MONDAY JULY 19, 2010
5pm
Getting it done
This morning we took Pixie to get her teeth cleaned and get her exit papers to go home. All went well except we forgot to grab her entrance papers. I realized this when we got off the water taxi. The vet had said he needed them, so Kevin ran back to get them. While Pixie was getting her teeth done I waited for Gypsy, went to the bank, paid all the bills and went to Super Mas to pick up groceries. Kevin returned with the papers just as the vet was coming out to get us. After picking up a groggy, passed out Poo, we went to pay Pixies tax, had lunch, and picked up 3 bootleg dvd's.
We walked home up the beach and made it home just before 5pm. WHEW! One hurdle down. Everything else should be a breeze. Kevin still has his worries and I worry a little because I still have to make arrangements for our stay in Quepos and our rides to and from the airports. I already emailed Costa Rica Shuttle for our ride to San Jose airport. Tomorrow I will call and reserve a room at the Best Western and get online to reserve a van from Orlando to Jacksonville. This way we can stop in St Augustine Beach and drop a surf board, if Kevin wants. Besides, the ride from St. Augustine to Orlando was $165. We figured it would be a lot more to his Mom's in North Jacksonville, and a car would be cheaper.
So, the plans are set in motion and the count down is on. Gypsy pledged to help, gotta love her.
For me, though, I wish I could find someone to take over the lease. I could always use the money and just leaving the casa makes me feel guilty. Gypsy seems to have no qualms either way, and being so close to Ben and Lori, Im guessing they would feel the same way. I just dont know. I hope we can find someone but, I have to take care of me and my own...thats whats most important.
By the way, all day long Gypsy had to keep reminding me to breathe...I guess I still haven't learned and we laughed at how hard it is sometimes to do just that...breathe.
TUESDAY JULY 20, 2010
2pm
Holy Shit!
Wow, I just looked at the calender and there are only 9 days left in the casa. Today I made our Costa Rica end plans. Reserved the shuttle and the hotel room. Our last day in Costa Rica will be spent in downtown Quepos, it should be fun.
The only thing I didn't arrange was the rental in Florida. Budget had the biggest vehicle, being a Ford Explorer. Not quite big enough for the surf boards. So Kevin said he would call Rich tonight to see if he could arrange a ride...at least to St Augustine Beach. If not, I will call and reserve the Explorer.
Oh yeah - today my computer screen completely died...an all black screen. So, for real, NO COMPUTER LEFT! It pisses me off because I could have looked around online for a rental and try to get our Boost phone turned on for when we got home. Fucker!
Today we did some yard work. We raked and burned leaves for Jimmy. The leaves form the trees we took down for him. We thought we should do it because, after all, Jimmy always says, 'dont bother your neighbor'. Im assuming he means with your bullshit. So, the trees were our bullshit they made more work for us all, We figured we would finish the job for him before we left.
5pm
Just By Chance
Just for the hell of it, I texted a kid form North Carolina, who had said he wanted to take over the lease, to see if he was still interested. He told me his flight into San Jose wasn't until the 28th. I was suprised, and after multiple texts, I was able to convince him to send me a deposit of $100-$200, an to call me tomorrow. Kevin was irritated by all the texting but, I was glad I did it. So, tomorrow Brian Garlock is suppose to call and set up his sending a small deposit via Western Union. Hell Yeah! Kevinwas skeptical, as always, but, it made me feel a bit better.
Ricky is in need of money. So, we are collecting things we won't be taking with us for him to sell. We told him he could keep some of the money for selling the things for us. He came back a little while ago. Nothing sold but, he was hopeful. I know we both need the money, so, I hope Ricky can do his thing. He needs money to rent a chainsaw to sell wood and get wood to finish his house. Like I said, I hope Ricky can do his thing.
WEDNESDAY JULY 21, 2010
10am at La Playa
Croc Alert!
This morning i called Cyndi for some help... mostly support and someone to talk to that turned into help. She called around for a shuttle service to pick us up at the Orlando airport. She called back with her recommendation, which I took. I called and made arrangements for a ride to St Augustine Beach because Chris and Cyndi offered us to stay a the night. So, I called and got it taken care of. YAY!
Earlier, while Cyndi was calling shuttle services, Kevin went surfing. I had gone to the beach to watch, to pass time till Cyndi called back. Kevin had only caught a few waves, then he was coming in. This surprised me. I noticed a hurriedness in his demeanor and knew he saw something scary. Sure enough he saw an 8' saltwater croc not far from him. Needless to say, he will not be returning to the ocean for the rest of our stay. He even took the wax off his board. I guess if I saw that thing floating next to me I'd feel the same way.
3pm
Whatever-Nada en Absoluto
While talking out some of Kevin's anxiety, after the electricity went off for 5 minutes...just as he went to watch the end of Wolfman, we saw Alexander, our neighbor. He has a friend who paints and sells his art on the street in downtown Quepos. He chatted plants with Kevin, then Ricky came by. Kevin walked to Alexanders to get coconuts Alexander wanted me to have while Ricky and I sat on the porch trying to say 'whatever' in Spanish. It turns out it translates to 'nada en absoluto'. Ricky and Alexander don't get along. Something about a seniorita who would watch Rikcys kids. After Kevin returned with the coconuts, so did Alexander. I told Ricky I was going inside because I felt that Alexander might have a crush on me. While inside, Kevin came in and grabbed a bag and disappeared. Ricky was waiting but, I think he went next door. All I can say is Nada en Absoluto!
OH - and I have yet to hear from Brian the one from North Carolina who wanted to rent the casa. He said he would call today but, who knows. He told me he quit his job and was selling his car tomorrow. He sounds serious enough but, it would be nice to get a deposit to put my mind at ease. I at least hope to hear from him by the weekend. ::fingers crossed:: Anyway, Im thinking Kevin went back to Alexanders to get some fruit because I had given him my drawing board to give to his artist friend.
While we were talking earlier, Kevin expressed how he was not thrilled with going back to Jacksonville. (neither was I) But, it seemed we had no choice. With the computer fried there was no way for me to check on apartments or use Skype. He even talked of camping in Chris and Cyndi's yard till we found a place. What he really wants is a car. If we just had a place to stay in St Augustine Beach till we found a place, everything would be easier. I did see a hotel in the island by the Bridge of Lions that had rates of $200-something a week but, we needed a computer to help facilitate finding a place. If I knew coming home would be so complicated, I probably would have passed on this Costa Rican adventure - not to mention all the bullshit we have dealt with while here...OH YEAH, nada in absoluto! LOL, and I was right, Kevin just came back with bags full of noni and lime from Alexander.
6:15pm
Thinking Back...
This morning Kevin had called Chris and Chris had told him that Ben and Lori were just in St. Augustine Beach. He said that they had pissed everyone off and they had just wrote off the property here. They aren't returning, just as we suspected. People just inherently suck!
I read over our 'lease' and we got a laugh at some of the 'rules'. What did they really care if they weren't coming back? Plus, no wonder we were so paranoid when they left. It was their 'scare tactics' in order to try to control us, as Kevin said. FUCKERS!
THURSDAY JULY 22, 2010
9am
Wondering
Kevin had bad feelings all night about leaving the animals. I guess because the Brian person never called like he said. I told him we would probably hear from him by the weekend, I hope I'm right...
After thinking about it, it has cost me a lot more than one would suspect in being here. Maybe if I could get the $900 back I'd be closer to even, less my computer. If that hadn't died, we might have been able to make it here for another 3 months. Especially, since the locals here have now befriended us. Yesterday, Kevin was out talking with Domingo and Ricky. Domingo said that Ben was bad and Kevin was good. Then, proceeded to mock Ben by pretending to leave his property and wave, say hi, then run off. If Ben and Lori would have befriended these people they could have learned a lot. Including. how to farm and feed their family. Then they would still be here and not lost all they put into this place. Dumbasses. Fuckers. Mother fuckers. If they would have just did the right things my computer would still be OK and maybe we would have stayed another 3 months...who knows.
11am
Bored and Lil Lonely
This morning I did laundry and Kevin took off to get over his negative feelings.(thank god) After laundry I sort of repacked some of my things trying to figure out how best to get it all home. I am already leaving things behind and don't want to lose more. Plus, I'm trying to figure out how to keep the bags under 50 lbs. each. I put that on hold to look at it again in a few days. This time next Friday we will be leaving the casa. One week left. Im sitting here wondering where Kevin is and fighting off feelings of boredom and loneliness. Its better he took off, its good for his spirits and avoids fights. I just wish my damn computer screen wasn't black, it would give me something to do. I have been piddling around enough to kill another half hour or so...it's now 11:35. Time to go swing in the hammock and try to read.
4pm
Moving Right Along
Ok, so, Mike the baker sent out a couple to look at the casa. A British/German girl and a Tico guy. Jinny and Coco. Total animal lovers and lovers of the casa. It was a little confusing at first because Mike told them he owned the property, it was rent free and you just had to run the camp. I clarified that it was $100 per month and no surf camp. They both loved it here and wanted it but, I told them about the North Carolina guy. With all that we had been through, giving up everything for nothing, I felt I needed to at least call him, and I would be in touch as soon as I talked to him. So, I called him and he blew me off, saying he had family problems. Well, this didn't sit well with Kevin. So, I told him fuck the kid and to call Jinny and Coco because he talks better with people than I do. He said he would and that probably as soon as he hung up the kid from North Carolina would call. So, he talked with Ginny and they can pay 6 months up front. They would be by at 10 am tomorrow. They were suppose to move into a place on Saturday in town for a week. So, Kevin told them they were more than welcome, and we actually wanted them to stay the last week with us.
Well, Kevin laid the phone down and no sooner than it hit the table, it started to ring. LOL, it was the kid form North Carolina. AS it turns out, he lied and doesn't even have a plane ticket, yet. Kevin bullshitted around with him and then finally hung up. After that he called his Mom and is now talking with her. It seems like everything is working out the way it should, just like life does. We will introduce Jinny and Coco to Gypsy so they have a 'go to' person. Hopefully they will come stay sooner than later so we can introduce them to everyone we have come to know. This, plus Coco being Tico, will help them immensely. Boy would Ben and Lori shit if they knew a Tico was living in their house. Who knows when they will be asked about Ben, hopefully they won't. Kevin loves the fact that Coco is Tico because they can live here forever, if they want and they seem like good people. Good things do happen to good people...Im hoping that good comes back to me when I need it...like when we get home.
7pm
Phone Calls
Kevin had his music on and I was reading. Kevin heard the phone, not me. I heard him talking then he came into the bedroom. I asked who called and he said Chris and Cyndi. She said Rich is now driving trucks and will be home next Saturday and can pick us up at the airport. He looked at the phone and there was another call with a message from St. Augustine. He tried to access the message but of course Ben and Lori never told us how to check them. So, he took a chance and called it back. It was Rich! Yeah!
He is going to pick us up next weekend. I'm going to be glad to see him and Chrissy when we land. What an awesome day full of great surprises.
FRIDAY JULY 23, 2010
11:15
I Just Wanna Go Home
This morning started with a huge fight between Kevin and I. I tried to remain calm but, knew I couldn't take much more of this with him. I called Cyndi to thank her for the call and the hook up with Rich.
The couple form yesterday was suppose to be by at 10am. At 10:10 we received a text saying that Mike the baker insists he owns the property and that they would pass because they didn't know who to believe. Kevin called Jinny back immediately and told them we have a lease to prove that Mike didn't own the property. He told them to come to the house and we would show them as proof. Then he called Mike and asked him what the fuck he was doing and that he was on his way to the bakery. He hung up the phone and I was crying. He told me he was my friend and that everything between us was going to be ok. Then, took off for the bakery. It's been and hour and the couple hasn't showed. Kevin took the phone so don't know whats going on. After a bout with pure hysteria, I was finally able to sit and write this. All I could tell Kevin was that I just wanted to go home...and I do. What happens between us after that, I cannot be sure. Everyone here has been a lair!
Kevin has just walked up with Jinny and Coco...
5:15
19th Nervous Breakdown
Jinny and Coco left at about 3:30. We talked everything out. To prove Mike was a liar, we showed them our lease and rent receipt. We explained that we were going to tell them of the whole sublet situation today. Needless to say, the conversation went deeper. Into explanations about Ben and Loris situation, what kind of people they were and that they probably weren't coming back. We did tell them about them leaving stuff here and there being an outside chance they may send someone to get some things but, we knew they couldn't afford it. Basically they didn't have anything to worry about at all. We also told them that Gypsy was like their representative here and she was fine with our plans.
Kevin even explained to them about squatters rights and how Coco being Tico, he can, in time, claim the property. We explained that there was no real paperwork on the property nor were Ben and Lori goign to show up every 3 months, as required by law.
After hours of talking, they told us before they left, they definitely wanted the place. Since they had to be out of their apartment tomorrow, they were coming to stay with us till we left.
Iam glad, but if I have another day like today, I swear Im going to have a nervous breakdown. Between Kevin flipping out and Mikes lies, I can't take anymore. Maybe Kevin sensed the bullshit coming and that was part of his anger. I seriously hope he doesn't take me on another emotional ride anytime soon. I know there will be stresses at home till we have a place and a car. Im just praying I don't have to deal with anymore of his outbursts of anger and throwing things around the house. I just don't need it. I need peace. Time will tell, as I keep saying, and if it happens again, it will surely tear us apart for good.
The anxiety and stress of the day has left me tired, anxious and drained. Last night I didn't sleep long, maybe 4 hours total. Hopefully, tonight will be different. I need the rest. My neck and back hurt and I ma feeling dazed. Tonight I also pray for sleep, to take this day away. I also realized, I should have started this journal sooner...
SATURDAY JULY 24, 2010
7am
I woke from a drug induced sleep. Bad dreams, nothing, just pure sleep. I am feeling better today. There is still a bit of lingering anxiety, probably because yesterday was such a nightmare.
What yesterday did teach me is that my friends in St Augustine really mean a lot to me. So much over the last months has taught me to appreciate things, so many things. Especially, my truest friends. 5 days left in the casa and 7 till we see those beloved friends. Honeslty, there is no place like home.
Last night Ricky came by. Today he is going to the mountains to hunt pig. Today is little Rickys 6th birthday. We told Ricky we would buy a cake and come by tonight. Soon we will be going to town for one of our last trips...
Yesterday Tavo followed Jinny and Coco to town when they left. He didn't come home as he normally would.Im hoping he is ok and stayed with them for the night.
2pm
Distractions are Bueno
This morning we went to town on Kevin's emotional roller coaster. Finally, on our way home he admitted he wasn't mad at me, or anything, actually. He was just sick of this place and ready to be home. We both agreed how thankful we will be when we see Rich and Chrissy's faces at the airport.
When we arrived home we got a text from Jinny that Tavo spent the night with them and just left. She said they were packing and would call when they were on their way. We were talking on the porch when Rickys kids showed up with peepas in hand, asking if I would open them. They each indulged in 2 peepas and played in the hammocks. Then, Kevin started playing dominoes with Maria while Ricky, Justin and their friend Carlita played in a huge wash bucket full of rainwater. Maria was worried about her Papi, he's been gone since 4am hunting pigs in the mountains. We both know that Ricky won't be home till he catches something. Kevin wound up taking the kids to the beach to play on the boogie boards and they had a blast.
Distractions are good for people of every age. We sure are glad that Jinny and Coco will be here with us for our last 5 days, What a great distraction for us both. Oh, and they just showed up!
SUNDAY JULY 25, 2010
9AM
Counting Down
Last night Kevin, Jinny and I went to Rikcy's to help celebrate little Ricky's birthday. Coco had to work so he couldn't go. Afterwords, Ricky came down to smoke some Cocal homegrown and talk. Yesterday he woke at 4am to go hun for a pig but, came back with chickens instead. We all chatted and had a great time.
Kevin and I went to bed at 10pm Kevin fell immediately to sleep. I heard Coco come home and waited for them to turn off the lights and the rain to slow. Then, I got up and went out to be sure Coco flipped the water switches and he did, that was cool.
I spent the rest of the night tossing and turning with little sleep. I heard Kevin wake, then at 5:45am, our casa building neighbor started his chainsaw. It didn't last but a few minutes but, I was miserable. Kevin heard me get up and asked what was wrong. I just started to cry. I curled up next to him and he fell asleep with his arms around me. It was so comforting and what I've needed so much more of over the past 6 years but, rarely, if ever, got. I in turn wrapped my arms around Pixie. This is the way it should be each time I go to sleep and wake, but never is. I rested but, didn't sleep. After about an hour we all got up. I made breakfast and we talked.
It's now 10am and Jinny and Coco are still asleep. I don't know what it is, maybe the lack of sleep but, I keep having overwhelming feelings of anxiety and sadness. I just can't fucking wait to be home...away from this draining place and all of it's neediness. From the kids and animals, you give them a little and they keep coming back for more. Always on the make, always on the take, just like Ben and Lori. I guess the day with the kids yesterday drained me, yet again, after the day of drama from Mike. Kevin said it best today. Going home is going to be like the vacation we thought we were on during the past 6 months.
4 days left in the casa....
5 days left in the country...
Not counting today, thank you very much.
7pm
A Good Day of Distractions
Well, I'm laying down trying to unwind. It was a good day of distractions. Ricky came by to fish with Kevin but the seas were too rough, even though Kevin took the line out with a surf board. They cooked the bait fish and faked me out. I thought they caught them but, later Kevin let me know that Ricky built a fire and cooked the bait. SUCKER!
I talked with Jinny most of the day and Coco has the might off. The day didn't c-r-a-w-l by but, then it didn't fly by either. We talked about having Rich and Chrissy stop by our favorite pizza place on the way home. We are soo bad! but, have every intention on staying away from junk food when we get home. We are also realizing how little we own. It's like a fresh start...a new beginning when we get home...
The countdown continues and tonight it's a full moon but, its too cloudy to see it. Damn rainy season!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
More ...
SUNDAY JULY 11, 2010
No Sleep 4U
6:45am
in bed...
A chainsaw started blaring at 6:45 this morning. I couldn't take it anymore. I got out of bed and Kevin was in the kitchen. He woke not long before me, when the hammering started...before the chainsaw. We were officially over it.
Kevin got to talk to his friend Chris, someone hes known since high school. Seems not much has changed since we left St. Augustine, except that Chris told us that the great oil spill is ruining tourism on the west coast, which was drawing people to St. Augustine. More people, more money. Im hoping this will make it easier for Kevin to find an income when we return...even thought he says he wont work when we get back.
It's now around 10:30. I did the laundry and started cutting Pixies hair. Im about half way done and gave her a bath. Now Im just waiting for her to dry so I can finish. Today is dragging by. It's days like this that make it unbearable here. After all there is only so much to cook and clean or leaves to rake and burn. Both of us are now anxious to get home...only 20 days left.
6:30pm
Electricity Issues
The lights keep dimming and we thought it was from the rain. Then, I reminded Kevin about the 2nd broken post that was holding up our electricity line. So, with machete in hand he went out to check on it. He came back and said that the line was lying on the wet ground. Good thing he went and checked it out. He went back with some rope to fix what he could. You see, this is the stuff that is wearing on us. We had just showered, wanted to smoke a little and watch a movie but.....no...
We talked about it over dinner, and came to the conclusion that it was just plain boring here, in our situation. Especially without someone here we can trust. It feels like we have become slaves to the casa and her grounds. No exploring Costa Rica or any of the other things we expected to do while here.
Now it looks like one of the thieves of Charlies stuff is moving onto the property next door. I can say this, that if the decision to leave hadn't been made yet, this would have been the deal breaker and we would want to leave for sure. He even said that he wished we could fly home this week. Just over 2 weeks left and we are going to try to make the best of it. Tomorrow I will ask Gypsy to come out for a night so we can go off and enjoy what little time we have left. Im keeping my fingers crossed.
MONDAY JULY 12, 2010
9:20am at the casa
Waiting...
Today I meet Gypsy at 1:30 to go to her doctor so I can try to conquer this anxiety I cannot shake. Kevin is, yet again, freaking out because of the new thief neighbor moving in. He is ranting that he wants to leave this week. Ben and Lori called at 6am but, I was asleep and Kevin was outside. So, the call was missed and even though we were able to get the voice mail password, we still couldn't retrieve any messages because we cant understand the Spanish speaking instructions...aarrrggghh!!!! Our calls to them are getting expensive and with no computer the cell phone is our only way to contact the outside world. We would need it to set up our plans of coming home. So, fuck it and fuck the Whitefields, we were going to run up their cell bill and wont be here to pay it. But we sure as hell weren't going to be making any calls to Ben and Lori. Oh, and Mike called, too this morning but, said he would have to call back. It seems as thought he got his ass beat up again last night but, he wants to take over our lease. Im hoping for the best on this one.
So, I sit here with wave after wave of anxiety rushing over me. Kevin wont walk me to town because he is afraid of the thief kid moving in next door. He gave in and said he would walk me to the water taxi and I was instructed to call him on my way home. Whatever...Walking the streets alone, on the other side of the harbor, where all the drug dealers and prostitutes live is more nerve wracking for me than walking Cocal. Again, his needless worries take priority over my needs. Like I said, whatever...
4:30
The Runaround
back at the casa
Ok, so, I met Gypsy. No problem. The walk to the doctors office want far and she was sweet and helpful. Now we had to walk back to town because the doctor was the opposite way from the harbor in Boca Vieja, I needed to get my prescriptions filled. When we got the the farmacia they filled the sleep and pain medication but not the anxiety pills, they didnt have them. Plus, the pharmacist let me know that I didn't need a prescription for the medicine I bought. The doctors office charged $20.00 each for the prescriptions she wrote. So, we headed to another farmacia to hunt down the anxiety medicine and nothing.
After a break for lunch and walking, we headed back to the doctors office to get a script for a different anxiety medicine and ask for my money back on the prescriptions she wrote that didnt need one. The doctor obliged me a refund and also gave me another prescription for the pain medicine she wrote earlier. She said the original prescription had so little codeine in it and thats why there was no Rx needed. Instead she gave me percoset, a stronger pain medication.
Back to town we went and I filled the lexotan script for anxiety but not the percoset...it alone was $120.00 and I just didn't have the money to spend. I planned on returning the pain medicine I bought earlier because I knew it wouldn't help and I needed the extra money. I have to wait a day because they couldn't process a credit to my debit card until then. So it looks like I will be walking back to town tomorrow.
I called Kevin to let him know I was on my way back but, got no answer. Gypsy and I said our good byes, I thanked her for her help and headed home. I found Kevin walking to find me, about 1/4 of the way up Cocal. He told me Mike has a Swiss couple who are interested in renting the casa for 6 months and giving us the $900.00 for the months we pre-paid for. They may be coming out tomorrow, I hope so.
Kevin really wants to leave and the extra money helps but, so does time to prepare...meaning getting something set up at home. This fucking computer thing is really stifling our ability to communicate with home. Thats all I need is CraigsList and Skype. So, I guess its back to the scamming, email hacking internet cafe for me! After already having an email hacked though one of the internet cafes, this makes me nervous. Plus, Kevin in his never ending frustration says he doesn't want to go to town. Im hoping he means mid-day and the heat it brings, like Gypsy and I did today. He doesn't like going to town late in the day. Early is good by me because we are 2 hours behind Florida and I can still make phone calls.
I finally got the lady from Stone Cove on the phone. She said she would email me an application but, there were no studios available and $700.00 per month for a small 1 bedroom seemed a little steep. So, I called Cyndi to see if I could enlist her help on finding anything...a weekly rental, sublet or just a good deal. I might ask Christine if she could help too. But, I still got to go to that damn internet cafe. Hopefully, tomorrow Kevin will make a morning run with me to do that. Plus, I wanted return that prescription.
TUESDAY JULY 13, 2010
8:30 am
WTF ?!?!
This morning we decided to go to town. On the walk there the rain stated and so did Kevin. He relentlessly pummeled me with cruel remarks, yet again. I did nothing to prompt this verbal assault. Then, after we got off the water taxi, he admitted that he was mad because of his hat! He didn't want it ruined because of the rain. This is the flat out bullshit I cannot handle...constantly being berated because of the stupidest of things, that I have nothing to do with.
While in town we met took care of my Rx and hit the internet cafe. After talking with some friends via email and Skype, I decided to place an ad on CraigsList to try to find someone to also met sublet the casa. We also met up with the Swiss couple Mike told us about and walked them back to the casa with us. We knew immediately that it was a no go, you could just see it in her face. Cocal isn't for the faint of heart.
Before falling asleep, I thought of all the barbs Kevin threw at me throughout the day. I just don't think we should stay together when we get home. But, I must keep it to myself. If I say anything about it I know it will start another huge fight. So, I keep my mouth shut and wait to see what happens.
WEDNESDAY JULY 14, 2010
6:30 am
Horrible Nightmares
This morning I woke up in a complete panic. I rarely dream or at least remember them. I was distraught because in my dream I thought my Mom died in a car accident but, as it turned out she was fine. Still, the minute I woke I wanted to do nothing but cry and just be home. I want a new life when I get home. 2 weeks left... Probably 2 weeks of hell, I have to look forward to, that will completely tear us apart. Kevin closes himself off and displaces his feelings of anger and frustration on me. All these things I have dealt with for 6 years... along with no affection. These are things I cannot deal with for much longer.
For now, I sit alone on the porch drinking coffee and hoping for a peaceful day. Only 2 weeks till Im home. If I think about it, Kevin has been the root of all my anxiety here. His mood swings, boredom, lack of wanting to work...all reasons why I believe I could have made it here with a different partner and why I don't want one, in him, when I return.
8:45am
Ricky Stops By...
We had given Ricky all the material from Andy's structure so that he could better his home. He came by to borrow tools and for Kevin's help...which I am glad for. Since he woke he has barley said 2 words to me. So, him having something to distract him was good. I can see the next 2 weeks are going to be hell.
After they left I got the computer working long enough to call my Mom on Skype. I had to because of the dream I had. I told her about life here and that we were coming home. As always, the good phone Mom she is, told me she understood and that she loves me.
10am
Rickys Kids
at the casa
I was out on the porch talking on the phone with someone who saw my ad to sublet the casa. It sounded promising but, you know how people are...
Then, there were Ricky's kids, on the other side if the fence, asking to come to the house. I figured since Kevin and Ricky were working on Rickys house, they sent them down and I let them play on the porch and use the bathroom. This is a big thing for them because they use an outhouse. The girls then decided they wanted their hair done and to wear my old sunglasses. Typical kid things, they just wanted to play.
When Ricky and Kevin came back, Ricky sent his kids home. Well, Kevin threw a fit because the kids were in the house. Yelling that I have no common sense while throwing things around the kitchen. LOVELY! I don't see what was so wrong, as the kids hurt nothing. I went to read and he came in to ask if I wanted to smoke something. So, I did. I went back to my reading and Kevin tried calling some of his friends in Jacksonville. Then, Maria and her friend came back because they had already broke one of the sunglasses I had given them. I think they expected me to give them another pair but, I told them there was nothing I could do. I gave them a glass of water and sent them on their way.
I knew this set Kevin off again. I sat down to hear that I have no common sense, we had nothing in common and that I was boring to him. I am trying so hard to keep the peace with him only to hear how he wants to kill me...
THURSDAY JULY 15, 2010
10am
Off To The National Park
After being told how boring I am, I called Gypsy to come stay with the poodle while we went off for the day. Today we are finally going to Manuel Antonio National Park. I know doing these things keeps the beast at bay and helps keep the peace between us.
We grabbed a taxi from downtown Quepos and rode to Manuel Antonio. We walked the trails and climbed the mountains. Yes, I climbed a mountain! to see the beautiful views. These were more of what you would expect of the views in Costa Rica. We found monkeys, iguanas and a sloth. We had a great time together and had to rely on each other to get up and down the mountain. When we were done at the park we stopped for lunch. We walked the park entrance road down to the beach and main road. While we ate we watched beginner surfers on their rented boards trying to figure out how to surf. This area was more of what we expected our place in Costa Rica to be like. Unfortunately, Cocal, and our expectations were the exact opposite. On the taxi ride back to Quepos, we had the driver stop at a roadside market so we could check it out. Then, got dropped off in downtown Quepos where we bought a dvd to watch tonight.
When we got back to the casa, all was well. Then, Gypsy mentioned something about exit papers for Pixie. Shit! We didn't even think about that but, she said she thought the vet in Quepos could do it for us, saving is the 3 hour bus ride to San Jose to get them. Let's hope so.
FRIDAY JULY 16, 2010
10am at the casa
Another Day
I am beginning to realize, for good or bad, Kevin and I need each other right now. Trying to rely on friends back home living with just as much stress was not the way to go. I understand his stress but, not his reactions. Like Laura said, maybe once we get home, hopefully, everything will settle down. Without a place to go when we get home, it looks like I am going to have to rely on Kevin and his friends to get through the transition...and thats OK. Let him, for once let him take control, maybe thats what we both need. But, believe me, there is still a big part of me that questions these sensibilities. As I keep telling myself...time will tell all.
2:27pm
Bored!
It has been raining off and on for the past 3 days. Today with nothing to do but listen to the new 'house' being built next door, the reality of, not only the isolation of this place but, much more the boredom set in. 2 weeks until we fly home and start yet another adventure...I hope we stay sane in the meantime.
I've said this place is like an alternate reality - everything you think it is, is actually a 180 from that. I feel out of balance...and when Kevin crack under the pressure of this place, its just not a healthy thing. Cyndi always says,'live with it and love it. live with it and hate it, or just leave it'. So, we are going to leave this place, together. Gypsy told me not to let this place tear us apart and it is probably too late for that but, for the next few weeks Im still going to try.
Oh, and its raining...again. I have come to realize I need more stimulation in my life. More importantly, I have come to realize the ultra-high level of stimulation Kevin needs to survive...like an adrenaline junkie. Im not like that. This place wouldn't be so boring if it could stimulate us. It has drained us instead of giving us life. Even the peaceful feelings have vanished. With all the new neighbors and construction the quiet has been shattered. Now it just feels like we are waiting...and thats worse. I've already begun 'mock packing' so I can figure out what I will be leaving behind. We lost one bag on the trip over so luggage is short. I might be checking a small duffel bag of clothes but, that's such a waste of money. This place is even taking from me on the way out the door. I think that's another thing I see here and don't like. The constant observation of of everyone on the take...even the kids. You give and they want more. It must be a global thing, I swore I was leaving that mentality behind in the states. See, there it is again...the 180 factor.
I have one book left to read. If I wanted to I could shut out the world for one day and read the whole thing. I have a few to take to the book store for credit so, I will do that this week. Hopefully, we go to town tomorrow. It will kill a few hours and give us a break from listening to the construction.
Did I ever mention how everything we brought here is being eaten up by mold? This makes the load home a little lighter, I guess.
SATURDAY JULY 17, 2010
Blah, Blah, Blah...
We went to town early today. I couldn't sleep and Kevin couldn't stay asleep. So, I got up early, did laundry and had my coffee. Then, off to town we went. It was a dreary walk, another day of clouds and rain. We did what we had to do after a stop for breakfast.
When we got home, Kevin went surfing and I made a quick call to Cyndi. She gave me a new perspective on my time here. Im just a fish out of water but, believe me, Im just glad Im dont feel like drowning under the American life stresses. After our talk, I headed to the beach to watch him surf, for lack of anything better to do.
We tried to plan our last days here in order to keep some of the relocating stresses at bay. There was a little hope in his eyes when hes said he has none when he asked me to help him get his GED so he could enlist in the Army...and he wants to marry me if he does so I get all the benefits. Ive heard this all before. Its just his way of saying what he thinks I want to hear. So, I just went along with it to try to keep the calm around for as long as I could before we leave.
SUNDAY JULY 18, 2010
12:30
Time Creeps By...
I woke at 7 this morning, earlier actually. I tried to sleep as long as I could so the day wouldn't seem so long. No such luck. The guy next door probably started hammering by 6am. I got up, did laundry, raked and burned leaves, made breakfast, made lunch, took a shower and bathed poodle all before noon. Really? Yes really.
At around 12:15 we hear people calling us. Its the Swiss couple from the bakery with a guy. They brought a friend out who was interested in renting the place. I showed him around...and that killed anther 10 minutes!
Time is crawling by. We are trying to watch 'Clash of the Titans', just to pass the time. At least tomorrow we take Pixie to the townnatn12:30 to see the vet. She is also getting her teeth cleaned, along with giving me her exit papers back to the U.S. That will kill time. As things done mid-day usually do. If I was one of those people who could easliy sleep or nap, I would be trying to sleep the days away.
No Sleep 4U
6:45am
in bed...
A chainsaw started blaring at 6:45 this morning. I couldn't take it anymore. I got out of bed and Kevin was in the kitchen. He woke not long before me, when the hammering started...before the chainsaw. We were officially over it.
Kevin got to talk to his friend Chris, someone hes known since high school. Seems not much has changed since we left St. Augustine, except that Chris told us that the great oil spill is ruining tourism on the west coast, which was drawing people to St. Augustine. More people, more money. Im hoping this will make it easier for Kevin to find an income when we return...even thought he says he wont work when we get back.
It's now around 10:30. I did the laundry and started cutting Pixies hair. Im about half way done and gave her a bath. Now Im just waiting for her to dry so I can finish. Today is dragging by. It's days like this that make it unbearable here. After all there is only so much to cook and clean or leaves to rake and burn. Both of us are now anxious to get home...only 20 days left.
6:30pm
Electricity Issues
The lights keep dimming and we thought it was from the rain. Then, I reminded Kevin about the 2nd broken post that was holding up our electricity line. So, with machete in hand he went out to check on it. He came back and said that the line was lying on the wet ground. Good thing he went and checked it out. He went back with some rope to fix what he could. You see, this is the stuff that is wearing on us. We had just showered, wanted to smoke a little and watch a movie but.....no...
We talked about it over dinner, and came to the conclusion that it was just plain boring here, in our situation. Especially without someone here we can trust. It feels like we have become slaves to the casa and her grounds. No exploring Costa Rica or any of the other things we expected to do while here.
Now it looks like one of the thieves of Charlies stuff is moving onto the property next door. I can say this, that if the decision to leave hadn't been made yet, this would have been the deal breaker and we would want to leave for sure. He even said that he wished we could fly home this week. Just over 2 weeks left and we are going to try to make the best of it. Tomorrow I will ask Gypsy to come out for a night so we can go off and enjoy what little time we have left. Im keeping my fingers crossed.
MONDAY JULY 12, 2010
9:20am at the casa
Waiting...
Today I meet Gypsy at 1:30 to go to her doctor so I can try to conquer this anxiety I cannot shake. Kevin is, yet again, freaking out because of the new thief neighbor moving in. He is ranting that he wants to leave this week. Ben and Lori called at 6am but, I was asleep and Kevin was outside. So, the call was missed and even though we were able to get the voice mail password, we still couldn't retrieve any messages because we cant understand the Spanish speaking instructions...aarrrggghh!!!! Our calls to them are getting expensive and with no computer the cell phone is our only way to contact the outside world. We would need it to set up our plans of coming home. So, fuck it and fuck the Whitefields, we were going to run up their cell bill and wont be here to pay it. But we sure as hell weren't going to be making any calls to Ben and Lori. Oh, and Mike called, too this morning but, said he would have to call back. It seems as thought he got his ass beat up again last night but, he wants to take over our lease. Im hoping for the best on this one.
So, I sit here with wave after wave of anxiety rushing over me. Kevin wont walk me to town because he is afraid of the thief kid moving in next door. He gave in and said he would walk me to the water taxi and I was instructed to call him on my way home. Whatever...Walking the streets alone, on the other side of the harbor, where all the drug dealers and prostitutes live is more nerve wracking for me than walking Cocal. Again, his needless worries take priority over my needs. Like I said, whatever...
4:30
The Runaround
back at the casa
Ok, so, I met Gypsy. No problem. The walk to the doctors office want far and she was sweet and helpful. Now we had to walk back to town because the doctor was the opposite way from the harbor in Boca Vieja, I needed to get my prescriptions filled. When we got the the farmacia they filled the sleep and pain medication but not the anxiety pills, they didnt have them. Plus, the pharmacist let me know that I didn't need a prescription for the medicine I bought. The doctors office charged $20.00 each for the prescriptions she wrote. So, we headed to another farmacia to hunt down the anxiety medicine and nothing.
After a break for lunch and walking, we headed back to the doctors office to get a script for a different anxiety medicine and ask for my money back on the prescriptions she wrote that didnt need one. The doctor obliged me a refund and also gave me another prescription for the pain medicine she wrote earlier. She said the original prescription had so little codeine in it and thats why there was no Rx needed. Instead she gave me percoset, a stronger pain medication.
Back to town we went and I filled the lexotan script for anxiety but not the percoset...it alone was $120.00 and I just didn't have the money to spend. I planned on returning the pain medicine I bought earlier because I knew it wouldn't help and I needed the extra money. I have to wait a day because they couldn't process a credit to my debit card until then. So it looks like I will be walking back to town tomorrow.
I called Kevin to let him know I was on my way back but, got no answer. Gypsy and I said our good byes, I thanked her for her help and headed home. I found Kevin walking to find me, about 1/4 of the way up Cocal. He told me Mike has a Swiss couple who are interested in renting the casa for 6 months and giving us the $900.00 for the months we pre-paid for. They may be coming out tomorrow, I hope so.
Kevin really wants to leave and the extra money helps but, so does time to prepare...meaning getting something set up at home. This fucking computer thing is really stifling our ability to communicate with home. Thats all I need is CraigsList and Skype. So, I guess its back to the scamming, email hacking internet cafe for me! After already having an email hacked though one of the internet cafes, this makes me nervous. Plus, Kevin in his never ending frustration says he doesn't want to go to town. Im hoping he means mid-day and the heat it brings, like Gypsy and I did today. He doesn't like going to town late in the day. Early is good by me because we are 2 hours behind Florida and I can still make phone calls.
I finally got the lady from Stone Cove on the phone. She said she would email me an application but, there were no studios available and $700.00 per month for a small 1 bedroom seemed a little steep. So, I called Cyndi to see if I could enlist her help on finding anything...a weekly rental, sublet or just a good deal. I might ask Christine if she could help too. But, I still got to go to that damn internet cafe. Hopefully, tomorrow Kevin will make a morning run with me to do that. Plus, I wanted return that prescription.
TUESDAY JULY 13, 2010
8:30 am
WTF ?!?!
This morning we decided to go to town. On the walk there the rain stated and so did Kevin. He relentlessly pummeled me with cruel remarks, yet again. I did nothing to prompt this verbal assault. Then, after we got off the water taxi, he admitted that he was mad because of his hat! He didn't want it ruined because of the rain. This is the flat out bullshit I cannot handle...constantly being berated because of the stupidest of things, that I have nothing to do with.
While in town we met took care of my Rx and hit the internet cafe. After talking with some friends via email and Skype, I decided to place an ad on CraigsList to try to find someone to also met sublet the casa. We also met up with the Swiss couple Mike told us about and walked them back to the casa with us. We knew immediately that it was a no go, you could just see it in her face. Cocal isn't for the faint of heart.
Before falling asleep, I thought of all the barbs Kevin threw at me throughout the day. I just don't think we should stay together when we get home. But, I must keep it to myself. If I say anything about it I know it will start another huge fight. So, I keep my mouth shut and wait to see what happens.
WEDNESDAY JULY 14, 2010
6:30 am
Horrible Nightmares
This morning I woke up in a complete panic. I rarely dream or at least remember them. I was distraught because in my dream I thought my Mom died in a car accident but, as it turned out she was fine. Still, the minute I woke I wanted to do nothing but cry and just be home. I want a new life when I get home. 2 weeks left... Probably 2 weeks of hell, I have to look forward to, that will completely tear us apart. Kevin closes himself off and displaces his feelings of anger and frustration on me. All these things I have dealt with for 6 years... along with no affection. These are things I cannot deal with for much longer.
For now, I sit alone on the porch drinking coffee and hoping for a peaceful day. Only 2 weeks till Im home. If I think about it, Kevin has been the root of all my anxiety here. His mood swings, boredom, lack of wanting to work...all reasons why I believe I could have made it here with a different partner and why I don't want one, in him, when I return.
8:45am
Ricky Stops By...
We had given Ricky all the material from Andy's structure so that he could better his home. He came by to borrow tools and for Kevin's help...which I am glad for. Since he woke he has barley said 2 words to me. So, him having something to distract him was good. I can see the next 2 weeks are going to be hell.
After they left I got the computer working long enough to call my Mom on Skype. I had to because of the dream I had. I told her about life here and that we were coming home. As always, the good phone Mom she is, told me she understood and that she loves me.
10am
Rickys Kids
at the casa
I was out on the porch talking on the phone with someone who saw my ad to sublet the casa. It sounded promising but, you know how people are...
Then, there were Ricky's kids, on the other side if the fence, asking to come to the house. I figured since Kevin and Ricky were working on Rickys house, they sent them down and I let them play on the porch and use the bathroom. This is a big thing for them because they use an outhouse. The girls then decided they wanted their hair done and to wear my old sunglasses. Typical kid things, they just wanted to play.
When Ricky and Kevin came back, Ricky sent his kids home. Well, Kevin threw a fit because the kids were in the house. Yelling that I have no common sense while throwing things around the kitchen. LOVELY! I don't see what was so wrong, as the kids hurt nothing. I went to read and he came in to ask if I wanted to smoke something. So, I did. I went back to my reading and Kevin tried calling some of his friends in Jacksonville. Then, Maria and her friend came back because they had already broke one of the sunglasses I had given them. I think they expected me to give them another pair but, I told them there was nothing I could do. I gave them a glass of water and sent them on their way.
I knew this set Kevin off again. I sat down to hear that I have no common sense, we had nothing in common and that I was boring to him. I am trying so hard to keep the peace with him only to hear how he wants to kill me...
THURSDAY JULY 15, 2010
10am
Off To The National Park
After being told how boring I am, I called Gypsy to come stay with the poodle while we went off for the day. Today we are finally going to Manuel Antonio National Park. I know doing these things keeps the beast at bay and helps keep the peace between us.
We grabbed a taxi from downtown Quepos and rode to Manuel Antonio. We walked the trails and climbed the mountains. Yes, I climbed a mountain! to see the beautiful views. These were more of what you would expect of the views in Costa Rica. We found monkeys, iguanas and a sloth. We had a great time together and had to rely on each other to get up and down the mountain. When we were done at the park we stopped for lunch. We walked the park entrance road down to the beach and main road. While we ate we watched beginner surfers on their rented boards trying to figure out how to surf. This area was more of what we expected our place in Costa Rica to be like. Unfortunately, Cocal, and our expectations were the exact opposite. On the taxi ride back to Quepos, we had the driver stop at a roadside market so we could check it out. Then, got dropped off in downtown Quepos where we bought a dvd to watch tonight.
When we got back to the casa, all was well. Then, Gypsy mentioned something about exit papers for Pixie. Shit! We didn't even think about that but, she said she thought the vet in Quepos could do it for us, saving is the 3 hour bus ride to San Jose to get them. Let's hope so.
FRIDAY JULY 16, 2010
10am at the casa
Another Day
I am beginning to realize, for good or bad, Kevin and I need each other right now. Trying to rely on friends back home living with just as much stress was not the way to go. I understand his stress but, not his reactions. Like Laura said, maybe once we get home, hopefully, everything will settle down. Without a place to go when we get home, it looks like I am going to have to rely on Kevin and his friends to get through the transition...and thats OK. Let him, for once let him take control, maybe thats what we both need. But, believe me, there is still a big part of me that questions these sensibilities. As I keep telling myself...time will tell all.
2:27pm
Bored!
It has been raining off and on for the past 3 days. Today with nothing to do but listen to the new 'house' being built next door, the reality of, not only the isolation of this place but, much more the boredom set in. 2 weeks until we fly home and start yet another adventure...I hope we stay sane in the meantime.
I've said this place is like an alternate reality - everything you think it is, is actually a 180 from that. I feel out of balance...and when Kevin crack under the pressure of this place, its just not a healthy thing. Cyndi always says,'live with it and love it. live with it and hate it, or just leave it'. So, we are going to leave this place, together. Gypsy told me not to let this place tear us apart and it is probably too late for that but, for the next few weeks Im still going to try.
Oh, and its raining...again. I have come to realize I need more stimulation in my life. More importantly, I have come to realize the ultra-high level of stimulation Kevin needs to survive...like an adrenaline junkie. Im not like that. This place wouldn't be so boring if it could stimulate us. It has drained us instead of giving us life. Even the peaceful feelings have vanished. With all the new neighbors and construction the quiet has been shattered. Now it just feels like we are waiting...and thats worse. I've already begun 'mock packing' so I can figure out what I will be leaving behind. We lost one bag on the trip over so luggage is short. I might be checking a small duffel bag of clothes but, that's such a waste of money. This place is even taking from me on the way out the door. I think that's another thing I see here and don't like. The constant observation of of everyone on the take...even the kids. You give and they want more. It must be a global thing, I swore I was leaving that mentality behind in the states. See, there it is again...the 180 factor.
I have one book left to read. If I wanted to I could shut out the world for one day and read the whole thing. I have a few to take to the book store for credit so, I will do that this week. Hopefully, we go to town tomorrow. It will kill a few hours and give us a break from listening to the construction.
Did I ever mention how everything we brought here is being eaten up by mold? This makes the load home a little lighter, I guess.
SATURDAY JULY 17, 2010
Blah, Blah, Blah...
We went to town early today. I couldn't sleep and Kevin couldn't stay asleep. So, I got up early, did laundry and had my coffee. Then, off to town we went. It was a dreary walk, another day of clouds and rain. We did what we had to do after a stop for breakfast.
When we got home, Kevin went surfing and I made a quick call to Cyndi. She gave me a new perspective on my time here. Im just a fish out of water but, believe me, Im just glad Im dont feel like drowning under the American life stresses. After our talk, I headed to the beach to watch him surf, for lack of anything better to do.
We tried to plan our last days here in order to keep some of the relocating stresses at bay. There was a little hope in his eyes when hes said he has none when he asked me to help him get his GED so he could enlist in the Army...and he wants to marry me if he does so I get all the benefits. Ive heard this all before. Its just his way of saying what he thinks I want to hear. So, I just went along with it to try to keep the calm around for as long as I could before we leave.
SUNDAY JULY 18, 2010
12:30
Time Creeps By...
I woke at 7 this morning, earlier actually. I tried to sleep as long as I could so the day wouldn't seem so long. No such luck. The guy next door probably started hammering by 6am. I got up, did laundry, raked and burned leaves, made breakfast, made lunch, took a shower and bathed poodle all before noon. Really? Yes really.
At around 12:15 we hear people calling us. Its the Swiss couple from the bakery with a guy. They brought a friend out who was interested in renting the place. I showed him around...and that killed anther 10 minutes!
Time is crawling by. We are trying to watch 'Clash of the Titans', just to pass the time. At least tomorrow we take Pixie to the townnatn12:30 to see the vet. She is also getting her teeth cleaned, along with giving me her exit papers back to the U.S. That will kill time. As things done mid-day usually do. If I was one of those people who could easliy sleep or nap, I would be trying to sleep the days away.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Here We Go!
THURSDAY JULY 8,2010
8:30 pm
Today was yet another roller coaster ride. At this point I cannot even remember what set it off this morning. Oh yeah, I answered a question too vaguely. Vague answers, for me avoid a confrontation but, not today. Even this was a problem.Instead of saying "hey come to the beach while I surf and take some pictures"...no, I instead I gwt wrath. I just cant take it. Now trying to not cause a problem, causes a problem.
I couldn't get into my Skype account because I couldn't remember the password. I knew this would piss him off so, I tried to avoid the subject-no deal. To try and make the best of it, I grabbed my camera and went to the beach. Shortly after, he came down with his surfboard, cursing me the whole way to the water. Still trying to make the best of it, I stayed and took surf pics.
Just as he caught his last wave, the camera battery went dead...good timing. We went back to the house and Ricardo was still there removing tree limbs from the yard. This was another issue because he showed up while we were on the beach earlier - before the drama du jour began. The plan was that we would clear the rest of the limbs sometime that day but, Ricardo was looking for drink money. We also wanted to go to town but, now with someone in the yard that was put on hold. Shortly after our return, luckily, he was done. Kevin gave him 700 colones and sent him on his way.
So, with Ricardo finished we went to town and had lunch. Then, stopped by the travel agent trying to find a cheaper to our visa run. You see, this morning my computer was melting down bad. I knew it would be unuseable soon. The trip to town was a good distraction, or so I thought. We went by the video store and picked up a couple more bootleg movies and stopped and had a few cocktails before we headed home.
When we arrived home, Domingo was suppose to get wood for fire from the yard. Yesterday he helped trim the tree and we told him he could take firewood. Earlier, on our way out the door to town, he stopped by to let us know he would be by after 3. This was fine with us but, as suspected, he waited till we got home. So, he and Kevin hauled the wood across the street while I fixed the broken extension cord.
During this time a girl called and asked if she and her husband could camp for the night. I let them know the good and the bad about staying and she said she would call back.
Once everyone was gone, the realization that the computer monitor died was realized. We needed to get online ti get the voice mail password Lori had sent us last week. With a black screen this was now impossible. There was a voice mail that seemed to be from the couple that called so, I just called them back. They wanted to stay but, wouldn't be to Quepos until after 9pm. I told them we dont go to town that late and needed to talk to Kevin. Seems her husband had a work thing and they were heading down after. Well, Kevin wasn't hearing that and I was told 'to fuck those people' and not to call them back. NICE.
I went outside and found Tavo wrapped around the table with his leash, unable to move. I was talking to the dog telling him how dumb he can be. Kevin, overhearing this, flips out saying that I was complaining about something again. Hello? If memory serves, the day was full of his bitching and complaints of how inadequate I am in his eyes. WTF? I was just talking about to the dog!!!!
Once again, I am at the end of my rope here. I cannot take his mood swings and how he blames me for everything. Im sick of losing money here because now I have no computer. If we stay I would have to buy a new one. Plus, this trip for the visa run and the changing of the plane tickets was going to cost me over $1000.00. Another 3 months of this bullshit, I don't know if this is what I want.
Then, needling me with questions, I finally told him we should leave at the end of the month.Pushing even harder, he got his words shoved back in his face - that once we left here we should probably separate. After all, it was easier for one person to find a place to stay with friends than 2...and he knew it.
After a few minutes of conversation I went into the bedroom to read, with Pixie curled up on my neck. I was full of nervous energy so I got up and hand write my journal. This lasted all of 5 minutes before Kevin was up trowing things around the house telling me to leave tonight. So, I took the phone and went on the porch to call Gypsy for a place to stay tomorrow. Well, he proceeded to lock me out of the house screaming for me to get the fuck out and to leave right now. He finally let me in because he wanted to talk. (I walked in to find everything the Whitfields left in 4 tote tubs strewn all over the house, for me to clean up!!!!!!!!) About what?!? About how tomorrow I was going to be without a computer and water. I simply told him that I am fine and most mornings I have lived without both - that it was his attitude that affected me negatively day after day. All he could say is that he was here to do things with me no matter what it was - fine, I've heard it all before. Nothing ever changes. For now, Im just tired, with a beer and 2 anxiety pills in me.
Oh, by the way, I have a date with Gypsy on Monday to go to her doctor to see about something that can even me out. The panic attacks Im having are the worst I've ever had. I already know that unless the person Im around is stable, nothing will ever truly help. I probably could live here easier, if that were the case...I had told him this earlier. Nothing anyone wants to hear but, the truth all the same. This girl needs real love, attention and affection. I just plain dont get this from him.
Tomorrow I will do my best, as always, to keep the peace but, the 90 day visa issue Im really going to have to think about.
FRIDAY JULY 9, 2010
THROWING IN THE TOWEL
all day at the casa
This morning we woke to no running water and the realization that the electricity to the house has no ground wire is what fried my computer. I just cant take it anymore. Although Kevin has an aversion to going back to St. Augustine Beach, there is no where else to go with people we can rely on. At least in St. Augustine Beach we have a few friends to help us get on our feet. Plus, knowing the lay of the land helps us find a place through CraigsList.
We went to town for something to do, just have some lunch. As always, the trip to town was a good change of pace and lets the stress subside some...but not my panic attacks. I cant wait till Monday to see the doctor because my nerves are a wreck. Am I that spoiled that I cannot take living here? Probably not. Its more the company I have and the clear picture of the future and knowing it wont get any better with Kevin...or the water. LOL Once he admitted he liked it here but couldn't handle the stress it brought him, I was somewhat relieved. As the day passed more anxiety subsided. Now the challenge was to find a place to stay in the states.
Around dinner time Ricky proceeded to cut down the tree they had just topped yesterday. So, after a few hours of listening to a chainsaw we finally had enough peas to sit on the porch and indulge in a few rum drinks. We talked about our stop at the bakery while we were in town. We offered Mike the house and explained that we would like to recoup some of the 9 months rent I will lose by leaving. He understood and although he didnt want to live on Cocal any longer, he wold do his best to find someone to sublet to. If not, we would have to ask Ricky to care for Tavo and Nalu.
Kevin also called Alvin today. He was in San Jose today until Monday and said he would help in any way he could. This was a good thing because we were going to have try to sell some of the things we came with, just to lighten our load. Yeah, we will be going home with less than we came with...and to me that's real sad because I have lost so much, on so many levels already this year......
SATURDAY JULY 1O, 2010
ON THE HUNT
11 am at the casa
Today Kevin went to the mountains with Ricky and Domingo to hunt. He woke at 4am and Im not sure when or what time they will be back. I spent a lot of time trying to get a hold of the people at Stone Cove apartments in St. Augustine Beach. They are running a move in special of $399.00 to move in. They have studio apartments that run about $500.00 a month, we had looked at them when we moved back from Anna Maria Island so, we know waht they look like, it was a start. Unfortunately, no one answered the phone there but, luckily Cyndi she would help if she could.
I sit here alone and wonder...it seems Kevin would be happy here outside of the daily stresses which, the littlest thing he blows up in to a catastrophe. I know there is stress everywhere but, when your feelings of isolation compound an already unstable mind in Kevin, it makes living a simple life unbearable. Not to mention our struggle to communicate. I wish he could be happy here and not have it drain what little resources I have. If I could get an apartment in Stone Cove I would be happy. I would be content with riding a bicycle around town. After all, I do nothing but walk everywhere here and a bicycle would be a welcome change. Im sure Kevin will want more than his motorcycle for transportation so we can leave the island and do things. But, after living this life, a bicycle and all that St. Augustine Beach has will be more than enough for me for a while...just so long as Kevin stops the way he acts and treats me.
12 NOON
The guys came back with a wild boar. Ricky skinned and quartered the beast and ate lunch. After we smoked a little then another problem arose. It seems that one of the posts Ben used to run his power line has been eaten through by ants. GREAT! Now, Kevin and Ricky are fixing yet another problem left by the Whitefields.
Which brings me to my latest realization...Since the neighbors took down our huge shade tree, the house is even hotter than ever. We just wanted it trimmed, which we did, not cut all the way down. Now Im sweltering in an already warm house in the middle of the Costa Rican winter. Does the bullshit here ever end?!?!
NOW IT RAINS
4pm
Im laying on the bed watching the rain and it hit me. It's almost like if there were less people around us (living with multiple families in small shacks right on our property line) it all could be tolerated a bit better.
Kevin now looks forward to A/C and computer games, since the decision to move home has been made. Me? I know a certain part of me will miss the solitude of living this simple life. After all I've been through here, I may have a hard time dealing with my closest friends mundane problems. But, at least at home there us someone to call, here there is no one. Plus, I have learned to live with less, and not being able to do that (for people like Kevin)makes all the problems in the world. People really dont need more, they need less. Casa de Rasta has been like a mirror image of what we expected. If you think its one way, or at least should be...the reality is a 180.
So, it seems my laptop has finally gone to sleep. It won't power up and Kevin is looking at it now. Shit, some computer was better than NO computer....fuck!
8:30 pm
Today was yet another roller coaster ride. At this point I cannot even remember what set it off this morning. Oh yeah, I answered a question too vaguely. Vague answers, for me avoid a confrontation but, not today. Even this was a problem.Instead of saying "hey come to the beach while I surf and take some pictures"...no, I instead I gwt wrath. I just cant take it. Now trying to not cause a problem, causes a problem.
I couldn't get into my Skype account because I couldn't remember the password. I knew this would piss him off so, I tried to avoid the subject-no deal. To try and make the best of it, I grabbed my camera and went to the beach. Shortly after, he came down with his surfboard, cursing me the whole way to the water. Still trying to make the best of it, I stayed and took surf pics.
Just as he caught his last wave, the camera battery went dead...good timing. We went back to the house and Ricardo was still there removing tree limbs from the yard. This was another issue because he showed up while we were on the beach earlier - before the drama du jour began. The plan was that we would clear the rest of the limbs sometime that day but, Ricardo was looking for drink money. We also wanted to go to town but, now with someone in the yard that was put on hold. Shortly after our return, luckily, he was done. Kevin gave him 700 colones and sent him on his way.
So, with Ricardo finished we went to town and had lunch. Then, stopped by the travel agent trying to find a cheaper to our visa run. You see, this morning my computer was melting down bad. I knew it would be unuseable soon. The trip to town was a good distraction, or so I thought. We went by the video store and picked up a couple more bootleg movies and stopped and had a few cocktails before we headed home.
When we arrived home, Domingo was suppose to get wood for fire from the yard. Yesterday he helped trim the tree and we told him he could take firewood. Earlier, on our way out the door to town, he stopped by to let us know he would be by after 3. This was fine with us but, as suspected, he waited till we got home. So, he and Kevin hauled the wood across the street while I fixed the broken extension cord.
During this time a girl called and asked if she and her husband could camp for the night. I let them know the good and the bad about staying and she said she would call back.
Once everyone was gone, the realization that the computer monitor died was realized. We needed to get online ti get the voice mail password Lori had sent us last week. With a black screen this was now impossible. There was a voice mail that seemed to be from the couple that called so, I just called them back. They wanted to stay but, wouldn't be to Quepos until after 9pm. I told them we dont go to town that late and needed to talk to Kevin. Seems her husband had a work thing and they were heading down after. Well, Kevin wasn't hearing that and I was told 'to fuck those people' and not to call them back. NICE.
I went outside and found Tavo wrapped around the table with his leash, unable to move. I was talking to the dog telling him how dumb he can be. Kevin, overhearing this, flips out saying that I was complaining about something again. Hello? If memory serves, the day was full of his bitching and complaints of how inadequate I am in his eyes. WTF? I was just talking about to the dog!!!!
Once again, I am at the end of my rope here. I cannot take his mood swings and how he blames me for everything. Im sick of losing money here because now I have no computer. If we stay I would have to buy a new one. Plus, this trip for the visa run and the changing of the plane tickets was going to cost me over $1000.00. Another 3 months of this bullshit, I don't know if this is what I want.
Then, needling me with questions, I finally told him we should leave at the end of the month.Pushing even harder, he got his words shoved back in his face - that once we left here we should probably separate. After all, it was easier for one person to find a place to stay with friends than 2...and he knew it.
After a few minutes of conversation I went into the bedroom to read, with Pixie curled up on my neck. I was full of nervous energy so I got up and hand write my journal. This lasted all of 5 minutes before Kevin was up trowing things around the house telling me to leave tonight. So, I took the phone and went on the porch to call Gypsy for a place to stay tomorrow. Well, he proceeded to lock me out of the house screaming for me to get the fuck out and to leave right now. He finally let me in because he wanted to talk. (I walked in to find everything the Whitfields left in 4 tote tubs strewn all over the house, for me to clean up!!!!!!!!) About what?!? About how tomorrow I was going to be without a computer and water. I simply told him that I am fine and most mornings I have lived without both - that it was his attitude that affected me negatively day after day. All he could say is that he was here to do things with me no matter what it was - fine, I've heard it all before. Nothing ever changes. For now, Im just tired, with a beer and 2 anxiety pills in me.
Oh, by the way, I have a date with Gypsy on Monday to go to her doctor to see about something that can even me out. The panic attacks Im having are the worst I've ever had. I already know that unless the person Im around is stable, nothing will ever truly help. I probably could live here easier, if that were the case...I had told him this earlier. Nothing anyone wants to hear but, the truth all the same. This girl needs real love, attention and affection. I just plain dont get this from him.
Tomorrow I will do my best, as always, to keep the peace but, the 90 day visa issue Im really going to have to think about.
FRIDAY JULY 9, 2010
THROWING IN THE TOWEL
all day at the casa
This morning we woke to no running water and the realization that the electricity to the house has no ground wire is what fried my computer. I just cant take it anymore. Although Kevin has an aversion to going back to St. Augustine Beach, there is no where else to go with people we can rely on. At least in St. Augustine Beach we have a few friends to help us get on our feet. Plus, knowing the lay of the land helps us find a place through CraigsList.
We went to town for something to do, just have some lunch. As always, the trip to town was a good change of pace and lets the stress subside some...but not my panic attacks. I cant wait till Monday to see the doctor because my nerves are a wreck. Am I that spoiled that I cannot take living here? Probably not. Its more the company I have and the clear picture of the future and knowing it wont get any better with Kevin...or the water. LOL Once he admitted he liked it here but couldn't handle the stress it brought him, I was somewhat relieved. As the day passed more anxiety subsided. Now the challenge was to find a place to stay in the states.
Around dinner time Ricky proceeded to cut down the tree they had just topped yesterday. So, after a few hours of listening to a chainsaw we finally had enough peas to sit on the porch and indulge in a few rum drinks. We talked about our stop at the bakery while we were in town. We offered Mike the house and explained that we would like to recoup some of the 9 months rent I will lose by leaving. He understood and although he didnt want to live on Cocal any longer, he wold do his best to find someone to sublet to. If not, we would have to ask Ricky to care for Tavo and Nalu.
Kevin also called Alvin today. He was in San Jose today until Monday and said he would help in any way he could. This was a good thing because we were going to have try to sell some of the things we came with, just to lighten our load. Yeah, we will be going home with less than we came with...and to me that's real sad because I have lost so much, on so many levels already this year......
SATURDAY JULY 1O, 2010
ON THE HUNT
11 am at the casa
Today Kevin went to the mountains with Ricky and Domingo to hunt. He woke at 4am and Im not sure when or what time they will be back. I spent a lot of time trying to get a hold of the people at Stone Cove apartments in St. Augustine Beach. They are running a move in special of $399.00 to move in. They have studio apartments that run about $500.00 a month, we had looked at them when we moved back from Anna Maria Island so, we know waht they look like, it was a start. Unfortunately, no one answered the phone there but, luckily Cyndi she would help if she could.
I sit here alone and wonder...it seems Kevin would be happy here outside of the daily stresses which, the littlest thing he blows up in to a catastrophe. I know there is stress everywhere but, when your feelings of isolation compound an already unstable mind in Kevin, it makes living a simple life unbearable. Not to mention our struggle to communicate. I wish he could be happy here and not have it drain what little resources I have. If I could get an apartment in Stone Cove I would be happy. I would be content with riding a bicycle around town. After all, I do nothing but walk everywhere here and a bicycle would be a welcome change. Im sure Kevin will want more than his motorcycle for transportation so we can leave the island and do things. But, after living this life, a bicycle and all that St. Augustine Beach has will be more than enough for me for a while...just so long as Kevin stops the way he acts and treats me.
12 NOON
The guys came back with a wild boar. Ricky skinned and quartered the beast and ate lunch. After we smoked a little then another problem arose. It seems that one of the posts Ben used to run his power line has been eaten through by ants. GREAT! Now, Kevin and Ricky are fixing yet another problem left by the Whitefields.
Which brings me to my latest realization...Since the neighbors took down our huge shade tree, the house is even hotter than ever. We just wanted it trimmed, which we did, not cut all the way down. Now Im sweltering in an already warm house in the middle of the Costa Rican winter. Does the bullshit here ever end?!?!
NOW IT RAINS
4pm
Im laying on the bed watching the rain and it hit me. It's almost like if there were less people around us (living with multiple families in small shacks right on our property line) it all could be tolerated a bit better.
Kevin now looks forward to A/C and computer games, since the decision to move home has been made. Me? I know a certain part of me will miss the solitude of living this simple life. After all I've been through here, I may have a hard time dealing with my closest friends mundane problems. But, at least at home there us someone to call, here there is no one. Plus, I have learned to live with less, and not being able to do that (for people like Kevin)makes all the problems in the world. People really dont need more, they need less. Casa de Rasta has been like a mirror image of what we expected. If you think its one way, or at least should be...the reality is a 180.
So, it seems my laptop has finally gone to sleep. It won't power up and Kevin is looking at it now. Shit, some computer was better than NO computer....fuck!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Coming Soon.....
I dont plan on writing about the past 6 months, but I do miss the cathartic experience of writing and letting things out. So, once the Costa Rica saga is through, you may find me writing about "Mi Vida Loca", here back home. My new life here has been overwhelming at times, for the simplicity that I loved about my Costa Rican adventure has been hard to hold on to. Ive tried to re adjust to the best of my abilities and feel as though I am finally settling down into a life less familiar. Ive learned who my real friends are and found someone I love completely. Having said that, the closest to me have watched the changes in me and my life, good and bad. Needless to say, the time has passed quickly and taken me on the proverbial roller coaster ride emotionally. As I sit here and write, I am finding a level of contentment but, you all must know that my Gypsy Heart still longs to wander...I find too many hours in some days, yet feel that my life is too short. So, the wanderlust remains.
Who knows where my Gypsy Heart will find me in another 6 months. Yet, Ive learned that you never know what will happen in a day and some days can bring the happiest of surprises more than it can bring me the sadness I have felt in the past.
Who knows where my Gypsy Heart will find me in another 6 months. Yet, Ive learned that you never know what will happen in a day and some days can bring the happiest of surprises more than it can bring me the sadness I have felt in the past.
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