the water line goes up and down. There just want enough pressure to push up and down. Ok, in my mind the towel has been thrown in.
But, there was a pump and well on the property. The water in it was no good so, the guys were gonna dig up the pump and dig another well closer to the house and tie it into the plumbing. Then, Domingo told them that the existing well was deep enough. All that needed to be done was to run the pump for about 8 hours to clean out the well water. So that’s what they did and proceeded to start trimming the trees. Crisis averted, I guess. Now I have to think of the power line and how it runs through all the trees they are trimming.
For me. 2 colonapins later, I sat down to write and started a pot of black beans. I don’t know how much longer I can take this daily roller coaster ride. I love roller coasters, but, not the one labeled ‘Costa Rican life’. Maybe the key is the daily intake of prescription drugs. Doctor visits are cheap. I will have to think about this one…
So, I called the travel agent about the total cost with taxes, hoping it would be not more than 5-600.…no its 784.00. I knew it would be high, international travel has high taxing…I have to talk to Kevin about this one. If we do this, we cant afford to do it again in 6 and again in 9 months…we’ll see what he says. I think I need an icy cold cerveza right about now…
Not much goin’ on…
All day at the casa
Today I just laid low. The computer had, yet another, melt down. Kevin spent most of the day trying to fix it without reformatting. I finished the book I was reading, Exit to Eden and had nothing to read. I read every article in the Rolling Stone I brought with me…really leaving nothing to read. I try to save any dvds for night time, before we go to bed. So, I found an old Cosmopolitan of Lori’s and started reading that. Luckily, Kevin got the computer running after devoting hours to fixing it. YAY!
We didn’t go to town today because Kevin has massive blisters from walking to the river. No big deal, tomorrow is another day. My ankle had still been bothering me so I could give it another day, myself.
Now that I have found Nip/Tuck, I continued watching the series…disc 3 season 2 done….Kevin played video games on the computer while I in my new tv show. He had watched most of this season on tv so he wasn’t as into the videos as I was. All good, just the same.
Friday July 2nd, 2010
2 months down
9:30 am downtown Quepos
Off to town we went…its been a week since we went. Charlie stuck around the property for us while we were gone. The cabina is a mosquito magnet and even after sleeping under a bug net, Charlie was still complaining of how the mosquitoes kept him up. With all the rain yesterday, the mosquitoes must be multiplying quick!
My first online purchase arrived and we found it in the post office box today. Yay…so we can get stuff here! This was some Rid-X for the outhouse. Nothing fun but something useful.
We stopped and had some breakfast at Kevins favorite spot. Black beans and rice, scrambled eggs, butterd bread and Tamarindo juice…not bad for about 3 dollars. Then off to the ever loved Pali to get our staples and other groceries. I was surprised that everything fit into the bags we brought.
It was after 10 so we headed to the bookstore. I picked up 2 Nora Roberts books to read, for now. Next time I go I return the books and 2 that I brought with me, for store credit. Gotta love a book exchange program. Next we headed to the American Video store. We wanted to pick up some more dvds…they sell bootleg dvds for 1 or 2 dollars. They also rent, but last time we went in, the girl didn’t speak English, so we just bought instead. Kevin says what the fuck its only a dollar or 2 just to have them…But when we got there they weren’t open yet. They didn’t open till noon. Bummer. Last time we were in there they had a copy of ‘Alice in Wonderland’ with Johnny Depp. The movie that was on in the plane on the flight over. Since Kevin didn’t watch it and I fell asleep we wanted to pick that one up…oh well. There’s still the rest of Nip/Tuck season 2 to watch…lol.
Talking
1pm in the casa kitchen
Kevin was frustrated again this morning. So, after an enjoyable walk to town, talked it out. I mostly listened. Which is a good thing sometimes. We did converse about our 90 day visa stamp and our trip to Panama. I think at the beginning of the week we are going to go to the travel agent in Quepos to set up our trip. I have no idea where to go, how to get there or where to stay. So, some professional help is in order. I called Gypsy and left her a message. We need her schedule so we can plan our trip. Gypsy will be the one staying in the house and watching Pixie so we can plan on anything till we know her availability. The conversation went well. Its always good when Kevin can get stuff off his chest. I just asked him to try and imagine what it is like for me, having to deal with his frustrations. He understood completely and we always try to make an effort to make a change for the better after these conversations. Some days its hard, some days its not….but we are only human after all.
After our talk, I made this cake thing I made for Kevin yesterday. Its base was pancake mix and oatmeal with bananas. It came out really good, especially warm with some syrup. While on our way home we saw Maria, Ricky’s oldest. She ran up and hugged me, as did her friend. Lori would bring the kids sweets and treats sometimes from in town but this is a habit I am trying not to get into. Kevin asked if I could make the kids one of those cakes so I promised Maria I would make one and bring it down and told her they needed to eat it while it was hot. I added some sweet coconut to theirs, along with some syrup on the top…right out of the oven…so it would soak in. It looked yummy and Kevin just headed over to bring it to them. I also sent over a Tupperware of mixed veggies. I made them with yucca and Kevin wasn’t thrilled with the favor of the yucca that way. I guess with the other piece of yucca, from Francisco, I will try the boil then fry method. You fry them like you do the plantains. Hopefully the fried version will taste better.
Since we didn’t get any movies, Im thinking Nip/Tuck video 4 season2 is in order.
Saturday July 3rd, 2010
To town
10:30 am downtown Quepos
Off to town we went as Charlie packed to leave. The trip in town was fun. We stopped and had lunch and beers, then went to the Pali. After, we stopped at the bookstore and I bought 2 Nora Roberts books. Then off to the Americana Video. There we bought bootlegs of ‘Sherlock Holmes’, ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and ‘Its Complicated’. Satisfied, we set off for home.
The lights go off
Dunno what time at the casa
Arrgh! I went to turn on the fan in the bedroom and there was no electricity. At first, I thought the fan was out of commission, but it was the power. I tried calling ICE, but no one speaks English. All I got from the conversations was ‘No, Quepos…No, Quepos.’ ‘Graicias’ was all I could say. After a while, Charlie called with the news that he was coming back for the night and that all of Queops was without electric and water.
So, we decided to cook dinner over a wood fire in our make-shift grill. As we were preparing, the lights came back on but we said ‘Fuck it’, we would build a fire and cook the chicken, anyway. The smoke from the fire keeps the mosquitoes away and we knew Charlie was coming back to have a couple beers. So, this way we could sit on the porch without getting eaten alive.
Ben had a table made from a big wood cable spool with a top on one end. This was the table I made the grill on. When I built the grill I constructed it so there was a catch pan for ashes and a rack to build the fire on. When Ricky
came over last week to cook lunch he re arranged it and built the fire right in the pan. I had a piece of tin over the wooden top thinking this would keep the wood from catching fire. I guess not when the fire is right on the tin and not elevated because Kevin noticed that there was smoke coming from under the tin. Well, the heat burned right through the center hole of the spool. I told Kevin that the fire had to have started when Ricky was cooking. He had that fire raging for a few hours, we only cooked one piece of chicken. I remembered the old configuration of the grill and knew it was Ricky’s re-build that caused the fire. We laughed because it was just pain funny and off we went to watch ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and Charlie went to crash in the cabina for one last night.
Sunday July 4th. 2010
Charlie leaves today
4:30 pm at the casa
After a long morning of ‘discussions’, Charlie left. The discussions started with my frustrations over not getting a call back from Gypsy about our visa run. I Knew I shouldn’t have said a word, but I did. The conversation escalated into Kevin declaring that we would just go home at the end of the month. Neither of us was ready to leave, and the while we discussed I chatted with Dee on MSN. Luckily, she was there to ‘talk’ to and a breakdown was avoided on my part.
After a few hours of discussions, Ricky came by with Francisco and smoked a Tico fatty with Kevin and I continued my chat with Nana.
Finally, he said that we promised each other we wouldn’t talk this bullshit anymore and that we promised each other we would stay a minimum of 6 months here, then re-evaluate then. So, that is what we are going to do. It just gets real hard when I or we feel like we cannot depend on anyone. It stirs the feelings of isolation and these are things we are trying to make a conscious effort to avoid. In the end we laughed and said that Gypsy would probably call tonite or in the morning. She did just that.. At 7:48pm the phone rang and it was her. She checked her schedule and as a professional house/pet sitter, luckily had nothing booked. So this week we are free to make our plans for our visa run. Something to look forward to and another hurdle cleared.
Charlie left this evening saying he would return with Kristin in about a month. For the first time, I actually believe these words. Charlie is going to backpack and camp around Costa with his girlfriend for a few weeks. Charlie made some good fiends here and had good times despite all he lost here. This is what makes me believe we will see him again. I just couldn’t help but think that this might actually be the first time Charlie left here without forgetting something…good for him.
Monday July 5th. 2010
Alone again…just the 2 of us
9:30 pm at the casa
When I saw Charlie bike onto the property, I laughed. I knew he couldn’t not forget something! The night the lights went out, he was waiting to get his bus ticket and had to wait for the electric to come on. Well, good ole Charlie lost his bus ticket. All I could say was that it is a good thing he was going to have Kristin to travel with him because he is always losing or forgetting something. With the ticket not here, now he would have to hope he could purchase another one. OY-VEY! The money its cost him just because he cant keep his head on straight….bus tickets, debit cards…yes, it’s a good thing Kristin is coming to travel with him for a while.
We headed out to the yard to take down the tearing tarps over one of the camping structures. It fills up with water when it rains and was tearing at the edges from the weight. Then, we took down the tore up electrical cord that was
running to the campsite. With the way we lose and gain power here we didn’t want a loose cord hanging. Plus, no one was coming to stay so, Kevin said fuck it. The public water doesn’t come on till after 9 most nights and stops before 5 most mornings. This is a real deal breaker for having a camp ground. How can you possibly tell someone they have to wait till between 9pm and 5am to shower…or that they are only allowed to take a 2 minute shower while we are on the tank?
Anyway, Ricky came by to take Kevin with him to get diesel. Ricky says that you spray it on the ground around the house and cabina. This will kill all the ants and mosquitoes but not harm the plants. Even though this is day 3 of Kevin having swollen glands and a poopie belly, he went along. He told me he just wanted to lay low today, but he felt up to it so off he went.
Tomorrow we will go to town to go to the travel agent and the farmacia. Here, at the pharmacy, they will dispense any drug over the counter, just not narcotics. Its my understanding that you explain to the pharmacist what ails you and they hook you up. Im thinking some antibiotics are in order for Mr. Kevin.
It took all day but Kevin downloaded ‘Eclipse’ for us to watch tonight. Cool. He fell asleep half way through…I watched the whole thing and loved it…
Tuesday July 6th. 2010
Despair
8:30 am at the casa
I woke at 6:45am, made coffee, did laundry and washed dishes. I started to make Kevin an egg sandwich and realized we were out of water. It was about 8:30...this isn’t good. The stress of it and Kevin’s reaction made a knot in my throat and tightness in my chest. I just don’t know how long I can take this. The stress of the stupid shit that goes on here will kill me, I swear. I didn’t sell all of my belongings to go home now, but I also didn’t sell it all to deal with bullshit every other day. I really want nothing ore than to go home. I cannot see living like this for 4 more months because nothing has gotten any better here.
Breathe…
10am at the casa
Ok, so I guess Kevin talked me down. I can breathe again. I think we are going to head to town to ‘get away’ for a few hours. Maybe we will even plan our rip to Panama.
Ricardo, from across the street, just came over and is talking to Kevin. I wonder what’s up…they are in the front yard walking around.
Kevin is talking with someone from St Augustine who is interested in coming to stay with us and commune. Heidi eluded that she and Doug are interested in an adventure like ours. So, I let her know that we are looking for someone to come stay with us on the property. Who knows, maybe it will be them….or the surfer from St Augustine. Either way, I know, that nothing will happen before it suppose to and the right person/people will come in time.
I guess Ricardo is broke and in need of money. He gave Kevin 2 pieces of art form a local and asked if he needed any help with anything. Kevin gave him a Mil and told him he can help tomorrow while he and Ricky trim some trees in the yard. Yet again, I need to focus on what I have and not what I don’t…
Later that day…
We walked to town. I needed to get out of this house. Kevin told me that the neighbors want us to cut down all the almond trees that line the property because limbs are falling on their house and impeding their farming. They knew the trees where there when they set up their little compound. Fuck, more to worry about trying to ‘keep the peace’
around here. As of we didn’t have enough to worry about. Breathe…
We had lunch at a little soda downtown. Then, went to the travel agent. She hooked us up with a deal on going to San Andres Island. All inclusive, airfare too, for 220/pp plus tax. San Andres is in the Caribbean off Columbia by Costa Rica. Its post card beautiful. We told her to get a confirmation without even asking to see anything about the hotel we were to stay in or anything…Later, around 6 she called with the reservation and asked us to come in with Kevins passport.
At around 7pm I heard what I thought was something hitting the side of the house. I wnet out a looked, and the complaining neighbor was piling bamboo and wood along the property line near a new frame of a structure. Great, more people moving in next door…and the construction…and loss of water that goes with it. I knew when I saw the frame- like structure go up the other day that there were more people moving in. We just tried not to believe it.
So, we ended the day better than it had started. Kevin fell asleep by 9 and I was up till 11. The public water didn’t start on till 10:30. I knew there was going to be a problem in the morning. I tossed and turned all night. I heard Kevin wake a few times and check the water. All I wanted to do was sleep.
Wednesday July 7th. 2010
No water day 2...
6am at the casa
I woke and went to the out house. Came back and laid back down. I just wanted to sleep. I could feel the anxiety stirring inside me. Kevin came in and laid down with me. He told me he wrote a letter to ICE complaining about the fact that non-residents cant get cell phones. Then he told me, what I already knew, about the water.
We both wanted nothing more than to just go home. But with no where to stay when we get there and just enough money to get us going…it was going to be real hard. If we knew we had a place to stay when we got home, no doubt the white flag would have been raised.
Today Kevin and Ricky planned on trimming…even before the neighbor complained. So, as our ‘go to guy’ we asked Ricky about the water problem. He talked to Domingo, across the street and Doming was having the same problem…a lot of people were. He explained it was because of the terrain and how the water line goes up and down. There just want enough pressure to push up and down. Ok, in my mind the towel has been thrown in.
But, there was a pump and well on the property. The water in it was no good so, the guys were gonna dig up the pump and dig another well closer to the house and tie it into the plumbing. Then, Domingo told them that the existing well was deep enough. All that needed to be done was to run the pump for about 8 hours to clean out the well water. So that’s what they did and proceeded to start trimming the trees. Crisis averted, I guess. Now I have to think of the power line and how it runs through all the trees they are trimming.
For me. 2 colonapins later, I sat down to write and started a pot of black beans. I don’t know how much longer I can take this daily roller coaster ride. I love roller coasters, but, not the one labeled ‘Costa Rican life’. Maybe the key is the daily intake of prescription drugs. Doctor visits are cheap. I will have to think about this one…
So, I called the travel agent about the total cost with taxes, hoping it would be not more than 5-600.…no its 784.00. I knew it would be high, international travel has high taxing…I have to talk to Kevin about this one. If we do this, we cant afford to do it again in 6 and again in 9 months…we’ll see what he says. I think I need an icy cold cerveza right about now…
Monday, July 5, 2010
The last week of June...
Wednesday June 23rd, 2010
News from Ricky
4pm at the casa
Ricky stopped by today to let us know that the Ticos know who has been stealing from the commune. A Jamaican crack-head who Andy knows through the bakery. He was trying to sell Andy weed and one day it was 120 for an oz and then next it was 60. Andy told this story to Kevin on a walk to town one day. While in town, we ran across the guy and Kevin gave him 60 for weed and wound up with a bag full of tissue and plastic. Needless to say, Kevin has been stalking this guy ever since.
Ricky says he lives across the rice field and river from the commune on the main road to Quepos and comes across at low tide, it only take 10 minutes to walk. He said the ‘negro’ cant get rid of Charlie’s life jacket and still has it. Ricky said they need 30 dollars to get it back and that the Ticos would take care of it. We think they are gonna beat the shit out of the guy, get the life jacket and keep the 30 bucks for doing it.
We called Charlie to let him know and he said he would be out tomorrow to talk with Ricky. So, we will see what happens.
I swear this place has more drama than St. Augustine Beach and Wilton Manors combined.
As for things with Kev and I, things have calmed down considerably. Sometimes, I guess, a fight just gets the stress out….even though I hate it. We didn’t do much today, because I spent a lot of time online chatting with Wayne, Nana and Chip on MSN. That was great, like the old days…lol. I was informed that this journal is the hit of Wilton Manors and everyone that comes by reads it. They wait with baited breath for the next installment. Who am I to deny my fans? So, I posted the next week for them to read. I haven’t posted everything up to date yet, as I want to give everyone time to catch up. I love it, my own personal soap opera….lol.
News from Ricky
4pm at the casa
Ricky stopped by today to let us know that the Ticos know who has been stealing from the commune. A Jamaican crack-head who Andy knows through the bakery. He was trying to sell Andy weed and one day it was 120 for an oz and then next it was 60. Andy told this story to Kevin on a walk to town one day. While in town, we ran across the guy and Kevin gave him 60 for weed and wound up with a bag full of tissue and plastic. Needless to say, Kevin has been stalking this guy ever since.
Ricky says he lives across the rice field and river from the commune on the main road to Quepos and comes across at low tide, it only take 10 minutes to walk. He said the ‘negro’ cant get rid of Charlie’s life jacket and still has it. Ricky said they need 30 dollars to get it back and that the Ticos would take care of it. We think they are gonna beat the shit out of the guy, get the life jacket and keep the 30 bucks for doing it.
We called Charlie to let him know and he said he would be out tomorrow to talk with Ricky. So, we will see what happens.
I swear this place has more drama than St. Augustine Beach and Wilton Manors combined.
As for things with Kev and I, things have calmed down considerably. Sometimes, I guess, a fight just gets the stress out….even though I hate it. We didn’t do much today, because I spent a lot of time online chatting with Wayne, Nana and Chip on MSN. That was great, like the old days…lol. I was informed that this journal is the hit of Wilton Manors and everyone that comes by reads it. They wait with baited breath for the next installment. Who am I to deny my fans? So, I posted the next week for them to read. I haven’t posted everything up to date yet, as I want to give everyone time to catch up. I love it, my own personal soap opera….lol.
Thursday June 24th, 2010
The drama continues
Around noon on the casa porch
Ok, so Charlie shows to retrieve his life jacket with Rickys help. Ricky comes by and explains to Charlie that the negra from in town took it and Mario (one of the two guys we caught in our yard last week, the other is the commune neighbor who we think is stealing) can get it back. He would return in an hour.
Well, he returned all right, with his dog, a knife and a black bag. In the black bag was the life vest, but it was cut apart and unusable. Because of that they only charged him 10 dollars not 30. When I saw the life vest a huge ball of anxiety grew in my chest. This wasn’t good. It was like they were sending a message…one we didn’t like. I didn’t like being in the middle of all this and it having gone down on my porch. We were just getting over the association to Ben and Lori, now we will have to overcome this…and hope nothing starts coming up missing here.
Fuck, we don’t need this drama. Charlie, enraged, left the island. Obviously, what the thieves wanted, or at least what we thought…but why? Just because he is a gringo? Plus Ricky showing up with his knife and dog….we think he was afraid there would be a fight. About 15 minutes before Ricky came back, I saw a guy crawl under the neighbors fence and look to see if he was seen, then he disappeared. We wondered if this was back up for Ricky, in case a fight ensued. I just don’t know.
Ricky looked, honestly disappointed in the condition of the vest and we figured in all his efforts he was just trying to keep the peace. Later, Charlie called and said he talked to Ricky and Domingo on his way out and asked Ricky if Mario was really the one who did this and Ricky said he thought so. Just as we suspected, because another neighbor said he saw 2 younger guys walking with it and it wasn’t the negra. Plus, the whole time , Andy and Kevin both suspected Andy’s neighbor, who now we find runs with Mario…and they were right.
So, after much talk between Kevin and I, we decided we needed to bring in our surfboards from the loft and hang them in the house. This was the only thing of ours that was left outside. We keep the ladder to the loft locked up but we could plainly see other ways to get up there and make off with the boards. Nothing else is ours and if it disappears, not our fault, all these things have been outside since we arrived. Kevin still worries about leaving Pixie in the house when we go to town. I think she is fine because there are so many dogs here, that’s the last thing someone would steal. I did make her a little poodle bag to go to town this week, but that just makes her visible to any thieves. Im not sure how going to town is going to play out from now on, but we will see.
I told Kevin that all the drama here was too much for me. We discussed it and decided that we did need someone to work-stay here, and our focus was going to be on the property and making money, trying to block out everyone else’s bullshit. Andy should be back next week, but we’ll see. If he comes back like he said, we are going to tell him he should move his structure onto our property for safety. Kevin and he had talked about it before Andy left. We decided that even if this happens, we still want someone to work-stay. The reason Being is Andy likes to do his won thing and a work-stay person would understand that part of their job is to be here when we are not.
Being here has stressed me out more in the past 2 months than anything n the states…I told Kevin I cant even settle down enough to paint. He understood. Im hoping that we find someone soon to works stay and that Andy does return and move his structure to our property. These things would help us immensely. I came here for peace not stress. So now I am on that relentless pursuit of peace if it kills me. Like I said before, this experience is bringing Kevin and I closer, except for the stress and drama. Without that we would be living ‘pura vida’. Until then, its anxiety city for both of us…
Friday June 25th, 2010
Full steam ahead
All day at the casa
Well as I promised myself, I kept my head in the fact that we need to focus our energies on the property and making money. I posted an ad on the Surf Station forums looking for a work stay person to alleviate the stress of someone always having to be here. So far, the response has been great. Kevin got contacted by a couple who want to come and stay, but they want to bring their dog. Kevin and I both said it would be great if we had another couple here, so we’ll see what happens. I was contacted by a guy who is living in Santa Teresa and started a surf camp for a Flagler Beach Surf Shop. He would be good too because he is already in the country. Our conversations with these people will continue and I am hoping one of them works out.
Glenn and Britney have contacted us and said they were coming in August to stay for a week! We were so glad to hear this. Plus, we both chatted with Richie and he hopes to come for a visit in October over his birthday. Hell yeah.
Charlie came out today and we discussed him building his structure here on the property. He and Kevin have tentative plans to start moving Alex’s old structure here at the beginning of the week. We are also hoping that Andy decides to do the same, once he returns…if he returns. He should be back sometime this week.
I also started a website to spam to get surfers here to camp. Its just in the beginning stages, but at least I got it started.
For the past few nights I have been unable to fall asleep. Im not sure why. I have been reading ‘Exit to Eden’ every night till I cant see straight. Yet, still cant easily fall off to sleep. Cyndi has been saying something about the full moon. Maybe that’s it….its tomorrow night, and it seems to be a strong one. Not falling asleep till after 1:30 and getting up at 7 is hard on me, but I’ve been functioning pretty well on such little sleep.
Ricky came by and it seems the drama has blown over. Luckily he knows that we have no part of the issue with Charlie’s stuff going missing and its horrible return. I’ve been telling Charlie since he got there to just build and stay on the property because it is safer. He could have easily watched Andy’s space from here with the little time he has actually spent out there. Hopefully, come Monday, he will finally take us up on the invitation.
Saturday June 26th, 2010
To town and full moon tonight
All day at the casa
Today we went to town to go to the market while Charlie stayed at the house. We shopped the farmers market, went to the bakery, bought a headset for Skype and had lunch. We ate at a little soda in town and had the casado with pollo frito (fried chicken). For only 2 mil or 4 dollars we got the hugest plate of food. We had a lot of fun today in town and it made me happy and feel better. I wish we could do these things more often.
No sleepy for me
As tired as I get here, I still cannot fall asleep before midnight. Usually Kevin is asleep by 9 and I sit and read till I just cant see straight. Yet, sleep still eludes me. This may be the reason for my anxiety most days and I hate it. I wish I could sleep long hours so the days were shorter and time passed faster for me…but no such luck.
I have even resorted to drinking a few of the strong Costa Rican beers at night but that dosent help either. Maybe a few strong rum drinks will do the trick but I havent tried that yet. I use the rum to dip my monkey bread, from the bakery, in. It reminds me of the rum cakes we had on the cruise….yummy…but doest put me to sleep.
Sunday June 27th, 2010
Ricky cooks lunch
All day at the casa
Ricky showed up just before lunch to show us how he cooks his rice and beans. The trick is sweet coconut milk. This he uses to boil chicken and cook the rice. It makes the flavor so damn good.
Charlie came by while the cooking was going on. We didn’t have all that Ricky needed to prepare the whole meal so he and Kevin both made trips to the pulperia to pick up the missing ingredients. Ricky cooked out side on both the electric burner then over fire, the way all Ticos do. The fire gets hotter than electric and is cheaper, but the smoke the wood we had was massive. We definitely need to learn what wood to use and the easiest way to start the fire. I made the little outdoor kitchen yesterday to keep the heat from in the house. So far its worked out, but no fires being built yet to cook over….maybe in time.
Abandonment issues
7pm in the casa kitchen
Well, we realized by Andy’s Facebook posts that he is not planning on returning anytime soon. This pissed me off. Why cant people just tell the truth around here? Kevin says it may have been an emotional decision but still thinks before Andy left he gave clues that he wasn’t retuning. Plus, I was pissed that if he just told the truth, Charlie wouldn’t have felt obligated to watch his structure and in turn not have his things stolen. These events have made it to where, now not even Charlie plans on staying.
What we are planning on is taking apart the 2 structures on the commune and rebuilding them on the property here. This will give us a fighting chance of finding some people to stay, or a place for us to stay if we decide to rent out the main house weekly.
Tomorrow we will tell Charlie about our Facebook findings and see how he reacts.
The idea of Andy not returning set me off into anxiety land. I think it’s the deep seated abandonment issues I have from when I was 19, engaged and left in a hotel room in Arizona by my fiance. Some things you just never get over. Even though I told Kevin this is why I get so upset, he understood but said it is something I need to deal with. He is right but these are feelings I have buried for so long and events here are bringing them to the surface. As Kevin slept, I thought about these abandonment issues and why things bother me so much here. The answer I came up with might just be the fact that I am afraid I am going to lose Kevin while Im here. If something were to happen to him I would be completely alone and I think this scares me the most.
Monday June 28th, 2010
Giving the news to Charlie
8 am at the casa
We told Charlie what we found on Facebook and he was a little pissed as were we. If Andy would have only been honest the last 2 weeks would have been so much different. We could have relocated the commune structures to here and Charlie would have had a normal chance to adjust. Now, he feels as though he should just read the signs and move on from Cocal and Quepos. He and Kevin walked to the beach and he told Kevin something about the 15th. Besides the drama on Cocal, its not working out with the room he is renting in town. We told him, yet again he is welcome here. Although he and Kevin plan on moving everything to our property this week, Kevin thinks Charlie will be gone on the 15th.
We discussed it and if the guy who is living in Costa Rica is willing to come stay here, cool. If not I said maybe we should leave at the end of the month. We know financially this wont help us and know we need to stay to recoup the monies we lost in order to have a normal life at home.
Ricky came by and is replanting plantain trees. He told us we have to wait till after the full moon to do so and today was the day. So, on his way out the door to Ricky’s he said when he returned he would call Jamie, the guy in Costa and talk with him to see where it leads. Im keeping my fingers crossed because if we leave early Kevin feels like we will have been defeated and he doesn’t want that. We know we can make it here but just need a little help. As I have said before, only time will tell.
Grounding
1:30 in the casa
I called Gypsy today and she just called me back. I just needed someone here to talk to. Gypsy was a priest who is now living as a woman. The only reason I say this is because her past makes her a good listener and confidant. I debriefed her on my feeling and told her I just needed someone to talk with sometimes. In her usual fashion, she was kind and supportive of whatever we wanted to do. She said it was just plain OK to have the feelings I have and yet again, assured me that leaving the house to go to town was OK and it would be safe. She also believed as I that no one would break into the house and Pixie was safe. If only Kevin would believe that whole heartedly, my anxiety could be quelled. She told me anytime I got the nerve to walk to town alone she would meet me for lunch or whatever. Also that if I ever needed an ear she was there. Plus, if we ever wanted to explore Costa Rica she would be more than happy to watch the house and/or Pixie. She, like I, believes the key to my happiness here is getting out and seeing things, even if it is just Quepos. Talking with her made me feel better because she understands the isolation of Cocal. I guess I just need to grow some balls and walk to town alone sometimes. Im not sure what Im afraid of, but I know I must get over it. Maybe this week I will go to town alone, for no other reason than to get out of the house. I didn’t come here to do things alone, but if it keeps me sane, so be it.
Ricky and Kevin have been doing some grounding of their own. Planting, replanting and taking out the wrong trees from the yard. I guess we all need a little grounding of some sort every now and then.
The drama continues
Around noon on the casa porch
Ok, so Charlie shows to retrieve his life jacket with Rickys help. Ricky comes by and explains to Charlie that the negra from in town took it and Mario (one of the two guys we caught in our yard last week, the other is the commune neighbor who we think is stealing) can get it back. He would return in an hour.
Well, he returned all right, with his dog, a knife and a black bag. In the black bag was the life vest, but it was cut apart and unusable. Because of that they only charged him 10 dollars not 30. When I saw the life vest a huge ball of anxiety grew in my chest. This wasn’t good. It was like they were sending a message…one we didn’t like. I didn’t like being in the middle of all this and it having gone down on my porch. We were just getting over the association to Ben and Lori, now we will have to overcome this…and hope nothing starts coming up missing here.
Fuck, we don’t need this drama. Charlie, enraged, left the island. Obviously, what the thieves wanted, or at least what we thought…but why? Just because he is a gringo? Plus Ricky showing up with his knife and dog….we think he was afraid there would be a fight. About 15 minutes before Ricky came back, I saw a guy crawl under the neighbors fence and look to see if he was seen, then he disappeared. We wondered if this was back up for Ricky, in case a fight ensued. I just don’t know.
Ricky looked, honestly disappointed in the condition of the vest and we figured in all his efforts he was just trying to keep the peace. Later, Charlie called and said he talked to Ricky and Domingo on his way out and asked Ricky if Mario was really the one who did this and Ricky said he thought so. Just as we suspected, because another neighbor said he saw 2 younger guys walking with it and it wasn’t the negra. Plus, the whole time , Andy and Kevin both suspected Andy’s neighbor, who now we find runs with Mario…and they were right.
So, after much talk between Kevin and I, we decided we needed to bring in our surfboards from the loft and hang them in the house. This was the only thing of ours that was left outside. We keep the ladder to the loft locked up but we could plainly see other ways to get up there and make off with the boards. Nothing else is ours and if it disappears, not our fault, all these things have been outside since we arrived. Kevin still worries about leaving Pixie in the house when we go to town. I think she is fine because there are so many dogs here, that’s the last thing someone would steal. I did make her a little poodle bag to go to town this week, but that just makes her visible to any thieves. Im not sure how going to town is going to play out from now on, but we will see.
I told Kevin that all the drama here was too much for me. We discussed it and decided that we did need someone to work-stay here, and our focus was going to be on the property and making money, trying to block out everyone else’s bullshit. Andy should be back next week, but we’ll see. If he comes back like he said, we are going to tell him he should move his structure onto our property for safety. Kevin and he had talked about it before Andy left. We decided that even if this happens, we still want someone to work-stay. The reason Being is Andy likes to do his won thing and a work-stay person would understand that part of their job is to be here when we are not.
Being here has stressed me out more in the past 2 months than anything n the states…I told Kevin I cant even settle down enough to paint. He understood. Im hoping that we find someone soon to works stay and that Andy does return and move his structure to our property. These things would help us immensely. I came here for peace not stress. So now I am on that relentless pursuit of peace if it kills me. Like I said before, this experience is bringing Kevin and I closer, except for the stress and drama. Without that we would be living ‘pura vida’. Until then, its anxiety city for both of us…
Friday June 25th, 2010
Full steam ahead
All day at the casa
Well as I promised myself, I kept my head in the fact that we need to focus our energies on the property and making money. I posted an ad on the Surf Station forums looking for a work stay person to alleviate the stress of someone always having to be here. So far, the response has been great. Kevin got contacted by a couple who want to come and stay, but they want to bring their dog. Kevin and I both said it would be great if we had another couple here, so we’ll see what happens. I was contacted by a guy who is living in Santa Teresa and started a surf camp for a Flagler Beach Surf Shop. He would be good too because he is already in the country. Our conversations with these people will continue and I am hoping one of them works out.
Glenn and Britney have contacted us and said they were coming in August to stay for a week! We were so glad to hear this. Plus, we both chatted with Richie and he hopes to come for a visit in October over his birthday. Hell yeah.
Charlie came out today and we discussed him building his structure here on the property. He and Kevin have tentative plans to start moving Alex’s old structure here at the beginning of the week. We are also hoping that Andy decides to do the same, once he returns…if he returns. He should be back sometime this week.
I also started a website to spam to get surfers here to camp. Its just in the beginning stages, but at least I got it started.
For the past few nights I have been unable to fall asleep. Im not sure why. I have been reading ‘Exit to Eden’ every night till I cant see straight. Yet, still cant easily fall off to sleep. Cyndi has been saying something about the full moon. Maybe that’s it….its tomorrow night, and it seems to be a strong one. Not falling asleep till after 1:30 and getting up at 7 is hard on me, but I’ve been functioning pretty well on such little sleep.
Ricky came by and it seems the drama has blown over. Luckily he knows that we have no part of the issue with Charlie’s stuff going missing and its horrible return. I’ve been telling Charlie since he got there to just build and stay on the property because it is safer. He could have easily watched Andy’s space from here with the little time he has actually spent out there. Hopefully, come Monday, he will finally take us up on the invitation.
Saturday June 26th, 2010
To town and full moon tonight
All day at the casa
Today we went to town to go to the market while Charlie stayed at the house. We shopped the farmers market, went to the bakery, bought a headset for Skype and had lunch. We ate at a little soda in town and had the casado with pollo frito (fried chicken). For only 2 mil or 4 dollars we got the hugest plate of food. We had a lot of fun today in town and it made me happy and feel better. I wish we could do these things more often.
No sleepy for me
As tired as I get here, I still cannot fall asleep before midnight. Usually Kevin is asleep by 9 and I sit and read till I just cant see straight. Yet, sleep still eludes me. This may be the reason for my anxiety most days and I hate it. I wish I could sleep long hours so the days were shorter and time passed faster for me…but no such luck.
I have even resorted to drinking a few of the strong Costa Rican beers at night but that dosent help either. Maybe a few strong rum drinks will do the trick but I havent tried that yet. I use the rum to dip my monkey bread, from the bakery, in. It reminds me of the rum cakes we had on the cruise….yummy…but doest put me to sleep.
Sunday June 27th, 2010
Ricky cooks lunch
All day at the casa
Ricky showed up just before lunch to show us how he cooks his rice and beans. The trick is sweet coconut milk. This he uses to boil chicken and cook the rice. It makes the flavor so damn good.
Charlie came by while the cooking was going on. We didn’t have all that Ricky needed to prepare the whole meal so he and Kevin both made trips to the pulperia to pick up the missing ingredients. Ricky cooked out side on both the electric burner then over fire, the way all Ticos do. The fire gets hotter than electric and is cheaper, but the smoke the wood we had was massive. We definitely need to learn what wood to use and the easiest way to start the fire. I made the little outdoor kitchen yesterday to keep the heat from in the house. So far its worked out, but no fires being built yet to cook over….maybe in time.
Abandonment issues
7pm in the casa kitchen
Well, we realized by Andy’s Facebook posts that he is not planning on returning anytime soon. This pissed me off. Why cant people just tell the truth around here? Kevin says it may have been an emotional decision but still thinks before Andy left he gave clues that he wasn’t retuning. Plus, I was pissed that if he just told the truth, Charlie wouldn’t have felt obligated to watch his structure and in turn not have his things stolen. These events have made it to where, now not even Charlie plans on staying.
What we are planning on is taking apart the 2 structures on the commune and rebuilding them on the property here. This will give us a fighting chance of finding some people to stay, or a place for us to stay if we decide to rent out the main house weekly.
Tomorrow we will tell Charlie about our Facebook findings and see how he reacts.
The idea of Andy not returning set me off into anxiety land. I think it’s the deep seated abandonment issues I have from when I was 19, engaged and left in a hotel room in Arizona by my fiance. Some things you just never get over. Even though I told Kevin this is why I get so upset, he understood but said it is something I need to deal with. He is right but these are feelings I have buried for so long and events here are bringing them to the surface. As Kevin slept, I thought about these abandonment issues and why things bother me so much here. The answer I came up with might just be the fact that I am afraid I am going to lose Kevin while Im here. If something were to happen to him I would be completely alone and I think this scares me the most.
Monday June 28th, 2010
Giving the news to Charlie
8 am at the casa
We told Charlie what we found on Facebook and he was a little pissed as were we. If Andy would have only been honest the last 2 weeks would have been so much different. We could have relocated the commune structures to here and Charlie would have had a normal chance to adjust. Now, he feels as though he should just read the signs and move on from Cocal and Quepos. He and Kevin walked to the beach and he told Kevin something about the 15th. Besides the drama on Cocal, its not working out with the room he is renting in town. We told him, yet again he is welcome here. Although he and Kevin plan on moving everything to our property this week, Kevin thinks Charlie will be gone on the 15th.
We discussed it and if the guy who is living in Costa Rica is willing to come stay here, cool. If not I said maybe we should leave at the end of the month. We know financially this wont help us and know we need to stay to recoup the monies we lost in order to have a normal life at home.
Ricky came by and is replanting plantain trees. He told us we have to wait till after the full moon to do so and today was the day. So, on his way out the door to Ricky’s he said when he returned he would call Jamie, the guy in Costa and talk with him to see where it leads. Im keeping my fingers crossed because if we leave early Kevin feels like we will have been defeated and he doesn’t want that. We know we can make it here but just need a little help. As I have said before, only time will tell.
Grounding
1:30 in the casa
I called Gypsy today and she just called me back. I just needed someone here to talk to. Gypsy was a priest who is now living as a woman. The only reason I say this is because her past makes her a good listener and confidant. I debriefed her on my feeling and told her I just needed someone to talk with sometimes. In her usual fashion, she was kind and supportive of whatever we wanted to do. She said it was just plain OK to have the feelings I have and yet again, assured me that leaving the house to go to town was OK and it would be safe. She also believed as I that no one would break into the house and Pixie was safe. If only Kevin would believe that whole heartedly, my anxiety could be quelled. She told me anytime I got the nerve to walk to town alone she would meet me for lunch or whatever. Also that if I ever needed an ear she was there. Plus, if we ever wanted to explore Costa Rica she would be more than happy to watch the house and/or Pixie. She, like I, believes the key to my happiness here is getting out and seeing things, even if it is just Quepos. Talking with her made me feel better because she understands the isolation of Cocal. I guess I just need to grow some balls and walk to town alone sometimes. Im not sure what Im afraid of, but I know I must get over it. Maybe this week I will go to town alone, for no other reason than to get out of the house. I didn’t come here to do things alone, but if it keeps me sane, so be it.
Ricky and Kevin have been doing some grounding of their own. Planting, replanting and taking out the wrong trees from the yard. I guess we all need a little grounding of some sort every now and then.
Tuesday June 29th, 2010
Take me to the river
All day on the beach
Last night, after talking with Ricky, I question whether or not having guests here, to camp or rent out the house weekly, is the right thing to do here. I also spoke to our neighbor, Francisco, who asked if Charlie was part of our family. After thinking about these conversations, I really realized that the people here cant wrap their head around the idea of people who are not friends or family being on your property. Here all members of each family build on the land and commune together. In my thoughts, I realized that maybe bringing a lot of unknown people to Cocal just might not be the right thing to do. The culture being what t is here, doing so may cause problems and we came here to live among the locals….not disrupt their way of living. Friends coming to visit is one thing, but people coming every week or so may change the way the people here look at us. Right now, the don’t look at us as any different than them. We think they think that we are being paid to be on the land so no one squats it just as our neighbor Jimmy and his family are. The locals think Ben had money, so this would make sense and explain how we are building relationships that Ben and Lori couldn’t.
So, at around 10 Kevin and Charlie said they were going to walk the beach to the river. I asked if I could go, never having been there. We took off down the beach on what was to be a 45 minute walk to the river. We stopped along the way, sat in the shade and had some pepas. They are baby coconuts that you open and drink the milk. Andy told us that way back when they would inject dying people with pepa milk because it was full of life sustaining nutrients. A lot of pepas are consumed here by the locals, you see the cracked open husks everywhere. After our pepa injection, off we went to the river. We cut off the beach to where you could see the river and it was a beautifully natural spot. The guys found a tree snake sitting in a palm frond and took pictures. By this time my broke down ankles had had it and when we got back to the beach I started heading the way of home. Oh no…they guys had to go all the way to the river mouth. I really starting to get sore and tired and knew I had the long walk home still to endure. For me, I could have done without the extra trek to the rivers mouth, but whatever.
On the way home I was so sore it was all I could do to keep upright and not fall to the ground and cry. After a while, Charlie took off ahead of us and Kevin stayed with me. His legs were also getting sore. On the walk there is the biggest piece of driftwood I had ever seen. It was beautiful. The guys got some pictures of it on the way out and after stopping for our pepa fix, Kevin and I saw Charlie there taking pictures of something else. It was a giant green sea turtle. If she want listless you would think she was still alive. No damage o her whatsoever. She was beautiful, but it made me sad to see her lifeless. As we were looking at her the sea was taking her back and we walked on.
What seemed like days later, we finally arrived home. FUCK! It was now after 3pm. We had been walking the beach for 5 hours! The soft sanded inclined beach….I was sure glad to be home. My feet were begging for something like a fast food joint so I wouldn’t have to stand on the concrete floor to cook dinner, but so be it. I make a rum drink and sat down for a while. Later, I made dinner and watched the start of the Nip/Tuck dvd’s Lori had left while Kevin played some video games. After 3 episodes, I fell off to sleep.
Take me to the river
All day on the beach
Last night, after talking with Ricky, I question whether or not having guests here, to camp or rent out the house weekly, is the right thing to do here. I also spoke to our neighbor, Francisco, who asked if Charlie was part of our family. After thinking about these conversations, I really realized that the people here cant wrap their head around the idea of people who are not friends or family being on your property. Here all members of each family build on the land and commune together. In my thoughts, I realized that maybe bringing a lot of unknown people to Cocal just might not be the right thing to do. The culture being what t is here, doing so may cause problems and we came here to live among the locals….not disrupt their way of living. Friends coming to visit is one thing, but people coming every week or so may change the way the people here look at us. Right now, the don’t look at us as any different than them. We think they think that we are being paid to be on the land so no one squats it just as our neighbor Jimmy and his family are. The locals think Ben had money, so this would make sense and explain how we are building relationships that Ben and Lori couldn’t.
So, at around 10 Kevin and Charlie said they were going to walk the beach to the river. I asked if I could go, never having been there. We took off down the beach on what was to be a 45 minute walk to the river. We stopped along the way, sat in the shade and had some pepas. They are baby coconuts that you open and drink the milk. Andy told us that way back when they would inject dying people with pepa milk because it was full of life sustaining nutrients. A lot of pepas are consumed here by the locals, you see the cracked open husks everywhere. After our pepa injection, off we went to the river. We cut off the beach to where you could see the river and it was a beautifully natural spot. The guys found a tree snake sitting in a palm frond and took pictures. By this time my broke down ankles had had it and when we got back to the beach I started heading the way of home. Oh no…they guys had to go all the way to the river mouth. I really starting to get sore and tired and knew I had the long walk home still to endure. For me, I could have done without the extra trek to the rivers mouth, but whatever.
On the way home I was so sore it was all I could do to keep upright and not fall to the ground and cry. After a while, Charlie took off ahead of us and Kevin stayed with me. His legs were also getting sore. On the walk there is the biggest piece of driftwood I had ever seen. It was beautiful. The guys got some pictures of it on the way out and after stopping for our pepa fix, Kevin and I saw Charlie there taking pictures of something else. It was a giant green sea turtle. If she want listless you would think she was still alive. No damage o her whatsoever. She was beautiful, but it made me sad to see her lifeless. As we were looking at her the sea was taking her back and we walked on.
What seemed like days later, we finally arrived home. FUCK! It was now after 3pm. We had been walking the beach for 5 hours! The soft sanded inclined beach….I was sure glad to be home. My feet were begging for something like a fast food joint so I wouldn’t have to stand on the concrete floor to cook dinner, but so be it. I make a rum drink and sat down for a while. Later, I made dinner and watched the start of the Nip/Tuck dvd’s Lori had left while Kevin played some video games. After 3 episodes, I fell off to sleep.
Wednesday June 30th, 2010
On the homefront
All day at the casa
Today I spent the day at home cooking. I needed to cook off the veggies from the market and some beans. I made a list of what we need from the Pali, maybe we will go to town tomorrow.
I got to talk to my girl Christine and my babies, Evan and Eva. We talked on Skype and its free! Its so nice to be able to touch base with home. Although it makes me miss home just a tiny bit more. I think Im holding up better, just trying to focus on what I have and not what I don’t. It makes all the difference in the world. Even still, Kevin’s conviction wanes. This morning he was frustrated with everything again. But luckily, today was the day he and Charlie went to take down the structures in the commune for us to build something nice here. Ricky was there to help them and after they finished and had lunch, headed off to the rice fields to hunt iguanas….yes, iguanas. Ticos eat them here.
So, with everyone gone again I get to sit and think. I try to make the conscious effort to see only the beauty here as I sit on the porch. The rains have just begun, it had been thundering since before the guys left. These are the hardest times, the alone times. But I find things to do like cook and write to distract me. The other day I even painted a sign, just a simple one, but at least there was a brush in my hand. I still want to figure out this drift wood furniture thing, too. Yesterday I saw so many cool pieces on the beach that it makes me want to be sure to do something with what I’ve collected so far.
Its been just about 2 months here, for us. I think of all we’ve been through in such a short time and its no wonder some days we want to throw in the towel. But we really do like it here and as the days pass we feel more and more contented. Sometimes it’s the mornings that are hard for us, I don’t know why. Hopefully all the anxiety will pass and we can enjoy our time here more and more. Im confident we will. After all, we’ve only got 10 months to go. If I can stay positive, I think it will help Kevin, too….and that’s a good thing.
Today may be the last we see of Charlie. With the structure gone there is nowhere for him to stay unless he opts for the cabina. He wrote on our white board some Spanish verbs and phrases to learn that would help us the most here, which was real cool. His girlfriend is flying in on the 12th and he wants to go white water rafting for a few days before he heads to San Jose to meet her. He said something about maybe coming back, but you already know how that goes…lol.
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