The electricity, or lack of proper wiring, has taken my computer.
For now, I am writing my journal by hand until I can get my computer fixed or Kevin gets his...see you all soon...
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
this may be my last post for a while....my computer is breaking down
Thursday July 1st, 2010
Not much goin’ on…
All day at the casa
Today I just laid low. The computer had, yet another, melt down. Kevin spent most of the day trying to fix it without reformatting. I finished the book I was reading, Exit to Eden and had nothing to read. I read every article in the Rolling Stone I brought with me…really leaving nothing to read. I try to save any dvds for night time, before we go to bed. So, I found an old Cosmopolitan of Lori’s and started reading that. Luckily, Kevin got the computer running after devoting hours to fixing it. YAY!
We didn’t go to town today because Kevin has massive blisters from walking to the river. No big deal, tomorrow is another day. My ankle had still been bothering me so I could give it another day, myself.
Now that I have found Nip/Tuck, I continued watching the series…disc 3 season 2 done….Kevin played video games on the computer while I in my new tv show. He had watched most of this season on tv so he wasn’t as into the videos as I was. All good, just the same.
Friday July 2nd, 2010
2 months down
9:30 am downtown Quepos
Off to town we went…its been a week since we went. Charlie stuck around the property for us while we were gone. The cabina is a mosquito magnet and even after sleeping under a bug net, Charlie was still complaining of how the mosquitoes kept him up. With all the rain yesterday, the mosquitoes must be multiplying quick!
My first online purchase arrived and we found it in the post office box today. Yay…so we can get stuff here! This was some Rid-X for the outhouse. Nothing fun but something useful.
We stopped and had some breakfast at Kevins favorite spot. Black beans and rice, scrambled eggs, butterd bread and Tamarindo juice…not bad for about 3 dollars. Then off to the ever loved Pali to get our staples and other groceries. I was surprised that everything fit into the bags we brought.
It was after 10 so we headed to the bookstore. I picked up 2 Nora Roberts books to read, for now. Next time I go I return the books and 2 that I brought with me, for store credit. Gotta love a book exchange program. Next we headed to the American Video store. We wanted to pick up some more dvds…they sell bootleg dvds for 1 or 2 dollars. They also rent, but last time we went in, the girl didn’t speak English, so we just bought instead. Kevin says what the fuck its only a dollar or 2 just to have them…But when we got there they weren’t open yet. They didn’t open till noon. Bummer. Last time we were in there they had a copy of ‘Alice in Wonderland’ with Johnny Depp. The movie that was on in the plane on the flight over. Since Kevin didn’t watch it and I fell asleep we wanted to pick that one up…oh well. There’s still the rest of Nip/Tuck season 2 to watch…lol.
Talking
1pm in the casa kitchen
Kevin was frustrated again this morning. So, after an enjoyable walk to town, talked it out. I mostly listened. Which is a good thing sometimes. We did converse about our 90 day visa stamp and our trip to Panama. I think at the beginning of the week we are going to go to the travel agent in Quepos to set up our trip. I have no idea where to go, how to get there or where to stay. So, some professional help is in order. I called Gypsy and left her a message. We need her schedule so we can plan our trip. Gypsy will be the one staying in the house and watching Pixie so we can plan on anything till we know her availability. The conversation went well. Its always good when Kevin can get stuff off his chest. I just asked him to try and imagine what it is like for me, having to deal with his frustrations. He understood completely and we always try to make an effort to make a change for the better after these conversations. Some days its hard, some days its not….but we are only human after all.
After our talk, I made this cake thing I made for Kevin yesterday. Its base was pancake mix and oatmeal with bananas. It came out really good, especially warm with some syrup. While on our way home we saw Maria, Ricky’s oldest. She ran up and hugged me, as did her friend. Lori would bring the kids sweets and treats sometimes from in town but this is a habit I am trying not to get into. Kevin asked if I could make the kids one of those cakes so I promised Maria I would make one and bring it down and told her they needed to eat it while it was hot. I added some sweet coconut to theirs, along with some syrup on the top…right out of the oven…so it would soak in. It looked yummy and Kevin just headed over to bring it to them. I also sent over a Tupperware of mixed veggies. I made them with yucca and Kevin wasn’t thrilled with the favor of the yucca that way. I guess with the other piece of yucca, from Francisco, I will try the boil then fry method. You fry them like you do the plantains. Hopefully the fried version will taste better.
Since we didn’t get any movies, Im thinking Nip/Tuck video 4 season2 is in order.
Saturday July 3rd, 2010
To town
10:30 am downtown Quepos
Off to town we went as Charlie packed to leave. The trip in town was fun. We stopped and had lunch and beers, then went to the Pali. After, we stopped at the bookstore and I bought 2 Nora Roberts books. Then off to the Americana Video. There we bought bootlegs of ‘Sherlock Holmes’, ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and ‘Its Complicated’. Satisfied, we set off for home.
The lights go off
Dunno what time at the casa
Arrgh! I went to turn on the fan in the bedroom and there was no electricity. At first, I thought the fan was out of commission, but it was the power. I tried calling ICE, but no one speaks English. All I got from the conversations was ‘No, Quepos…No, Quepos.’ ‘Graicias’ was all I could say. After a while, Charlie called with the news that he was coming back for the night and that all of Queops was without electric and water.
So, we decided to cook dinner over a wood fire in our make-shift grill. As we were preparing, the lights came back on but we said ‘Fuck it’, we would build a fire and cook the chicken, anyway. The smoke from the fire keeps the mosquitoes away and we knew Charlie was coming back to have a couple beers. So, this way we could sit on the porch without getting eaten alive.
Ben had a table made from a big wood cable spool with a top on one end. This was the table I made the grill on. When I built the grill I constructed it so there was a catch pan for ashes and a rack to build the fire on. When Ricky
came over last week to cook lunch he re arranged it and built the fire right in the pan. I had a piece of tin over the wooden top thinking this would keep the wood from catching fire. I guess not when the fire is right on the tin and not elevated because Kevin noticed that there was smoke coming from under the tin. Well, the heat burned right through the center hole of the spool. I told Kevin that the fire had to have started when Ricky was cooking. He had that fire raging for a few hours, we only cooked one piece of chicken. I remembered the old configuration of the grill and knew it was Ricky’s re-build that caused the fire. We laughed because it was just pain funny and off we went to watch ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and Charlie went to crash in the cabina for one last night.
Sunday July 4th. 2010
Charlie leaves today
4:30 pm at the casa
After a long morning of ‘discussions’, Charlie left. The discussions started with my frustrations over not getting a call back from Gypsy about our visa run. I Knew I shouldn’t have said a word, but I did. The conversation escalated into Kevin declaring that we would just go home at the end of the month. Neither of us was ready to leave, and the while we discussed I chatted with Dee on MSN. Luckily, she was there to ‘talk’ to and a breakdown was avoided on my part.
After a few hours of discussions, Ricky came by with Francisco and smoked a Tico fatty with Kevin and I continued my chat with Nana.
Finally, he said that we promised each other we wouldn’t talk this bullshit anymore and that we promised each other we would stay a minimum of 6 months here, then re-evaluate then. So, that is what we are going to do. It just gets real hard when I or we feel like we cannot depend on anyone. It stirs the feelings of isolation and these are things we are trying to make a conscious effort to avoid. In the end we laughed and said that Gypsy would probably call tonite or in the morning. She did just that.. At 7:48pm the phone rang and it was her. She checked her schedule and as a professional house/pet sitter, luckily had nothing booked. So this week we are free to make our plans for our visa run. Something to look forward to and another hurdle cleared.
Charlie left this evening saying he would return with Kristin in about a month. For the first time, I actually believe these words. Charlie is going to backpack and camp around Costa with his girlfriend for a few weeks. Charlie made some good fiends here and had good times despite all he lost here. This is what makes me believe we will see him again. I just couldn’t help but think that this might actually be the first time Charlie left here without forgetting something…good for him.
Monday July 5th. 2010
Alone again…just the 2 of us
9:30 pm at the casa
When I saw Charlie bike onto the property, I laughed. I knew he couldn’t not forget something! The night the lights went out, he was waiting to get his bus ticket and had to wait for the electric to come on. Well, good ole Charlie lost his bus ticket. All I could say was that it is a good thing he was going to have Kristin to travel with him because he is always losing or forgetting something. With the ticket not here, now he would have to hope he could purchase another one. OY-VEY! The money its cost him just because he cant keep his head on straight….bus tickets, debit cards…yes, it’s a good thing Kristin is coming to travel with him for a while.
We headed out to the yard to take down the tearing tarps over one of the camping structures. It fills up with water when it rains and was tearing at the edges from the weight. Then, we took down the tore up electrical cord that was
running to the campsite. With the way we lose and gain power here we didn’t want a loose cord hanging. Plus, no one was coming to stay so, Kevin said fuck it. The public water doesn’t come on till after 9 most nights and stops before 5 most mornings. This is a real deal breaker for having a camp ground. How can you possibly tell someone they have to wait till between 9pm and 5am to shower…or that they are only allowed to take a 2 minute shower while we are on the tank?
Anyway, Ricky came by to take Kevin with him to get diesel. Ricky says that you spray it on the ground around the house and cabina. This will kill all the ants and mosquitoes but not harm the plants. Even though this is day 3 of Kevin having swollen glands and a poopie belly, he went along. He told me he just wanted to lay low today, but he felt up to it so off he went.
Tomorrow we will go to town to go to the travel agent and the farmacia. Here, at the pharmacy, they will dispense any drug over the counter, just not narcotics. Its my understanding that you explain to the pharmacist what ails you and they hook you up. Im thinking some antibiotics are in order for Mr. Kevin.
It took all day but Kevin downloaded ‘Eclipse’ for us to watch tonight. Cool. He fell asleep half way through…I watched the whole thing and loved it…
Tuesday July 6th. 2010
Despair
8:30 am at the casa
I woke at 6:45am, made coffee, did laundry and washed dishes. I started to make Kevin an egg sandwich and realized we were out of water. It was about 8:30...this isn’t good. The stress of it and Kevin’s reaction made a knot in my throat and tightness in my chest. I just don’t know how long I can take this. The stress of the stupid shit that goes on here will kill me, I swear. I didn’t sell all of my belongings to go home now, but I also didn’t sell it all to deal with bullshit every other day. I really want nothing ore than to go home. I cannot see living like this for 4 more months because nothing has gotten any better here.
Breathe…
10am at the casa
Ok, so I guess Kevin talked me down. I can breathe again. I think we are going to head to town to ‘get away’ for a few hours. Maybe we will even plan our rip to Panama.
Ricardo, from across the street, just came over and is talking to Kevin. I wonder what’s up…they are in the front yard walking around.
Kevin is talking with someone from St Augustine who is interested in coming to stay with us and commune. Heidi eluded that she and Doug are interested in an adventure like ours. So, I let her know that we are looking for someone to come stay with us on the property. Who knows, maybe it will be them….or the surfer from St Augustine. Either way, I know, that nothing will happen before it suppose to and the right person/people will come in time.
I guess Ricardo is broke and in need of money. He gave Kevin 2 pieces of art form a local and asked if he needed any help with anything. Kevin gave him a Mil and told him he can help tomorrow while he and Ricky trim some trees in the yard. Yet again, I need to focus on what I have and not what I don’t…
Later that day…
We walked to town. I needed to get out of this house. Kevin told me that the neighbors want us to cut down all the almond trees that line the property because limbs are falling on their house and impeding their farming. They knew the trees where there when they set up their little compound. Fuck, more to worry about trying to ‘keep the peace’
around here. As of we didn’t have enough to worry about. Breathe…
We had lunch at a little soda downtown. Then, went to the travel agent. She hooked us up with a deal on going to San Andres Island. All inclusive, airfare too, for 220/pp plus tax. San Andres is in the Caribbean off Columbia by Costa Rica. Its post card beautiful. We told her to get a confirmation without even asking to see anything about the hotel we were to stay in or anything…Later, around 6 she called with the reservation and asked us to come in with Kevins passport.
At around 7pm I heard what I thought was something hitting the side of the house. I wnet out a looked, and the complaining neighbor was piling bamboo and wood along the property line near a new frame of a structure. Great, more people moving in next door…and the construction…and loss of water that goes with it. I knew when I saw the frame- like structure go up the other day that there were more people moving in. We just tried not to believe it.
So, we ended the day better than it had started. Kevin fell asleep by 9 and I was up till 11. The public water didn’t start on till 10:30. I knew there was going to be a problem in the morning. I tossed and turned all night. I heard Kevin wake a few times and check the water. All I wanted to do was sleep.
Wednesday July 7th. 2010
No water day 2...
6am at the casa
I woke and went to the out house. Came back and laid back down. I just wanted to sleep. I could feel the anxiety stirring inside me. Kevin came in and laid down with me. He told me he wrote a letter to ICE complaining about the fact that non-residents cant get cell phones. Then he told me, what I already knew, about the water.
We both wanted nothing more than to just go home. But with no where to stay when we get there and just enough money to get us going…it was going to be real hard. If we knew we had a place to stay when we got home, no doubt the white flag would have been raised.
Today Kevin and Ricky planned on trimming…even before the neighbor complained. So, as our ‘go to guy’ we asked Ricky about the water problem. He talked to Domingo, across the street and Doming was having the same problem…a lot of people were. He explained it was because of the terrain and how the water line goes up and down. There just want enough pressure to push up and down. Ok, in my mind the towel has been thrown in.
But, there was a pump and well on the property. The water in it was no good so, the guys were gonna dig up the pump and dig another well closer to the house and tie it into the plumbing. Then, Domingo told them that the existing well was deep enough. All that needed to be done was to run the pump for about 8 hours to clean out the well water. So that’s what they did and proceeded to start trimming the trees. Crisis averted, I guess. Now I have to think of the power line and how it runs through all the trees they are trimming.
For me. 2 colonapins later, I sat down to write and started a pot of black beans. I don’t know how much longer I can take this daily roller coaster ride. I love roller coasters, but, not the one labeled ‘Costa Rican life’. Maybe the key is the daily intake of prescription drugs. Doctor visits are cheap. I will have to think about this one…
So, I called the travel agent about the total cost with taxes, hoping it would be not more than 5-600.…no its 784.00. I knew it would be high, international travel has high taxing…I have to talk to Kevin about this one. If we do this, we cant afford to do it again in 6 and again in 9 months…we’ll see what he says. I think I need an icy cold cerveza right about now…
Not much goin’ on…
All day at the casa
Today I just laid low. The computer had, yet another, melt down. Kevin spent most of the day trying to fix it without reformatting. I finished the book I was reading, Exit to Eden and had nothing to read. I read every article in the Rolling Stone I brought with me…really leaving nothing to read. I try to save any dvds for night time, before we go to bed. So, I found an old Cosmopolitan of Lori’s and started reading that. Luckily, Kevin got the computer running after devoting hours to fixing it. YAY!
We didn’t go to town today because Kevin has massive blisters from walking to the river. No big deal, tomorrow is another day. My ankle had still been bothering me so I could give it another day, myself.
Now that I have found Nip/Tuck, I continued watching the series…disc 3 season 2 done….Kevin played video games on the computer while I in my new tv show. He had watched most of this season on tv so he wasn’t as into the videos as I was. All good, just the same.
Friday July 2nd, 2010
2 months down
9:30 am downtown Quepos
Off to town we went…its been a week since we went. Charlie stuck around the property for us while we were gone. The cabina is a mosquito magnet and even after sleeping under a bug net, Charlie was still complaining of how the mosquitoes kept him up. With all the rain yesterday, the mosquitoes must be multiplying quick!
My first online purchase arrived and we found it in the post office box today. Yay…so we can get stuff here! This was some Rid-X for the outhouse. Nothing fun but something useful.
We stopped and had some breakfast at Kevins favorite spot. Black beans and rice, scrambled eggs, butterd bread and Tamarindo juice…not bad for about 3 dollars. Then off to the ever loved Pali to get our staples and other groceries. I was surprised that everything fit into the bags we brought.
It was after 10 so we headed to the bookstore. I picked up 2 Nora Roberts books to read, for now. Next time I go I return the books and 2 that I brought with me, for store credit. Gotta love a book exchange program. Next we headed to the American Video store. We wanted to pick up some more dvds…they sell bootleg dvds for 1 or 2 dollars. They also rent, but last time we went in, the girl didn’t speak English, so we just bought instead. Kevin says what the fuck its only a dollar or 2 just to have them…But when we got there they weren’t open yet. They didn’t open till noon. Bummer. Last time we were in there they had a copy of ‘Alice in Wonderland’ with Johnny Depp. The movie that was on in the plane on the flight over. Since Kevin didn’t watch it and I fell asleep we wanted to pick that one up…oh well. There’s still the rest of Nip/Tuck season 2 to watch…lol.
Talking
1pm in the casa kitchen
Kevin was frustrated again this morning. So, after an enjoyable walk to town, talked it out. I mostly listened. Which is a good thing sometimes. We did converse about our 90 day visa stamp and our trip to Panama. I think at the beginning of the week we are going to go to the travel agent in Quepos to set up our trip. I have no idea where to go, how to get there or where to stay. So, some professional help is in order. I called Gypsy and left her a message. We need her schedule so we can plan our trip. Gypsy will be the one staying in the house and watching Pixie so we can plan on anything till we know her availability. The conversation went well. Its always good when Kevin can get stuff off his chest. I just asked him to try and imagine what it is like for me, having to deal with his frustrations. He understood completely and we always try to make an effort to make a change for the better after these conversations. Some days its hard, some days its not….but we are only human after all.
After our talk, I made this cake thing I made for Kevin yesterday. Its base was pancake mix and oatmeal with bananas. It came out really good, especially warm with some syrup. While on our way home we saw Maria, Ricky’s oldest. She ran up and hugged me, as did her friend. Lori would bring the kids sweets and treats sometimes from in town but this is a habit I am trying not to get into. Kevin asked if I could make the kids one of those cakes so I promised Maria I would make one and bring it down and told her they needed to eat it while it was hot. I added some sweet coconut to theirs, along with some syrup on the top…right out of the oven…so it would soak in. It looked yummy and Kevin just headed over to bring it to them. I also sent over a Tupperware of mixed veggies. I made them with yucca and Kevin wasn’t thrilled with the favor of the yucca that way. I guess with the other piece of yucca, from Francisco, I will try the boil then fry method. You fry them like you do the plantains. Hopefully the fried version will taste better.
Since we didn’t get any movies, Im thinking Nip/Tuck video 4 season2 is in order.
Saturday July 3rd, 2010
To town
10:30 am downtown Quepos
Off to town we went as Charlie packed to leave. The trip in town was fun. We stopped and had lunch and beers, then went to the Pali. After, we stopped at the bookstore and I bought 2 Nora Roberts books. Then off to the Americana Video. There we bought bootlegs of ‘Sherlock Holmes’, ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and ‘Its Complicated’. Satisfied, we set off for home.
The lights go off
Dunno what time at the casa
Arrgh! I went to turn on the fan in the bedroom and there was no electricity. At first, I thought the fan was out of commission, but it was the power. I tried calling ICE, but no one speaks English. All I got from the conversations was ‘No, Quepos…No, Quepos.’ ‘Graicias’ was all I could say. After a while, Charlie called with the news that he was coming back for the night and that all of Queops was without electric and water.
So, we decided to cook dinner over a wood fire in our make-shift grill. As we were preparing, the lights came back on but we said ‘Fuck it’, we would build a fire and cook the chicken, anyway. The smoke from the fire keeps the mosquitoes away and we knew Charlie was coming back to have a couple beers. So, this way we could sit on the porch without getting eaten alive.
Ben had a table made from a big wood cable spool with a top on one end. This was the table I made the grill on. When I built the grill I constructed it so there was a catch pan for ashes and a rack to build the fire on. When Ricky
came over last week to cook lunch he re arranged it and built the fire right in the pan. I had a piece of tin over the wooden top thinking this would keep the wood from catching fire. I guess not when the fire is right on the tin and not elevated because Kevin noticed that there was smoke coming from under the tin. Well, the heat burned right through the center hole of the spool. I told Kevin that the fire had to have started when Ricky was cooking. He had that fire raging for a few hours, we only cooked one piece of chicken. I remembered the old configuration of the grill and knew it was Ricky’s re-build that caused the fire. We laughed because it was just pain funny and off we went to watch ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and Charlie went to crash in the cabina for one last night.
Sunday July 4th. 2010
Charlie leaves today
4:30 pm at the casa
After a long morning of ‘discussions’, Charlie left. The discussions started with my frustrations over not getting a call back from Gypsy about our visa run. I Knew I shouldn’t have said a word, but I did. The conversation escalated into Kevin declaring that we would just go home at the end of the month. Neither of us was ready to leave, and the while we discussed I chatted with Dee on MSN. Luckily, she was there to ‘talk’ to and a breakdown was avoided on my part.
After a few hours of discussions, Ricky came by with Francisco and smoked a Tico fatty with Kevin and I continued my chat with Nana.
Finally, he said that we promised each other we wouldn’t talk this bullshit anymore and that we promised each other we would stay a minimum of 6 months here, then re-evaluate then. So, that is what we are going to do. It just gets real hard when I or we feel like we cannot depend on anyone. It stirs the feelings of isolation and these are things we are trying to make a conscious effort to avoid. In the end we laughed and said that Gypsy would probably call tonite or in the morning. She did just that.. At 7:48pm the phone rang and it was her. She checked her schedule and as a professional house/pet sitter, luckily had nothing booked. So this week we are free to make our plans for our visa run. Something to look forward to and another hurdle cleared.
Charlie left this evening saying he would return with Kristin in about a month. For the first time, I actually believe these words. Charlie is going to backpack and camp around Costa with his girlfriend for a few weeks. Charlie made some good fiends here and had good times despite all he lost here. This is what makes me believe we will see him again. I just couldn’t help but think that this might actually be the first time Charlie left here without forgetting something…good for him.
Monday July 5th. 2010
Alone again…just the 2 of us
9:30 pm at the casa
When I saw Charlie bike onto the property, I laughed. I knew he couldn’t not forget something! The night the lights went out, he was waiting to get his bus ticket and had to wait for the electric to come on. Well, good ole Charlie lost his bus ticket. All I could say was that it is a good thing he was going to have Kristin to travel with him because he is always losing or forgetting something. With the ticket not here, now he would have to hope he could purchase another one. OY-VEY! The money its cost him just because he cant keep his head on straight….bus tickets, debit cards…yes, it’s a good thing Kristin is coming to travel with him for a while.
We headed out to the yard to take down the tearing tarps over one of the camping structures. It fills up with water when it rains and was tearing at the edges from the weight. Then, we took down the tore up electrical cord that was
running to the campsite. With the way we lose and gain power here we didn’t want a loose cord hanging. Plus, no one was coming to stay so, Kevin said fuck it. The public water doesn’t come on till after 9 most nights and stops before 5 most mornings. This is a real deal breaker for having a camp ground. How can you possibly tell someone they have to wait till between 9pm and 5am to shower…or that they are only allowed to take a 2 minute shower while we are on the tank?
Anyway, Ricky came by to take Kevin with him to get diesel. Ricky says that you spray it on the ground around the house and cabina. This will kill all the ants and mosquitoes but not harm the plants. Even though this is day 3 of Kevin having swollen glands and a poopie belly, he went along. He told me he just wanted to lay low today, but he felt up to it so off he went.
Tomorrow we will go to town to go to the travel agent and the farmacia. Here, at the pharmacy, they will dispense any drug over the counter, just not narcotics. Its my understanding that you explain to the pharmacist what ails you and they hook you up. Im thinking some antibiotics are in order for Mr. Kevin.
It took all day but Kevin downloaded ‘Eclipse’ for us to watch tonight. Cool. He fell asleep half way through…I watched the whole thing and loved it…
Tuesday July 6th. 2010
Despair
8:30 am at the casa
I woke at 6:45am, made coffee, did laundry and washed dishes. I started to make Kevin an egg sandwich and realized we were out of water. It was about 8:30...this isn’t good. The stress of it and Kevin’s reaction made a knot in my throat and tightness in my chest. I just don’t know how long I can take this. The stress of the stupid shit that goes on here will kill me, I swear. I didn’t sell all of my belongings to go home now, but I also didn’t sell it all to deal with bullshit every other day. I really want nothing ore than to go home. I cannot see living like this for 4 more months because nothing has gotten any better here.
Breathe…
10am at the casa
Ok, so I guess Kevin talked me down. I can breathe again. I think we are going to head to town to ‘get away’ for a few hours. Maybe we will even plan our rip to Panama.
Ricardo, from across the street, just came over and is talking to Kevin. I wonder what’s up…they are in the front yard walking around.
Kevin is talking with someone from St Augustine who is interested in coming to stay with us and commune. Heidi eluded that she and Doug are interested in an adventure like ours. So, I let her know that we are looking for someone to come stay with us on the property. Who knows, maybe it will be them….or the surfer from St Augustine. Either way, I know, that nothing will happen before it suppose to and the right person/people will come in time.
I guess Ricardo is broke and in need of money. He gave Kevin 2 pieces of art form a local and asked if he needed any help with anything. Kevin gave him a Mil and told him he can help tomorrow while he and Ricky trim some trees in the yard. Yet again, I need to focus on what I have and not what I don’t…
Later that day…
We walked to town. I needed to get out of this house. Kevin told me that the neighbors want us to cut down all the almond trees that line the property because limbs are falling on their house and impeding their farming. They knew the trees where there when they set up their little compound. Fuck, more to worry about trying to ‘keep the peace’
around here. As of we didn’t have enough to worry about. Breathe…
We had lunch at a little soda downtown. Then, went to the travel agent. She hooked us up with a deal on going to San Andres Island. All inclusive, airfare too, for 220/pp plus tax. San Andres is in the Caribbean off Columbia by Costa Rica. Its post card beautiful. We told her to get a confirmation without even asking to see anything about the hotel we were to stay in or anything…Later, around 6 she called with the reservation and asked us to come in with Kevins passport.
At around 7pm I heard what I thought was something hitting the side of the house. I wnet out a looked, and the complaining neighbor was piling bamboo and wood along the property line near a new frame of a structure. Great, more people moving in next door…and the construction…and loss of water that goes with it. I knew when I saw the frame- like structure go up the other day that there were more people moving in. We just tried not to believe it.
So, we ended the day better than it had started. Kevin fell asleep by 9 and I was up till 11. The public water didn’t start on till 10:30. I knew there was going to be a problem in the morning. I tossed and turned all night. I heard Kevin wake a few times and check the water. All I wanted to do was sleep.
Wednesday July 7th. 2010
No water day 2...
6am at the casa
I woke and went to the out house. Came back and laid back down. I just wanted to sleep. I could feel the anxiety stirring inside me. Kevin came in and laid down with me. He told me he wrote a letter to ICE complaining about the fact that non-residents cant get cell phones. Then he told me, what I already knew, about the water.
We both wanted nothing more than to just go home. But with no where to stay when we get there and just enough money to get us going…it was going to be real hard. If we knew we had a place to stay when we got home, no doubt the white flag would have been raised.
Today Kevin and Ricky planned on trimming…even before the neighbor complained. So, as our ‘go to guy’ we asked Ricky about the water problem. He talked to Domingo, across the street and Doming was having the same problem…a lot of people were. He explained it was because of the terrain and how the water line goes up and down. There just want enough pressure to push up and down. Ok, in my mind the towel has been thrown in.
But, there was a pump and well on the property. The water in it was no good so, the guys were gonna dig up the pump and dig another well closer to the house and tie it into the plumbing. Then, Domingo told them that the existing well was deep enough. All that needed to be done was to run the pump for about 8 hours to clean out the well water. So that’s what they did and proceeded to start trimming the trees. Crisis averted, I guess. Now I have to think of the power line and how it runs through all the trees they are trimming.
For me. 2 colonapins later, I sat down to write and started a pot of black beans. I don’t know how much longer I can take this daily roller coaster ride. I love roller coasters, but, not the one labeled ‘Costa Rican life’. Maybe the key is the daily intake of prescription drugs. Doctor visits are cheap. I will have to think about this one…
So, I called the travel agent about the total cost with taxes, hoping it would be not more than 5-600.…no its 784.00. I knew it would be high, international travel has high taxing…I have to talk to Kevin about this one. If we do this, we cant afford to do it again in 6 and again in 9 months…we’ll see what he says. I think I need an icy cold cerveza right about now…
Monday, July 5, 2010
The last week of June...
Wednesday June 23rd, 2010
News from Ricky
4pm at the casa
Ricky stopped by today to let us know that the Ticos know who has been stealing from the commune. A Jamaican crack-head who Andy knows through the bakery. He was trying to sell Andy weed and one day it was 120 for an oz and then next it was 60. Andy told this story to Kevin on a walk to town one day. While in town, we ran across the guy and Kevin gave him 60 for weed and wound up with a bag full of tissue and plastic. Needless to say, Kevin has been stalking this guy ever since.
Ricky says he lives across the rice field and river from the commune on the main road to Quepos and comes across at low tide, it only take 10 minutes to walk. He said the ‘negro’ cant get rid of Charlie’s life jacket and still has it. Ricky said they need 30 dollars to get it back and that the Ticos would take care of it. We think they are gonna beat the shit out of the guy, get the life jacket and keep the 30 bucks for doing it.
We called Charlie to let him know and he said he would be out tomorrow to talk with Ricky. So, we will see what happens.
I swear this place has more drama than St. Augustine Beach and Wilton Manors combined.
As for things with Kev and I, things have calmed down considerably. Sometimes, I guess, a fight just gets the stress out….even though I hate it. We didn’t do much today, because I spent a lot of time online chatting with Wayne, Nana and Chip on MSN. That was great, like the old days…lol. I was informed that this journal is the hit of Wilton Manors and everyone that comes by reads it. They wait with baited breath for the next installment. Who am I to deny my fans? So, I posted the next week for them to read. I haven’t posted everything up to date yet, as I want to give everyone time to catch up. I love it, my own personal soap opera….lol.
News from Ricky
4pm at the casa
Ricky stopped by today to let us know that the Ticos know who has been stealing from the commune. A Jamaican crack-head who Andy knows through the bakery. He was trying to sell Andy weed and one day it was 120 for an oz and then next it was 60. Andy told this story to Kevin on a walk to town one day. While in town, we ran across the guy and Kevin gave him 60 for weed and wound up with a bag full of tissue and plastic. Needless to say, Kevin has been stalking this guy ever since.
Ricky says he lives across the rice field and river from the commune on the main road to Quepos and comes across at low tide, it only take 10 minutes to walk. He said the ‘negro’ cant get rid of Charlie’s life jacket and still has it. Ricky said they need 30 dollars to get it back and that the Ticos would take care of it. We think they are gonna beat the shit out of the guy, get the life jacket and keep the 30 bucks for doing it.
We called Charlie to let him know and he said he would be out tomorrow to talk with Ricky. So, we will see what happens.
I swear this place has more drama than St. Augustine Beach and Wilton Manors combined.
As for things with Kev and I, things have calmed down considerably. Sometimes, I guess, a fight just gets the stress out….even though I hate it. We didn’t do much today, because I spent a lot of time online chatting with Wayne, Nana and Chip on MSN. That was great, like the old days…lol. I was informed that this journal is the hit of Wilton Manors and everyone that comes by reads it. They wait with baited breath for the next installment. Who am I to deny my fans? So, I posted the next week for them to read. I haven’t posted everything up to date yet, as I want to give everyone time to catch up. I love it, my own personal soap opera….lol.
Thursday June 24th, 2010
The drama continues
Around noon on the casa porch
Ok, so Charlie shows to retrieve his life jacket with Rickys help. Ricky comes by and explains to Charlie that the negra from in town took it and Mario (one of the two guys we caught in our yard last week, the other is the commune neighbor who we think is stealing) can get it back. He would return in an hour.
Well, he returned all right, with his dog, a knife and a black bag. In the black bag was the life vest, but it was cut apart and unusable. Because of that they only charged him 10 dollars not 30. When I saw the life vest a huge ball of anxiety grew in my chest. This wasn’t good. It was like they were sending a message…one we didn’t like. I didn’t like being in the middle of all this and it having gone down on my porch. We were just getting over the association to Ben and Lori, now we will have to overcome this…and hope nothing starts coming up missing here.
Fuck, we don’t need this drama. Charlie, enraged, left the island. Obviously, what the thieves wanted, or at least what we thought…but why? Just because he is a gringo? Plus Ricky showing up with his knife and dog….we think he was afraid there would be a fight. About 15 minutes before Ricky came back, I saw a guy crawl under the neighbors fence and look to see if he was seen, then he disappeared. We wondered if this was back up for Ricky, in case a fight ensued. I just don’t know.
Ricky looked, honestly disappointed in the condition of the vest and we figured in all his efforts he was just trying to keep the peace. Later, Charlie called and said he talked to Ricky and Domingo on his way out and asked Ricky if Mario was really the one who did this and Ricky said he thought so. Just as we suspected, because another neighbor said he saw 2 younger guys walking with it and it wasn’t the negra. Plus, the whole time , Andy and Kevin both suspected Andy’s neighbor, who now we find runs with Mario…and they were right.
So, after much talk between Kevin and I, we decided we needed to bring in our surfboards from the loft and hang them in the house. This was the only thing of ours that was left outside. We keep the ladder to the loft locked up but we could plainly see other ways to get up there and make off with the boards. Nothing else is ours and if it disappears, not our fault, all these things have been outside since we arrived. Kevin still worries about leaving Pixie in the house when we go to town. I think she is fine because there are so many dogs here, that’s the last thing someone would steal. I did make her a little poodle bag to go to town this week, but that just makes her visible to any thieves. Im not sure how going to town is going to play out from now on, but we will see.
I told Kevin that all the drama here was too much for me. We discussed it and decided that we did need someone to work-stay here, and our focus was going to be on the property and making money, trying to block out everyone else’s bullshit. Andy should be back next week, but we’ll see. If he comes back like he said, we are going to tell him he should move his structure onto our property for safety. Kevin and he had talked about it before Andy left. We decided that even if this happens, we still want someone to work-stay. The reason Being is Andy likes to do his won thing and a work-stay person would understand that part of their job is to be here when we are not.
Being here has stressed me out more in the past 2 months than anything n the states…I told Kevin I cant even settle down enough to paint. He understood. Im hoping that we find someone soon to works stay and that Andy does return and move his structure to our property. These things would help us immensely. I came here for peace not stress. So now I am on that relentless pursuit of peace if it kills me. Like I said before, this experience is bringing Kevin and I closer, except for the stress and drama. Without that we would be living ‘pura vida’. Until then, its anxiety city for both of us…
Friday June 25th, 2010
Full steam ahead
All day at the casa
Well as I promised myself, I kept my head in the fact that we need to focus our energies on the property and making money. I posted an ad on the Surf Station forums looking for a work stay person to alleviate the stress of someone always having to be here. So far, the response has been great. Kevin got contacted by a couple who want to come and stay, but they want to bring their dog. Kevin and I both said it would be great if we had another couple here, so we’ll see what happens. I was contacted by a guy who is living in Santa Teresa and started a surf camp for a Flagler Beach Surf Shop. He would be good too because he is already in the country. Our conversations with these people will continue and I am hoping one of them works out.
Glenn and Britney have contacted us and said they were coming in August to stay for a week! We were so glad to hear this. Plus, we both chatted with Richie and he hopes to come for a visit in October over his birthday. Hell yeah.
Charlie came out today and we discussed him building his structure here on the property. He and Kevin have tentative plans to start moving Alex’s old structure here at the beginning of the week. We are also hoping that Andy decides to do the same, once he returns…if he returns. He should be back sometime this week.
I also started a website to spam to get surfers here to camp. Its just in the beginning stages, but at least I got it started.
For the past few nights I have been unable to fall asleep. Im not sure why. I have been reading ‘Exit to Eden’ every night till I cant see straight. Yet, still cant easily fall off to sleep. Cyndi has been saying something about the full moon. Maybe that’s it….its tomorrow night, and it seems to be a strong one. Not falling asleep till after 1:30 and getting up at 7 is hard on me, but I’ve been functioning pretty well on such little sleep.
Ricky came by and it seems the drama has blown over. Luckily he knows that we have no part of the issue with Charlie’s stuff going missing and its horrible return. I’ve been telling Charlie since he got there to just build and stay on the property because it is safer. He could have easily watched Andy’s space from here with the little time he has actually spent out there. Hopefully, come Monday, he will finally take us up on the invitation.
Saturday June 26th, 2010
To town and full moon tonight
All day at the casa
Today we went to town to go to the market while Charlie stayed at the house. We shopped the farmers market, went to the bakery, bought a headset for Skype and had lunch. We ate at a little soda in town and had the casado with pollo frito (fried chicken). For only 2 mil or 4 dollars we got the hugest plate of food. We had a lot of fun today in town and it made me happy and feel better. I wish we could do these things more often.
No sleepy for me
As tired as I get here, I still cannot fall asleep before midnight. Usually Kevin is asleep by 9 and I sit and read till I just cant see straight. Yet, sleep still eludes me. This may be the reason for my anxiety most days and I hate it. I wish I could sleep long hours so the days were shorter and time passed faster for me…but no such luck.
I have even resorted to drinking a few of the strong Costa Rican beers at night but that dosent help either. Maybe a few strong rum drinks will do the trick but I havent tried that yet. I use the rum to dip my monkey bread, from the bakery, in. It reminds me of the rum cakes we had on the cruise….yummy…but doest put me to sleep.
Sunday June 27th, 2010
Ricky cooks lunch
All day at the casa
Ricky showed up just before lunch to show us how he cooks his rice and beans. The trick is sweet coconut milk. This he uses to boil chicken and cook the rice. It makes the flavor so damn good.
Charlie came by while the cooking was going on. We didn’t have all that Ricky needed to prepare the whole meal so he and Kevin both made trips to the pulperia to pick up the missing ingredients. Ricky cooked out side on both the electric burner then over fire, the way all Ticos do. The fire gets hotter than electric and is cheaper, but the smoke the wood we had was massive. We definitely need to learn what wood to use and the easiest way to start the fire. I made the little outdoor kitchen yesterday to keep the heat from in the house. So far its worked out, but no fires being built yet to cook over….maybe in time.
Abandonment issues
7pm in the casa kitchen
Well, we realized by Andy’s Facebook posts that he is not planning on returning anytime soon. This pissed me off. Why cant people just tell the truth around here? Kevin says it may have been an emotional decision but still thinks before Andy left he gave clues that he wasn’t retuning. Plus, I was pissed that if he just told the truth, Charlie wouldn’t have felt obligated to watch his structure and in turn not have his things stolen. These events have made it to where, now not even Charlie plans on staying.
What we are planning on is taking apart the 2 structures on the commune and rebuilding them on the property here. This will give us a fighting chance of finding some people to stay, or a place for us to stay if we decide to rent out the main house weekly.
Tomorrow we will tell Charlie about our Facebook findings and see how he reacts.
The idea of Andy not returning set me off into anxiety land. I think it’s the deep seated abandonment issues I have from when I was 19, engaged and left in a hotel room in Arizona by my fiance. Some things you just never get over. Even though I told Kevin this is why I get so upset, he understood but said it is something I need to deal with. He is right but these are feelings I have buried for so long and events here are bringing them to the surface. As Kevin slept, I thought about these abandonment issues and why things bother me so much here. The answer I came up with might just be the fact that I am afraid I am going to lose Kevin while Im here. If something were to happen to him I would be completely alone and I think this scares me the most.
Monday June 28th, 2010
Giving the news to Charlie
8 am at the casa
We told Charlie what we found on Facebook and he was a little pissed as were we. If Andy would have only been honest the last 2 weeks would have been so much different. We could have relocated the commune structures to here and Charlie would have had a normal chance to adjust. Now, he feels as though he should just read the signs and move on from Cocal and Quepos. He and Kevin walked to the beach and he told Kevin something about the 15th. Besides the drama on Cocal, its not working out with the room he is renting in town. We told him, yet again he is welcome here. Although he and Kevin plan on moving everything to our property this week, Kevin thinks Charlie will be gone on the 15th.
We discussed it and if the guy who is living in Costa Rica is willing to come stay here, cool. If not I said maybe we should leave at the end of the month. We know financially this wont help us and know we need to stay to recoup the monies we lost in order to have a normal life at home.
Ricky came by and is replanting plantain trees. He told us we have to wait till after the full moon to do so and today was the day. So, on his way out the door to Ricky’s he said when he returned he would call Jamie, the guy in Costa and talk with him to see where it leads. Im keeping my fingers crossed because if we leave early Kevin feels like we will have been defeated and he doesn’t want that. We know we can make it here but just need a little help. As I have said before, only time will tell.
Grounding
1:30 in the casa
I called Gypsy today and she just called me back. I just needed someone here to talk to. Gypsy was a priest who is now living as a woman. The only reason I say this is because her past makes her a good listener and confidant. I debriefed her on my feeling and told her I just needed someone to talk with sometimes. In her usual fashion, she was kind and supportive of whatever we wanted to do. She said it was just plain OK to have the feelings I have and yet again, assured me that leaving the house to go to town was OK and it would be safe. She also believed as I that no one would break into the house and Pixie was safe. If only Kevin would believe that whole heartedly, my anxiety could be quelled. She told me anytime I got the nerve to walk to town alone she would meet me for lunch or whatever. Also that if I ever needed an ear she was there. Plus, if we ever wanted to explore Costa Rica she would be more than happy to watch the house and/or Pixie. She, like I, believes the key to my happiness here is getting out and seeing things, even if it is just Quepos. Talking with her made me feel better because she understands the isolation of Cocal. I guess I just need to grow some balls and walk to town alone sometimes. Im not sure what Im afraid of, but I know I must get over it. Maybe this week I will go to town alone, for no other reason than to get out of the house. I didn’t come here to do things alone, but if it keeps me sane, so be it.
Ricky and Kevin have been doing some grounding of their own. Planting, replanting and taking out the wrong trees from the yard. I guess we all need a little grounding of some sort every now and then.
The drama continues
Around noon on the casa porch
Ok, so Charlie shows to retrieve his life jacket with Rickys help. Ricky comes by and explains to Charlie that the negra from in town took it and Mario (one of the two guys we caught in our yard last week, the other is the commune neighbor who we think is stealing) can get it back. He would return in an hour.
Well, he returned all right, with his dog, a knife and a black bag. In the black bag was the life vest, but it was cut apart and unusable. Because of that they only charged him 10 dollars not 30. When I saw the life vest a huge ball of anxiety grew in my chest. This wasn’t good. It was like they were sending a message…one we didn’t like. I didn’t like being in the middle of all this and it having gone down on my porch. We were just getting over the association to Ben and Lori, now we will have to overcome this…and hope nothing starts coming up missing here.
Fuck, we don’t need this drama. Charlie, enraged, left the island. Obviously, what the thieves wanted, or at least what we thought…but why? Just because he is a gringo? Plus Ricky showing up with his knife and dog….we think he was afraid there would be a fight. About 15 minutes before Ricky came back, I saw a guy crawl under the neighbors fence and look to see if he was seen, then he disappeared. We wondered if this was back up for Ricky, in case a fight ensued. I just don’t know.
Ricky looked, honestly disappointed in the condition of the vest and we figured in all his efforts he was just trying to keep the peace. Later, Charlie called and said he talked to Ricky and Domingo on his way out and asked Ricky if Mario was really the one who did this and Ricky said he thought so. Just as we suspected, because another neighbor said he saw 2 younger guys walking with it and it wasn’t the negra. Plus, the whole time , Andy and Kevin both suspected Andy’s neighbor, who now we find runs with Mario…and they were right.
So, after much talk between Kevin and I, we decided we needed to bring in our surfboards from the loft and hang them in the house. This was the only thing of ours that was left outside. We keep the ladder to the loft locked up but we could plainly see other ways to get up there and make off with the boards. Nothing else is ours and if it disappears, not our fault, all these things have been outside since we arrived. Kevin still worries about leaving Pixie in the house when we go to town. I think she is fine because there are so many dogs here, that’s the last thing someone would steal. I did make her a little poodle bag to go to town this week, but that just makes her visible to any thieves. Im not sure how going to town is going to play out from now on, but we will see.
I told Kevin that all the drama here was too much for me. We discussed it and decided that we did need someone to work-stay here, and our focus was going to be on the property and making money, trying to block out everyone else’s bullshit. Andy should be back next week, but we’ll see. If he comes back like he said, we are going to tell him he should move his structure onto our property for safety. Kevin and he had talked about it before Andy left. We decided that even if this happens, we still want someone to work-stay. The reason Being is Andy likes to do his won thing and a work-stay person would understand that part of their job is to be here when we are not.
Being here has stressed me out more in the past 2 months than anything n the states…I told Kevin I cant even settle down enough to paint. He understood. Im hoping that we find someone soon to works stay and that Andy does return and move his structure to our property. These things would help us immensely. I came here for peace not stress. So now I am on that relentless pursuit of peace if it kills me. Like I said before, this experience is bringing Kevin and I closer, except for the stress and drama. Without that we would be living ‘pura vida’. Until then, its anxiety city for both of us…
Friday June 25th, 2010
Full steam ahead
All day at the casa
Well as I promised myself, I kept my head in the fact that we need to focus our energies on the property and making money. I posted an ad on the Surf Station forums looking for a work stay person to alleviate the stress of someone always having to be here. So far, the response has been great. Kevin got contacted by a couple who want to come and stay, but they want to bring their dog. Kevin and I both said it would be great if we had another couple here, so we’ll see what happens. I was contacted by a guy who is living in Santa Teresa and started a surf camp for a Flagler Beach Surf Shop. He would be good too because he is already in the country. Our conversations with these people will continue and I am hoping one of them works out.
Glenn and Britney have contacted us and said they were coming in August to stay for a week! We were so glad to hear this. Plus, we both chatted with Richie and he hopes to come for a visit in October over his birthday. Hell yeah.
Charlie came out today and we discussed him building his structure here on the property. He and Kevin have tentative plans to start moving Alex’s old structure here at the beginning of the week. We are also hoping that Andy decides to do the same, once he returns…if he returns. He should be back sometime this week.
I also started a website to spam to get surfers here to camp. Its just in the beginning stages, but at least I got it started.
For the past few nights I have been unable to fall asleep. Im not sure why. I have been reading ‘Exit to Eden’ every night till I cant see straight. Yet, still cant easily fall off to sleep. Cyndi has been saying something about the full moon. Maybe that’s it….its tomorrow night, and it seems to be a strong one. Not falling asleep till after 1:30 and getting up at 7 is hard on me, but I’ve been functioning pretty well on such little sleep.
Ricky came by and it seems the drama has blown over. Luckily he knows that we have no part of the issue with Charlie’s stuff going missing and its horrible return. I’ve been telling Charlie since he got there to just build and stay on the property because it is safer. He could have easily watched Andy’s space from here with the little time he has actually spent out there. Hopefully, come Monday, he will finally take us up on the invitation.
Saturday June 26th, 2010
To town and full moon tonight
All day at the casa
Today we went to town to go to the market while Charlie stayed at the house. We shopped the farmers market, went to the bakery, bought a headset for Skype and had lunch. We ate at a little soda in town and had the casado with pollo frito (fried chicken). For only 2 mil or 4 dollars we got the hugest plate of food. We had a lot of fun today in town and it made me happy and feel better. I wish we could do these things more often.
No sleepy for me
As tired as I get here, I still cannot fall asleep before midnight. Usually Kevin is asleep by 9 and I sit and read till I just cant see straight. Yet, sleep still eludes me. This may be the reason for my anxiety most days and I hate it. I wish I could sleep long hours so the days were shorter and time passed faster for me…but no such luck.
I have even resorted to drinking a few of the strong Costa Rican beers at night but that dosent help either. Maybe a few strong rum drinks will do the trick but I havent tried that yet. I use the rum to dip my monkey bread, from the bakery, in. It reminds me of the rum cakes we had on the cruise….yummy…but doest put me to sleep.
Sunday June 27th, 2010
Ricky cooks lunch
All day at the casa
Ricky showed up just before lunch to show us how he cooks his rice and beans. The trick is sweet coconut milk. This he uses to boil chicken and cook the rice. It makes the flavor so damn good.
Charlie came by while the cooking was going on. We didn’t have all that Ricky needed to prepare the whole meal so he and Kevin both made trips to the pulperia to pick up the missing ingredients. Ricky cooked out side on both the electric burner then over fire, the way all Ticos do. The fire gets hotter than electric and is cheaper, but the smoke the wood we had was massive. We definitely need to learn what wood to use and the easiest way to start the fire. I made the little outdoor kitchen yesterday to keep the heat from in the house. So far its worked out, but no fires being built yet to cook over….maybe in time.
Abandonment issues
7pm in the casa kitchen
Well, we realized by Andy’s Facebook posts that he is not planning on returning anytime soon. This pissed me off. Why cant people just tell the truth around here? Kevin says it may have been an emotional decision but still thinks before Andy left he gave clues that he wasn’t retuning. Plus, I was pissed that if he just told the truth, Charlie wouldn’t have felt obligated to watch his structure and in turn not have his things stolen. These events have made it to where, now not even Charlie plans on staying.
What we are planning on is taking apart the 2 structures on the commune and rebuilding them on the property here. This will give us a fighting chance of finding some people to stay, or a place for us to stay if we decide to rent out the main house weekly.
Tomorrow we will tell Charlie about our Facebook findings and see how he reacts.
The idea of Andy not returning set me off into anxiety land. I think it’s the deep seated abandonment issues I have from when I was 19, engaged and left in a hotel room in Arizona by my fiance. Some things you just never get over. Even though I told Kevin this is why I get so upset, he understood but said it is something I need to deal with. He is right but these are feelings I have buried for so long and events here are bringing them to the surface. As Kevin slept, I thought about these abandonment issues and why things bother me so much here. The answer I came up with might just be the fact that I am afraid I am going to lose Kevin while Im here. If something were to happen to him I would be completely alone and I think this scares me the most.
Monday June 28th, 2010
Giving the news to Charlie
8 am at the casa
We told Charlie what we found on Facebook and he was a little pissed as were we. If Andy would have only been honest the last 2 weeks would have been so much different. We could have relocated the commune structures to here and Charlie would have had a normal chance to adjust. Now, he feels as though he should just read the signs and move on from Cocal and Quepos. He and Kevin walked to the beach and he told Kevin something about the 15th. Besides the drama on Cocal, its not working out with the room he is renting in town. We told him, yet again he is welcome here. Although he and Kevin plan on moving everything to our property this week, Kevin thinks Charlie will be gone on the 15th.
We discussed it and if the guy who is living in Costa Rica is willing to come stay here, cool. If not I said maybe we should leave at the end of the month. We know financially this wont help us and know we need to stay to recoup the monies we lost in order to have a normal life at home.
Ricky came by and is replanting plantain trees. He told us we have to wait till after the full moon to do so and today was the day. So, on his way out the door to Ricky’s he said when he returned he would call Jamie, the guy in Costa and talk with him to see where it leads. Im keeping my fingers crossed because if we leave early Kevin feels like we will have been defeated and he doesn’t want that. We know we can make it here but just need a little help. As I have said before, only time will tell.
Grounding
1:30 in the casa
I called Gypsy today and she just called me back. I just needed someone here to talk to. Gypsy was a priest who is now living as a woman. The only reason I say this is because her past makes her a good listener and confidant. I debriefed her on my feeling and told her I just needed someone to talk with sometimes. In her usual fashion, she was kind and supportive of whatever we wanted to do. She said it was just plain OK to have the feelings I have and yet again, assured me that leaving the house to go to town was OK and it would be safe. She also believed as I that no one would break into the house and Pixie was safe. If only Kevin would believe that whole heartedly, my anxiety could be quelled. She told me anytime I got the nerve to walk to town alone she would meet me for lunch or whatever. Also that if I ever needed an ear she was there. Plus, if we ever wanted to explore Costa Rica she would be more than happy to watch the house and/or Pixie. She, like I, believes the key to my happiness here is getting out and seeing things, even if it is just Quepos. Talking with her made me feel better because she understands the isolation of Cocal. I guess I just need to grow some balls and walk to town alone sometimes. Im not sure what Im afraid of, but I know I must get over it. Maybe this week I will go to town alone, for no other reason than to get out of the house. I didn’t come here to do things alone, but if it keeps me sane, so be it.
Ricky and Kevin have been doing some grounding of their own. Planting, replanting and taking out the wrong trees from the yard. I guess we all need a little grounding of some sort every now and then.
Tuesday June 29th, 2010
Take me to the river
All day on the beach
Last night, after talking with Ricky, I question whether or not having guests here, to camp or rent out the house weekly, is the right thing to do here. I also spoke to our neighbor, Francisco, who asked if Charlie was part of our family. After thinking about these conversations, I really realized that the people here cant wrap their head around the idea of people who are not friends or family being on your property. Here all members of each family build on the land and commune together. In my thoughts, I realized that maybe bringing a lot of unknown people to Cocal just might not be the right thing to do. The culture being what t is here, doing so may cause problems and we came here to live among the locals….not disrupt their way of living. Friends coming to visit is one thing, but people coming every week or so may change the way the people here look at us. Right now, the don’t look at us as any different than them. We think they think that we are being paid to be on the land so no one squats it just as our neighbor Jimmy and his family are. The locals think Ben had money, so this would make sense and explain how we are building relationships that Ben and Lori couldn’t.
So, at around 10 Kevin and Charlie said they were going to walk the beach to the river. I asked if I could go, never having been there. We took off down the beach on what was to be a 45 minute walk to the river. We stopped along the way, sat in the shade and had some pepas. They are baby coconuts that you open and drink the milk. Andy told us that way back when they would inject dying people with pepa milk because it was full of life sustaining nutrients. A lot of pepas are consumed here by the locals, you see the cracked open husks everywhere. After our pepa injection, off we went to the river. We cut off the beach to where you could see the river and it was a beautifully natural spot. The guys found a tree snake sitting in a palm frond and took pictures. By this time my broke down ankles had had it and when we got back to the beach I started heading the way of home. Oh no…they guys had to go all the way to the river mouth. I really starting to get sore and tired and knew I had the long walk home still to endure. For me, I could have done without the extra trek to the rivers mouth, but whatever.
On the way home I was so sore it was all I could do to keep upright and not fall to the ground and cry. After a while, Charlie took off ahead of us and Kevin stayed with me. His legs were also getting sore. On the walk there is the biggest piece of driftwood I had ever seen. It was beautiful. The guys got some pictures of it on the way out and after stopping for our pepa fix, Kevin and I saw Charlie there taking pictures of something else. It was a giant green sea turtle. If she want listless you would think she was still alive. No damage o her whatsoever. She was beautiful, but it made me sad to see her lifeless. As we were looking at her the sea was taking her back and we walked on.
What seemed like days later, we finally arrived home. FUCK! It was now after 3pm. We had been walking the beach for 5 hours! The soft sanded inclined beach….I was sure glad to be home. My feet were begging for something like a fast food joint so I wouldn’t have to stand on the concrete floor to cook dinner, but so be it. I make a rum drink and sat down for a while. Later, I made dinner and watched the start of the Nip/Tuck dvd’s Lori had left while Kevin played some video games. After 3 episodes, I fell off to sleep.
Take me to the river
All day on the beach
Last night, after talking with Ricky, I question whether or not having guests here, to camp or rent out the house weekly, is the right thing to do here. I also spoke to our neighbor, Francisco, who asked if Charlie was part of our family. After thinking about these conversations, I really realized that the people here cant wrap their head around the idea of people who are not friends or family being on your property. Here all members of each family build on the land and commune together. In my thoughts, I realized that maybe bringing a lot of unknown people to Cocal just might not be the right thing to do. The culture being what t is here, doing so may cause problems and we came here to live among the locals….not disrupt their way of living. Friends coming to visit is one thing, but people coming every week or so may change the way the people here look at us. Right now, the don’t look at us as any different than them. We think they think that we are being paid to be on the land so no one squats it just as our neighbor Jimmy and his family are. The locals think Ben had money, so this would make sense and explain how we are building relationships that Ben and Lori couldn’t.
So, at around 10 Kevin and Charlie said they were going to walk the beach to the river. I asked if I could go, never having been there. We took off down the beach on what was to be a 45 minute walk to the river. We stopped along the way, sat in the shade and had some pepas. They are baby coconuts that you open and drink the milk. Andy told us that way back when they would inject dying people with pepa milk because it was full of life sustaining nutrients. A lot of pepas are consumed here by the locals, you see the cracked open husks everywhere. After our pepa injection, off we went to the river. We cut off the beach to where you could see the river and it was a beautifully natural spot. The guys found a tree snake sitting in a palm frond and took pictures. By this time my broke down ankles had had it and when we got back to the beach I started heading the way of home. Oh no…they guys had to go all the way to the river mouth. I really starting to get sore and tired and knew I had the long walk home still to endure. For me, I could have done without the extra trek to the rivers mouth, but whatever.
On the way home I was so sore it was all I could do to keep upright and not fall to the ground and cry. After a while, Charlie took off ahead of us and Kevin stayed with me. His legs were also getting sore. On the walk there is the biggest piece of driftwood I had ever seen. It was beautiful. The guys got some pictures of it on the way out and after stopping for our pepa fix, Kevin and I saw Charlie there taking pictures of something else. It was a giant green sea turtle. If she want listless you would think she was still alive. No damage o her whatsoever. She was beautiful, but it made me sad to see her lifeless. As we were looking at her the sea was taking her back and we walked on.
What seemed like days later, we finally arrived home. FUCK! It was now after 3pm. We had been walking the beach for 5 hours! The soft sanded inclined beach….I was sure glad to be home. My feet were begging for something like a fast food joint so I wouldn’t have to stand on the concrete floor to cook dinner, but so be it. I make a rum drink and sat down for a while. Later, I made dinner and watched the start of the Nip/Tuck dvd’s Lori had left while Kevin played some video games. After 3 episodes, I fell off to sleep.
Wednesday June 30th, 2010
On the homefront
All day at the casa
Today I spent the day at home cooking. I needed to cook off the veggies from the market and some beans. I made a list of what we need from the Pali, maybe we will go to town tomorrow.
I got to talk to my girl Christine and my babies, Evan and Eva. We talked on Skype and its free! Its so nice to be able to touch base with home. Although it makes me miss home just a tiny bit more. I think Im holding up better, just trying to focus on what I have and not what I don’t. It makes all the difference in the world. Even still, Kevin’s conviction wanes. This morning he was frustrated with everything again. But luckily, today was the day he and Charlie went to take down the structures in the commune for us to build something nice here. Ricky was there to help them and after they finished and had lunch, headed off to the rice fields to hunt iguanas….yes, iguanas. Ticos eat them here.
So, with everyone gone again I get to sit and think. I try to make the conscious effort to see only the beauty here as I sit on the porch. The rains have just begun, it had been thundering since before the guys left. These are the hardest times, the alone times. But I find things to do like cook and write to distract me. The other day I even painted a sign, just a simple one, but at least there was a brush in my hand. I still want to figure out this drift wood furniture thing, too. Yesterday I saw so many cool pieces on the beach that it makes me want to be sure to do something with what I’ve collected so far.
Its been just about 2 months here, for us. I think of all we’ve been through in such a short time and its no wonder some days we want to throw in the towel. But we really do like it here and as the days pass we feel more and more contented. Sometimes it’s the mornings that are hard for us, I don’t know why. Hopefully all the anxiety will pass and we can enjoy our time here more and more. Im confident we will. After all, we’ve only got 10 months to go. If I can stay positive, I think it will help Kevin, too….and that’s a good thing.
Today may be the last we see of Charlie. With the structure gone there is nowhere for him to stay unless he opts for the cabina. He wrote on our white board some Spanish verbs and phrases to learn that would help us the most here, which was real cool. His girlfriend is flying in on the 12th and he wants to go white water rafting for a few days before he heads to San Jose to meet her. He said something about maybe coming back, but you already know how that goes…lol.
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